Amazing Race 20 – Snap Judgments

Hard to believe we’re about to see Season 20 of The Amazing Race.  Twenty times around the world.  We haven’t done the math, but just imagine how many zip lines we’ve seen, how many people have tried to make themselves understood by speaking English louder and more slowly, and just how many couples have called one another “babe” to the point of nausea.  We’ve seen people menaced by monkeys, awkward wrestling matches, and a surprising number of challenges requiring people to carry giant fish for great distances (which is always funny).  The new season begins on February 19^th, so Myndi and EJ checked up on the new cast for another round of Snap Judgments.  Be warned, this season includes men with the nicknames of “Fitness” and “Bopper”, and a couple of the worst people ever to come from a CBS reality show.

Elliot and Andrew–Now, these two are very, very identical twins who have helpfully gone with different hair lengths in order to make it easy to tell them apart. Oddly enough, Elliot, who is a muscian, bills himself as angry, while Andrew, the professional soccer player, is the mellow one. Well, soccer is kind of a boring sport. Elliot also says they will go to “many extents” to win, which is as hilarious as it is grammatically incorrect. (MW)

Dave and Rachel – I have already decided to cruelly dub this married couple “the forehead twins”. They seem, well, driven is the nice way to say it. He’s an Army officer, she’s a project manager, and they both emphasize that they don’t like to be wrong. Combine this with the fact that they also say their communications skills need to improve, and it seems like we’re in for the butting of some curiously elongated heads. I’d also like to mention that in Rachel’s bio, she says “I dread hotels without elevators when I’m packing heavy”, and for several minutes, I thought that “packing heavy” meant she travels with a firearm. That would have made for a weird season. (EJ)

Dave and Cherie–A married couple of retired Ringling Brothers clowns who are now “ambassadors of laughter”, these two are looking to clear up the misconceptions people have about clowns. To them, this has something to do with proving they are “entertainers with a goal”, whereas I think they should focus on all the grown men with deep-seated clown phobias if they really want to help people. They are sure no one will see them as a threat and will bring them to the final three. Too bad the game doesn’t typically work like that. I’m afraid they will just be trying way too hard the whole time. (MW)

Mark and Bopper – These best friends kind of come off as middle-aged bros. Bopper especially seems like, well, the kind of guy who’s in his 40s and still insists that people call him “Bopper”. He compares himself to Jim Carrey and Mark complains that Bopper “acts up too much”. Well, he certainly seems like a delightful traveling companion! They just don’t feel like a team with any staying power – they don’t come off as either physical or mental threats, and there’s a weird tension between them that could result in a complete breakdown. I predict they only make it a couple of episodes and a dozen or so high-fives. (And as Myndi noted – “They’re basically Forrest and Bubba.” And now, you won’t be able to unsee it.) (EJ)

Vanessa and Ralph–I guess we now have to have a pair of dating divorcees every season? At least these two seem a little more interesting than Jeremy and Sandy. She’s a political speech writer (and sometime commercial actress) and he is a trainer, who’ve known each other for fifteen years, but have been a couple for less than a year. Theyre using the race as a “test”, like so many young couples have before. It’s cheaper and quicker the months of therapy, I suppose. On the other hand, they’re both very good-looking, likable and bright. I kind of dig them. (MW)

Kerri and Stacy – There’s something really weird about these cousins, but I can’t put my finger on it. Stacy’s vague answer to her occupation – “I spend most of my time working on various projects”, Kerri’s unreasonable degree of enthusiasm about Angelina Jolie, the obvious simmering resentment between the two (Check out the “pet peeves” in their bio. They are thisclose to actually challenging one another to a duel.) They might be perfectly nice people, and they come off pretty well in the video, but their written bio is weird and there’s so much about it that bothers me on a visceral level. I see them as kind of a mid-level team that makes it to maybe fifth place, and they’re not really anybody’s favorite but everybody’s kind of sad when they go. Yes, this entry is the least helpful Snap Judgment ever. (EJ)

Art and J.J.–These guys are border patrol guards, and are really, really sure they’ll dominate the race. Art wants to hide their occupation while J.J. wants to tell everyone they meet, it seems. They appear to be under quite a bit of self-induced pressure to succeed here. I sure hope they don’t go out first or anything, because I’d be worried about them. (MW)

Nary and Jamie – They’re described as “Federal Agents”, but their bio makes it pretty clear that they’re DEA. Is there a reason they can’t just say that? Are they afraid it’ll just get me talking about Breaking Bad? Anyway, these two are real agents, not “Phillip from Survivor agents” – Jamie almost lost a leg after getting shot. We’ve got an inspirational story that also has a fight scene! It seems like they should be good – after all, Jamie’s biggest travel fear is “getting kidnapped”. If that’s your worst case scenario, you’re not going to freak out over driving a stick, you know? Still, for people who get shot at, they seem kind of high maintenance, which is not a great quality to have on the Race. And the fact that both of them mention Jamie’s Austin Powers impression worries me to no end. I don’t care how cute you are, lady who occasionally gets into gunfights. One “Yeah, Baby!” and we’re through! (EJ)

Misa and Maiya–These sisters (one is a pro golfer) are every pretty all-girl team who have used their feminine charms to hustle guys for money all rolled into one. It is my sincere hope that they don’t wear flowers in their hair the entire time they’re racing, because that’s a little too Disney Princess for me. I think they’ll be as dim and annoying as the twin sisters from last season, and I will want them to leave quickly. (MW)

Brendon and Rachel – Oh, Lord. Look, these guys were on Big Brother twice. They are two of the worst people in reality TV. They’re engaged, but they clearly hate each other. We’ve recapped two seasons of their long, tearstained fights about the smallest things. They both have advanced degrees, but neither of them can use words correctly or have ever shown evidence of knowing anything. Brendon, for his part, is slightly less unbearable. On his own, he’s just kind of dumb and has an unfortunate penchant for showing young women his junk on Skype and then posting public apology videos where he cries. Rachel, though, is unspeakably awful. She’s self-centered and smug, a terrible winner and a worse loser, and her voice (and especially her laugh) will have you praying for temporary deafness. I can not do justice to how unpleasant these people are to watch. Not only am I hoping they go out in the first leg, I’m hoping that whatever country they’re in when they get eliminated decides to keep them. On the bright side, they’re not good at anything. While that is not necessarily an impediment to success on Big Brother, it presents a problem on Amazing Race. (EJ)

Joey “Fitness” and Danny–Oh, Amazing Race, I really thought you were above this type of thing. But, when you get to season 20, apparently, you start casting based on whatever crappy reality trend gets the highest ratings. Hence, we have Joey and Danny. These two actually met at the Jersey Shore during a dance battle and espouse the Guido lifestyle. The GTL, if you will. Of course, one of them owns a supplement store and is a personal trainer (guess which one!) and the other is a club promoter. Seriously, show? I am so disappointed. I will hate them on general principle until further notice. (MW) 

It all starts on February 19, which is also the day you’ll officially get sick of hearing Rachel yell “BREEEEENNNNNDONNNN!”

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