Tonight marked the christening of the newest Pritchett, and it brought with it the requisite family hijinks (including a visit from Gloria’s sister and mom, played by Elizabeth Pena) and a magnificent Godfather parody-slash-tribute. Leave it to Modern Family to do a take on the classic scene of a baptism interspersed with young Luke administering some kick-ass Mob justice. Poor Reuben might just need therapy after that stuffed zebra’s head wound up in his bed. And with that, here are the best lines from last night’s Modern Family. Welcome to the family, Fulgencio Joseph Pritchett. They’re never gonna call you that.
“As great as it is bringing a baby home from the hospital, there’s one sound you absolutely dread waking up to. Relatives.”–Jay
“You’re not wearing a fedora, Phil.”–Claire, forbidding Phil to wear a hat to the baptism
“Sorry, should I call you a whambulance?”–Lily, using her favorite zinger, apparently learned from Claire
“I would park it in her driveway, but she already has a camper and a cord of wood there. I’m pretty sure she’s a lesbian.”–Haley, talking about her neighbor, who is also a member of two softball teams
“What’s one more son in a dress?”–Jay, upon seeing the christening gown Gloria’s mother has brought for the baby
“With his words, not with his teeth like Zander from art class.”–Mitchell, explaining to Lily that their friend Crispin can be “biting”.
JAY: “You’re rubbing yourself with a baby.”
CLAIRE: “I have seen you french kiss your dog!”
“Son of a bitch, I’m Phil.”–Jay, realizing that his inability to win over his mother-in-law makes him just like his own son-in-law
“Don’t ever ask me about my business, Claire.”–Phil, doing his best Pacino
Did we miss any of your favorites? Sound off in the comments below!