American Idol, Season 11: Hollywood Day 1 (and part of Day 2)

I have a confession to make. I went into the freezer in the breakroom at work and I ate that tuna noodle Lean Cuisine. I was starving. And someone brings, like, 20 of those things to work every week and if I think about it next time I’m at the grocery store, I’ll buy one and replace it. I don’t even think that person will notice. I hope not.

Oh, wait, wrong blog. My confession here is, well, I’m happy the auditions are over and that we’re finally onto Hollywood. As one of American Idol’s long-time biggest super-fans, even I realize that, hey, the auditions aren’t nearly as funny or interesting as they used to be. The auditions are like pre-season NFL and MLB games (or like a regular season NBA game). If American Idol seasons were released on DVDs, the auditions would be on the third DVD full of “extras” and I’d never watch it. They’re the line you wait in to ride the roller coaster. They’re the previews at the movies. The auditions are the opening band for U2. They’re the appetizer to our filet mignon.

I’m saying the auditions, even for me, aren’t what they used to be and I’m happy Hollywood week has arrived and last night, I felt like things were really getting started. And, truly, I’ll replace that Lean Cuisine mean I “borrowed.” Truly.

From the auditions rounds, 309 made their way to Hollywood. Ryan comically played the role of a whispery back-stage tour guide walking us through the nuances of Hollywood week in a muted tone that would make Jim Nance look like Dick Vitale. Sorry for making so many sports references. I’m hoping someone’s getting this. Jim Nance announces The Masters golf tournament in a tone so soft and mellow you’d think he’s actually 10 feet from the golfers he’s talking about, and Dick Vitale is loud. Get it? If not, please seek out a big sports fan in your life, have them explain my analogies, and then smile at how clever I was.

Last night, Ryan told us Day 1 and 2 would feature all 309 singers and before Day 2 ended, half would be going home. Half would perform on Day 1 and half of those would be sent home. Day 2 would be the same. Ouch. I know it happens every year, but the golden ticket, which meant so much, is a worthless piece of paper after 30-seconds for some of these hopefuls. In fact, some of the singers they showed didn’t seem like they belonged their at all and you wonder, how did they get the ticket in the first place.

Among the folks we saw, Johnny Keyser was full of confidence (borderline cocky). Don’t believe me that he was confident? Just ask him. Dude has a voice, but he also looks a little bit like a comic book movie villain, so he should work on his humility. Last I checked, dude, I don’t have your CD in my vast collections of American Idol alumni CDs, nor do I even have one of your performances as part of one of my Top-10 mixes, so relax . . . and stop trying to impress with your runs and squinting. If you annoy us early, we’ll never fall in love with you.

Juxtaposed with Johnny was Heejun Han, who had zero confidence. This humble, insecure Asian American arrived in Hollywood with his suitcase packed by Mom, marveling at the height and attractiveness of all his fellow Hollywood singers. Then, he was blown away by the vocal talent on display and he didn’t feel he belonged. Luckily for him, for now, all the bravado and attractiveness doesn’t mean as much as it will, so his big, smokey voice carried him into the next phase of Hollywood.

It’s one thing to be too confident, but something else to be afraid. Dude can sing, so seize the moment. Maybe when he saw some of the really horrible Hollywoodies he felt better. Should not have been hanging around Johnny.

Elise Tostone never visited our living rooms during the audition rounds, but I sure did like her soulful rendition of Jamiroquai’s “Virtual Insanity.” She’s a little leathery-looking, but …hey, it’s early. Fox’s make-up magicians can work on that.

Baylie Brown got 4-seconds of air time and was pretty as ever. I’m guessing we’ll be seeing more of her, hence her abbreviated screen time.

Hallie Day (a great name of an American Idol finalist) was that former girl group singer who’s train went off the tracks, and then she found a fat husband who straightened her life around, and I was glad to see her here and doing well. Yay for second chances (and fat supportive husbands).

I don’t recall seeing Jen Hirsh during auditions, but chick had some Mariah Carey qualities to her voice going high, and low, and then falsetto. She doesn’t have the movie star face of an Idol, but dang . . . on a night where we didn’t get much from Fox, this Jen Hirsh really stood out.

Lauren Gray didn’t disappoint and looked every bit the girl who’d been singing in her Dad’s band her entire life. She sang too long with her eyes closed and Randy had to throw things at her to get her to stop, but I think she’s good enough that it didn’t seem like she was desperately trying to sing as many notes as possible as if the length of her audition had as much to do with the quality.

Mixed in with the dozen or so people who’d be moving on were snippets of those who will not. And some were bad. Really bad. As this year is the first year my oldest is sitting up watching with me, I thought these were good life lessons to point out. My daughter laughed and sharp and flat notes rang through my living room and I paused my DVR to explain, hey, at one point and for one moment, in an audition room somewhere, these kids must’ve hit every note perfectly, or at least good enough to be awarded a golden ticket. And it’s more complicated than that. They had to hit their notes well with the producers before ever going in to see Steven, J-Lo, or Randy. Yet here they are, in Hollywood, looking like they can’t sing at all. What’s the life-lesson I culled from these moments for my daughter . . . well, I just pointed it out and hoped she realized that singing, I mean really great singing, isn’t just a matter of opening your mouth and letting God’s gift just shine . . . it’s like an instrument. Practice, practice, practice. Sing stuff you like singing, and sing stuff you don’t like singing. Sing everywhere, sing often, and look for feedback and critique. Do that enough, and like Johnny above, you’ll have earned a little confidence.

Still, it’s heartbreaking to see these poor kids sometimes, who’ve probably had a golden ticket in their hands for months, and they get to fly to Hollywood with Mom and everyone back home is excited for them and then . . . bam . . . it’s over in 20-seconds.

Phillip Phillips is supposed to be this year’s Casey Abrams and he moved on. I don’t know – he seemed a little too growly, but I actually think he got by more on his persona and unique stage presence than his singing. It’s not just a singing competition, remember. It’s about image, too. And the more I think about it, this guy might be moving on and everyone knows he can never win, but if a guy like him makes the Top-10, at the very least it gives our variety show a little variety.

Reed Grimm sang “I Got a Golden Ticket” and he, well, oversang it but he’s lucky the judges still love him.

Travis Orlando was back again, and again he was completely underwhelming . . . poor guy. It’s not his fault . . . he just can’t pick good songs. This is where I wish the judges would’ve played the pity card, maybe. At least let him stay until the group competition. For the second year in a row, he didn’t make it further than ½-hour into Hollywood. You remember him, brought him back to Hollywood because he had improved, and you know his story. You know he was living in a shelter, and now his Mom ran off and, well, dude doesn’t have the advantages of some of the rest of these kids who’ve been singing in bands their entire lives, have stage parents carefully helping them build themselves into the next Miley Cyrus or Justin Beiber . . . he’s just a kid from the streets with a nice natural voice. Anyway . . . they could’ve thrown him a bone and let him hang out in Hollywood at least for another couple of days. And heck, who knows, in the group rounds when Fox unleashes their voice coaches to help the kids, maybe he could’ve been polished up a bit. Shame on you, judges. Shame . . . on . . . you. Is it too late for Travis to head over to The Voice (another show recapped here at spunkybean by the amazing Myndi, btw).

68 were sent home on Day 1, which meant about 80 or 90 stayed and we saw, oh, about 12. I should be more made about that, but we’ve got plenty of time and plenty of singing left to go, this season.

Day two began this year’s Danny Gokie, who we’ll get to know as Adam Brock, and his kick-ass cover of “Walkin’ in Memphis.”

Jim Carrey’s daughter, Jane, made it to Hollywood, and even though J. Lo got her start on In Living Color, it wasn’t enough to get Jane through to the next round. Seriously? J-Lo couldn’t have let her stay for another day or two, just to hook up a Living Color alums daughter? And how does Jim Carrey’s daughter need to go on American Idol to try and eek out a career singing? Hell … Jim Carrey could rent her a studio, produce her debut CD, and pay people to fill small concert halls to watch her perform – why is she here? I think it’s just publicity for whatever his next movie is (or this really isn’t about her singing career, but she’s about to try and get into comedy or acting). Truly . . . the benefit of being the child of a mega star is that you don’t have to struggle like the rest of us. Or haven’t you heard of Paris Hilton or the Kardashians? It’s 2012 . . . fame for the daughter of wealthy men is a phone call (and drunken Hollywood car crash) away.

Shannon Magrane (super tall, Steven Tyler hit on her in front of her Dad during auditions) gave us our first Alicia Keyes moment of the year. I’ll try not to hold that against her.

David Leathers, Jr. is the 17-year-old who looks like an 11-year-old, but dang! That child-child can sing, and he is sorta charming. He still has lots of potential to be annoying, but for now, he’s kinda likeable.

Jessica Phillips, the woman who’s finance had a stroke, jumped right into some Whitney (which is my #1 Don’t-Do …even if you can sing, it’s wise not to try and win a singing competition singing Whitney songs) and was really, really good.

Creighton Fraker, performing Freddy Mercury’s “Somebody to Love” in an annoying a voice as I could ever imagine

Aaron Marcellus sings well high and low, and loud and soft. Hey . . . they only showed us 10-seconds of this guy. I’m supposed to have more to say? Back off.

Lauren Mink took on Heart’s “Alone” and the judges noticed she changed keys mid-song. Oh, well . . . la de da da, Mr. and Mrs. Know-it-All. Was that impressive that she realized she had started in the wrong key and quickly corrected, as I assumed all good singers do at some point in their career, or did you think it was cheating or that she was trying to trick you. Fox? I could’ve used a few more subtitles to make this moment more interesting.

Jeremy Rosado, recall, works at a center for infectious diseases while personally being a germophobe. He had the excitement and enthusiasm I like to see.

And finally, Symone Black says her Dad is a total Stage-Dad, and in her case it’s paid off in her voice …but unfortunately they left us with a cliff-hanger and she fell of stage and we have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happened. “Stage Dad” should’ve been closer to the stage . . . to catch her. Ha! It’s late . . . sorry, that might not even be funny.

So, we have to wait until tonight to see if Symone is OK, and see a few more fleeting moments from everyone’s first performance, and then we’ll be moving on to group sing. This is where the divas show up, the pressure mounts, and we get to see who really knows how to work and rehearse for it, and we see those who have no idea how hard it really is to become famous, or make it in music, or on broadway, or really, to make it as a performer in any way, shape, or form.

See you back here tomorrow for much more yummy American Idol goodness.

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