Always Judge a Movie By Its Trailer (July 17)

By adminwp On July 17, 2008 · Leave a Comment · In Movie Reviews

Riddle me this, Riddle me that. An Abba Musical? What’s up wit dat? Welcome everyone to this week’s Movie Judgement Smackdown. I shall make the final call and tell you wassup in the world of cinematic entertainment. I can predict, with Sylvia Brown-like accuracy, which movies will be awesome and which ones will be simply sub-par. Will the bat be all that? Will the space monkey be real funky? Will the Abba make you wanna stabba… yourself? We’ll find out after this…

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And we’re back. First on the table is, and there is no easy way to say this, Space Chimps. This is what happens when adults forget what it’s like to be kids: they make crap like this. Writing takes a back seat in this computer animated movie about Ape-Astronauhts. Monkey-Moonwalkers.

Babboon-…Blast..off…ers? Anyway, what happens is they train to go to space; two serious monkeys, and one who is just there to crack jokes, freak out, and hurt the other male monkey, voiced by Patrick Warburton. Oh, Patrick… Whether it be the Buzz Lightyear cartoon series or a straight to video sequel to The Emperor’s New Groove, you’ll do any voice work anyone offers you, won’t you? Okay, Kronk’s New Groove was pretty good. Don’t go see this movie kids, it’s the audio/visual equivalent of getting poo thrown at you.

Next is the Abba musical, Mamma Mia! Straight from Broadway to your local theaters. Now, I’m going to attempt to give this movie a good review, but I have many stipulations. First off, it is a musical, and not everyone is down for that. Second, if you don’t like Abba, you won’t like this movie. Third, it’s going to be really corny and cheesy, and sentimental, and very much a chick flick. If you can’t handle the estrogen, stay out of the chick flick. Aside from that, I think it looks really good. I am an actor myself, so I cannot help but love musicals, which puts me in a different box than the majority of guys I know. Ladies, I am forever giving chick flicks bad reviews and boy comic movies good reviews. Finally, with this movie, the scales have tipped into your favor. Guys, if you have a lady, take her out to this film sometime over the weekend. It’s simply the musical adventure of a bride-to-be and her hippie-slut of a mom who has given her a possibility of three fathers that might be the real baby daddy. Who will give her away? Will old flames rekindle with the slut-mom and one of her former johns? Only time and the music of Abba will help us find the answer. Join us, won’t you?

Last, and most certainly not least is the most anticipated movie of the summer, The Dark Knight. When I go see a movie that has this trailer, I could leave satisfied before the movie I paid for even begins. This looks like the darkest adaptation from comic to film ever made, mostly thanks to the work of the late, great Heath Ledger. His work as the Joker in this trailer is the best bit of acting I’ve seen since Jack Nicholson, not from his version of joker, but when he played Jack Torrence in The Shining. That is my favorite performance by an actor in a movie of all time, and Heath is matching the caliber.

I must admit that when I first heard they were getting Heath to play the Joker, I was disappointed and confused. Why him? There are tons of people I can think of right off the “bat” that would be better for this role. And then I actually saw the trailer. “Who’s that guy?”I thought. “Did they replace Heath Ledger? That guy is amazing!” I about peed when I confirmed that it was actually him. That is the guy from A Knight’s Tale? That’s Casanova? Holy crap!

Heath aside, this movie is going to rock so incredibly hard. Violence galore, amazing effects, Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine! Not to mention Christian Bale’s amazing depiction of Bruce Wayne. And that leads me to another truly brilliant casting choice: Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent! They are already setting up the villain for the next movie. I’ve seen one of the special preview they had only on the Domino’s site and some still photos of what Dent will look like after he becomes Two-Face. He’s not some half-purple, Tommy Lee Jones, Dr. Seuss looking character, he looks horrifying! Like someone who has truly had half of their face eaten away by acid. There is a hole in his cheek and you can see his teeth and jaw tendon and everything! Ah… okay. I need to stop. See this movie. I guarantee you will enjoy it. There is even talk of Heath Ledger getting an Oscar nomination for this role. When guys who are dead are getting awards, you know the work has to be good.

Well, I don’t think I have every ranted more like a fanboy in my life. But I am not ashamed! There is no doubt what movie will be the number one movie of the summer. And, as a projectionist at a movie theater, I get to see it a night early! That is right! On Wednesday night when all of you nerds have your midnight showing advanced tickets for Thursday night burning a hole in your pockets, I’ll be scarfing down pizza and watching it a full 24 hours before you get to see it! OH The power! Muhahahahahahahaha! Good night everybody!

Half Ass Movie Review: Horton Hears a Who (Mar 11)

Friday the 13th – A Movie Review (Feb 13)

Always Judge a Movie By Its Trailer: Babylon A.D., College, Disaster Movie (Aug 28)