You’re on with Ron!  Yes, this week in Parks and Recreation, Ron Swanson accidentally ended up hosting a call-in show while Leslie was busy simulating an avian flu outbreak.  The Parks Department hosted a gala to save Pawnee Commons, Andy took his entrance exam, Leslie played multiple roles in her emergency preparedness videos (Seriously, can she just have all the Emmys?), and….  We’re forgetting something.  Give us a second…  Oh, yeah.  LESLIE AND BEN ARE GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK!  But to tide you over until the wedding of the year, we’ve got the best lines from Parks and Recreation “Emergency Response”.

“Let the record show there was a standing ovation.” — Councilman Jamm, not receiving a standing ovation

“Love? Love fades away. But things are forever.” — Tom

“The planning commission has a week to decide if they want a beautiful, innovative community park. Or a bunch of greasy lardbombs. I’m not editorializing. Paunch Burger’s number one selling burger is the Greasy Lard Bomb.”–Leslie

LESLIE: “People could donate, or they could bit to put their names on everything in the park. Benches, cobblestones, trees, ants, air…”
BEN: “Right! Some of that is possible!”

“I just want to say thank you for all your hard work this week. Give yourselves a hand! But your applause is premature.” — Leslie

“On last year’s report (the Department of Emergency Preparedness) stated that every time it so much as drizzles in Pawnee, the town is in danger of collapsing into Thunderdome-style post-apocalyptic mayhem.” — Leslie

“Then we do the personality evaluation, which I feel like I’m gonna nail. People always say ‘But… he’s got a great personality’.” — Andy, preparing for his entrance exam

“Babe, look at me. You are going to pass this test, and you are going to become a cop. And if you don’t, I’ll just divorce you and marry somebody else and cheat on them with you.” — April

“The best day for a drill is when it’s inconvenient for everyone. My mother is getting a colonoscopy today – I’m not sure there’s anyone there to drive her home.” — Leonard Chulm (Matt Walsh)

DONNA: “The tables showed up, which is good. There are no chairs, which is bad.”
BEN: “OK, well. Get some chairs from… somewhere.”

BEN: “No offense Ron, but I don’t think you’d be great on TV.”
RON: “I can speak in full sentences and I won’t cry.”
BEN: “Fair point, I did cry last time. Godspeed.”

“Casualty report – only four dead, two of whom were already gravely ill. And brothers. That family took a terrible hit.” — Chris, running the Avian Flu drill

“A few months ago, the thought of an infectious disease, even hypothetical, would have sent me careening towards Bummerville. But now, I am infected with a killer virus and I feel fine. Therapy!” — Chris

“I’m a little under the weather. Went on a booze cruise last week, just got back an hour ago.” — Joan Callamezzo

“My name is Ron Swanson. I am here to tell you about a black tie gala fundraiser for Pawnee Commons happening tonight. All proceeds will go toward building a park. It will be enjoyable. Now I will take your calls, apparently.” — Ron, assuming hosting duties

“I found one chair, got a lead on a second.” — Donna

“Well, everybody calls me Andy, but my full name is Andrew. I think.” — Andy, blowing the first question on the lie detector test

“Please call now if you have questions about tonight’s gala or one of my other interests. Woodworking, novels about tall ships, meat… that sort of thing.” — Ron

“It is with a heavy heart that I say – We have been Jammed.” — Leslie

“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless.” — Ron

“I’ve seen three movies in my life: Bridge on the River Kwai, Patton, and Herbie: Fully Loaded. My girlfriend’s kids love it. It’s pretty funny.” — Ron

“This was bad. Fort Wayne bad.” — Leonard

TOM: “I know black tie and chicky tenders isn’t the best mix…”
LESLIE: “No, Tom, I love it. More importantly, so will all of our more… ample citizens.”

“I also helped a child perform a tracheotomy on his elderly uncle. It’s been a very rewarding day.” — Ron

“Leslie, let’s get married… tonight.” — Ben, the final line of the episode

Any more lines that we should note?  Let us know in the comments!

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