This week on Modern Family, the Tooth Fairy makes a costly mistake, Gil Thorpe (Rob “President of the Navy” Riggle) returns to vex Phil, and Jay tries to write the adventures of Chuck Stone.  Both Haley and Phil had costumes, and we learned exciting stories of farm life and closet installation.  And we’ve got our favorite jokes right here – the best lines from Modern Family “Career Day”.

“I thought I’d offer the kids a chance to put their face on my body.” — Phil, once again not choosing his words carefully

 

“He came in with two price guns in holsters and marked my teacher at $1.29 before she knew what hit her.” — Phil, on his father’s appearance at Career Day

 

JAY: “Lotof interesting stories in the closet business.”

GLORIA: “Why have you never told us any?”

JAY: “Well, for example… there was this guy. Must have over a hundred hats and we had to fit them in the closet.”

GLORIA: “OK….”

JAY: “And… we did.”

 

GLORIA: “You had a three-hour nap on Sunday.”

JAY: “I was tired.”

GLORIA: “From what? Your two-hour nap on Saturday?”

 

“He’s a hell of a character! They taught him how to kill, but he never learned to love!” – Jay, on the book he wants to write

 

“Some stickers… and a toothbrush… and a hundred-dollar bill. I love the Tooth Fairy.” — Lily, opening her envelope from the Tooth Fairy

 

“That bag transitions from day to night seamlessly. And I no longer have to carry crayons in my front pocket.” –Cam, defending Lily’s clutch

 

“Real estate? Isn’t that just buying and selling houses? I don’t have time for that. Epic fail.” — Phil, dressed as a teenager in a video

 

“Gil Pickles? Genius. Much better than my Phil-o-cases.” — Phil

 

“You just sold a house! And you’ll be chasing that high for the rest of your life.” — Gil Thorpe, winning the kids over at Career Day

 

CLAIRE: “People aren’t exactly lining up to hire a woman who’s almost 40 and has been out of the job market for fifteen years.”

LUKE: “I thought you were forty-two.”

CLAIRE: “That’s almost forty!”

 

“If this works out, everybody’s gonna win. Except for that tropical fish store we’re booting out. I don’t feel bad about that at all.” — Gil

 

“Dear Lily, I’m writing because I made a mistake and gave you too much money. Please leave the hundred dollars under your pillow tonight, and I’ll give you a dollar. Sorry if that bites.” –Cam, reading a letter from the Tooth Fairy

 

PHIL: “You can’t be serious! Gil Thorpe is my nemesis!”

CLAIRE: “I hate to break it to you, Phil, but you’re not Batman.”

 

“I’m racking my brain for a compliment here.” — Manny, reading Jay’s manuscript

 

PHIL: “He’s Gil-ty of being a Thorpe in my side.”

LUKE: “Trying too hard.”

 

“He’s flawed! That’s what makes him interesting! You want somebody perfect… put in a robot!” — Manny, defending the story he ghostwrote for Jay

 

CLAIRE: (explaining why Phil doesn’t get a veto) “… and lastly, this whole conversation would be taking place in a yurt.”

PHIL: “It’s the perfect structure…”

 

HALEY:  “Why can’t you pee straight?”

LUKE:  “Hey, I’m doing a great job from that far back.”

 

Any more to add?  Let us know in the comments!

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