You know, I’m a fifty-two year old dude who was raised in the woods in New England and cut granite outside of Atlanta for two years, but I’ve cracked a book or two here and there and I live in the best city in the world as an adult, so these things all work out. I never understood the sorority sisters and their “I can’t even” catchphrase; I read that and I always think they’re missing a couple words in their expression of incredulity. Then The X-Files had Mulder tripping balls last week, and I sort of started to get it, but Agent Carter really hammered it home. Knock somebody out at the butt of a gun and they do a Busby Berkeley dance number in their head featuring friends and foes? And Agent Sousa finally getting to be the Gene Kelly we all know he is? I know I’ve said this a million times, but we better find out he’s the dude Peggy married after giving Cap up for dead. I can’t even.

…and speaking of “we better find out” but I’m pretty sure we won’t, what with fictional Peggy dying of old age in this summer’s Captain America: Civil War (releasing Cap from all ties to his past) and TV Peggy getting her episodes being burned two-at-a-time. You might as well scream YES IT’S CANCELLED, FANBOYS to the waiting audience. ABC’s Paul Lee got bounced so Carter doesn’t have an advocate, and this season’s ratings have lagged behind last season’s freshman effort. Bean counters are having a field day, and there is another data point for why there are no Rey toys, but the fact remains Agent Carter is its own thing. A show designed to provide fresh content in the winter months was a valiant effort, indeed, and shouldn’t be held up as anything but awesome. No one watches TV during the holidays, and the networks have going on seventy years of impressing upon people that the midwinter is rerun hell. How are you supposed to turn that ship around in a season or two? Well, sure, get Captain America’s girlfriend to have adventures in New York and LA, that’s a fine idea, but if people have fallen out of the TV habit, you’re going to get ratings that are lower than the fall and May sweeps. No need to treat ’em the same way, bean-counters. But treat them the same way, they do. Beans are beans.

That said, this is 2016 and we all can read the Internet and find out things before they happen, and Hayley Atwell is cast in a new show already and Eric’s sister has her show greenlit for the S.H.I.E.L.D. 2017 hiatus already, so that’s looking like that is the proverbial that. Oh, my God, how cool would it be to have something S.H.I.E.L.D.-based in 1955 or so that Director Carter is responsible for be the inciting incident for the Most Wanted free-for-all. It’s all connected, Jeph Loeb.

And I really, really wanted to get into this at length, but I fear it’s the kind of thing I’m really going to have to go over with fellow Spunkywriter Mark Espinosa over a pint of Magner’s at Durty Nelly’s because I feel a lot of feel-type feelings about it. But let’s just leave it at this: Jarvis is the goddamn MAN.


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