American Idol, Season 10: Tom Jones Performs (Oh, and Scotty McCreery WINS!)

I can’t help but think that if Lauren Alaina had gone with straight hair on Tuesday, well, maybe she would’ve won. But this is not a moment to talk about Lauren Alaina, her hair, her broken heart, or America’s stupid taste in music and the fact American wouldn’t know talent if it walked onto their television screen, giggled alot, and blew out a vocal chord. Oh, well, she did finish 2nd, so maybe they do.

Scotty McCreery is your new American Idol because he out-Country’d Lauren Alaina. The only chance she had of winning was to don a cowboy hat and sing Reba McIntire and Dolly Parton songs all night. Instead, she invoked the ghost of Carrie Underwood at the prodding of Idol producers and it still wasn’t enough. Scotty, instead, invoked the ghost of every-Country-cliche and took home the crown.

Is it a shocking upset? Only if you are a member of the Idol power brokers, the Idol hype-machine, the Free Masons, or the newly formed LLC known as Lauren Alaina Won Idol T-Shirt, LLC. Why won’t my lawyer return my calls? Does anyone know a good bankruptcy lawyer?

spunkybean would like to offer a hearty congratulations to Scotty McCreery who holds the future of Idol in his hands. You, Scotty, have been incredible and we’re confident you’ll be a great Idol. Country stations all across the U.S. of A. will start playing your single today, callers will blow up phone lines requesting it, and I’m guessing for at least the next couple weeks, your song will be the #1 download on Amazon and iTunes. Personally, I want the version where you muffles the words while hugging his family and where he says, “Casey Abram’s” name during the performance. That’s going to be a valuable version, some day. Sorry Fox …Scotty didn’t understand how much money he/you could make if he’d just stood there and sang it LIVE with emotion and some missed notes. You’ll pre-coach the next winner, I’m sure.

Much was made about the hype thrown at Ms. Lauren, but let’s not forget Scotty was the teary eyed boy back in Hollywood who hated himself for not standing up for that poor fat 15-year-old. He’s been the boy-next-door and Idol marketed him just as deftly and with just as much calculation as they did the runner-up. It had to be Scotty or Lauren since Day 1.

I say this all the time, but love Idol or hate Idol, you can’t deny it’s massive power. Beyonce and Lady Gaga performed last night. They don’t show up on Biggest Loser or Celebrity Apprentice. Nope, stars of this calibre pick their TV appearances very carefully …award shows, late night talk shows (and not all the late night talk shows), and American Idol.

Given the fact Idol was 2 hours and 17 minutes, you’d think I’d have more to say. But the pace was so hectic, the genres and guest stars were so disjointed and bizarre, and the truly memorable moments were so few, I can either write 5,000 words talking about every little nuance, or I can just say this was a great season and exactly what Idol needed to stay relevant and young and hold off Simon Cowell. However, like I said yesterday, Fox would prefer both X Factor and American Idol succeed at Idol’s obnoxious viewer levels. Had there not been a 16-year-old and a 17-year-old duking it out, trust me …all the musical integrity and non-hype would’ve killed this show. Another DeWyze v. Bowersox finale and there would’ve been a good chance I wouldn’t have watched. OK, that’s a lie. I’d watch Milli and Vanilli (r.i.p.) battle for the crown, but I wouldn’t have popped popcorn. Just sayin’.

My barometer for American Idol’s re-relevance was how interested in the show my grade-schoolers were. Last year …meh. I couldn’t bribe them to watch. This year, American Idol has been a topic of conversation in their 2nd Grade and Kindergarten classes. They informed me the girls at school are rooting for Lauren and the boys for Scotty. That’s important to a show like Idol. Even the slightly pessimistic spunkybeanster Myndi posted on her Facebook last night how much fun it was watching Idol with her kids because they make it fun. In a way, it proves my point …and that point is that we need our Idol to have a pretty, young face …to be innocent and new …and to embody the youthful dreams and fantasies most of us all have when we’re teenagers using a brush as a microphone and singing in the bathroom mirror. Every teen and pre-teen that ever pretended to be a famous singer dreamed of a Scotty McCreery moment. We forever see ourselves as youthful and with unlimited opportunities in front of us. Scotty is perfect.

Seriously …don’t believe me? Give me all of Bruno Mars’s lyrics and beats he’ll sing to on his next CD and let me release it. I’m 37. It won’t sell. Pop artists like Beyonce and J-Lo, in fact, always secretly hope we forget how old they are and, in a way, we probably still think of them as energetic artists in their teens and 20s. Madonna and Janet Jackson, for as big as they were, can never be as big as they once were because they grew up. And we grew up.

So much happened, I want to talk about it all, but I don’t want to miss anything. What were your favorite moments? Here were some of mine from last night and from the season. But before that, I want to to thank everyone for reading all season long, for following me on Twitter (@donkowalewsk & @spunkybean), for being their on Facebook (my page and spunkybean’s Fan Page), for commenting, for emailing me, and texting me. Sometimes I start to think it might be silly for a middle-aged father of three to be blogging for a decade about this kid’s show, but it’s too much fun to stop watching, and having everyone reading along and groaning at  my bad jokes, rolling their eyes at my absurd rambling, or telling me how much “Idol sucks!!!” (that’s for C. J. and T.D.) …I couldn’t stop if I tried. Again …thanks. I’ll see you next January or maybe even this summer for Bachelorette, America’s Got Talent, and many other random articles and pop-culture observations. Please check back …I’ll be writing one more season review, I’ll debate Myndi about the good and bad of Idol, and I might even invoke the spirit of Simon Cowell and write a snarky “What Would Simon Do” Idol recap.

See you ’round the blogosphere, soon. Thanks.

AWESOME AND ODD MOMENTS FROM THE FINALE

Tom Jones

As the Idol boys started into their Tom Jones medley I was on the edge of my seat hoping (praying) that Tom Jones was going to saunter from stage left and help them out with a tune or two. Instead, as is the only worthy way for him to enter, he descended the Idol staircase from heaven reserved usually only for Ryan, Judges, and the first 30-seconds of a performance to add dramatic affect. Idol is a great show …but  you add Tom Jones …bam. You have the greatest thing ever televised. Tom Jones is ageless. My kids asked, “who’s that?” Oh …they’ll know who he is on Saturday morning when they are trying to sleep in and I’m jamming his Greatest Hits and making my signature Tom Jones It’s Not Unusual Steak & Eggs for the family.

TLC without Left-Eye

The cameras never gave us a close-up of either of them and the whole performance felt like trying to watch Big Foot perform …meaning, I don’t think TLC intended to be on Idol last night but were performing somewhere else and Fox quickly moved the stage into the Nokia theater and TLC tried to dance off camera or something. Hey kids …TLC was a major act back in the 90s.

Jack Black Snubbed

If you have last night’s episode Tivo’d, you’ve got to watch when Scotty walks into the audience to hug his entire family while singing his new single. He hugs 6 people and sitting next to his family is Jack Black and it was so perfectly awkward, it’s the epitome of any awkward moment you’ve ever known. The pace of Scotty’s hugs and handshakes made it seem like he would just keep going through the audience hugging everyone so right after his Uncle or whoever that guy was, Jack Black was awkwardly waiting-slash-hoping Scotty would stop hugging people. Scotty didn’t hug Jack Black and turned and walked right back up on stage and the look on Jack Black’s face, a look that said, “what? I don’t get a hug? FINE!” …the look was priceless. The funniest think Jack Black has ever done in his career.

Casey Abrams is Funny

Dude is talented and funny. Something tells me he’s the glue that kept this group hungry, loose, and together and Fox loved him. They built more than a few light-hearted pieces around him because he seems very natural in laughing at himself and observing some of the funnier trends on the show.

Don’t Hate James Durbin

He cries alot, sure. But I’m starting to think he can’t help it and he’s just an emotional guy. If you ask him, I’ll bet he wishes he didn’t cry so much, but it is what it is. Blame his turrets.

Beyonce Hates Everyone

Beyonce has been quite successful. But I don’t think she’s happy. She didn’t like Jennifer Hudson stealing her spotlight during Dream Girls. She didn’t like being the second best performance of the night behind Tom Jones (and Lady Gaga). She probably refused to perform with the Idol girls unless she also got to perform alone. And I’ll bet she’s pissed J-Lo is back and everyone’s talking about J-Lo’s great butt and not Beyonce’s. It’s just a feeling I get. Beyonce is going to snap very soon. Hide you fine China.

Idol Will Be Fine

As a fan of this show, I worried if they didn’t crown an Idol champion with some charm and some ability to sell records to the youth of America, we would be watching one of the last seasons. And then what would I write about? But, whether just dumb luck, or well crafted luck, or complete manipulation of voting, staging, and marketing …Idol did exactly what it needed to do to ensure a successful summer tour (they cancelled some dates last year and half the shows didn’t sell out). In fact, with or without a massive get-together with my readers and going to the show, I’m probably going to take my 8- and 6-year-old. I’m betting I’m not alone. This is good for Idol. Not a chance in hell I would’ve brought an 8- and 6-year-old to either of the last three summer tours …but this one’s been youth-n-ized (ummm ….wait, that …ummm). I mean, it’s been given a shot of youth and Idol will notice better attendance. I’m glad. And I can’t wait until next season and it all starts again.

Have a great summer.