Last week gave us two episodes of Parks and Recreation, including Leslie and Ben’s wedding. There was so much awesome that it took us until today to get through all of our favorite lines. Besides the wedding, there was the return of Li’l Sebastian (sort of) and DJ Roomba. And Ron Swanson vs. Councilman Jamm! And all of our favorite Pawnee media, like Joan Calamezzo, Perd Hapley, and Shauna Malwae-Tweep! Plus, Jessica Wicks was there for Ben’s first day at the Sweetums Foundation, and we even got to see Nick Newport, Sr. In painting form at least. A naked, naked painting. We finally managed to dry our eyes after seeing Falcon and Turtle Dove (Leslie and Ben’s adorable nicknames for one another) exchange their vows, and we’ve got the best lines from Parks and Recreation “Leslie and Ben” and “Correspondent’s Lunch”.

“We can get married May 16th, or June 1st, or July 57th. But doesn’t it feel right?” – Ben

“I was thinking, like, the sensuality of Eleanor Roosevelt combined with the animal magnetism of Leslie Stahl.” – Leslie, on her wedding dress

“Let me do the licenses. I’ve got a guy who works at City Hall. That guy is my wife.” – Andy

“There’s some beautiful jewelry in there, but be careful. There’s also nails.” – Pawnshop owner, helping Ben find a ring

“If you’re not going to finish something three months early, then don’t accept the job.” — Leslie

“We open with Will Smith’s monologue from the modern cinematic classic, Hitch.” — Tom, prepping Jerry for the ceremony

“Ron, listen to me very carefully. I lost my father when I was ten, I don’t have any brothers and Ken Burns never wrote me back. So I am not getting married without you there to walk me down the aisle. End of discussion.”–Leslie

“I’ve been watching a lot of Project Runway recently… and the past eight years.”–Ann

“Ann, please tell me that you have sewn a new dress from scratch. Or several dresses, because I would love some options.” — Leslie

“I hate to say this, but Ann Perkins has terrible taste in rings. What — what is this? It’s a toe ring with a brown gemstone? Is that a ruby that’s gone bad?”–Chris

RON: “How much do you think Ann would miss this sconce?”
BEN: “I don’t know. It’s part of her house…”
RON: (rips sconce out of the wall)

“When I heard Ben was getting married, I was like ‘to Leslie or to Game of Thrones’?…You ever heard Leslie talk about Ben’s butt? I’m all like, ‘damn girl, you mad sweet on that back meat’.” — Jerry, trying to read Tom’s speech

“Well, I’m not crazy about the part where you do something. But I do like the idea of me doing something. Let’s give it a shot.” — Tom

RON: “They can’t hack into a typewriter. That’s all I have to say.”
LESLIE: “Can it, Unabomber!”

“I really like helping people. Running the new Sweetums Foundation charity allows me to do that… and work in an office with more mahogany wood than currently remains in the Amazon rainforest. So, win-win. Except for the rainforest.”–Ben

“You better give me back that megaphone. It belongs to my aunt.” — Councilman Jamm

“There is nothing more disgusting than an invasion of privacy. And I should know; I’ve had many women steal my undershirts.” — Chris

ANDY: “I’m not supposed to see you before the wedding! I ruined it!”
APRIL: “That’s the groom.”
ANDY: “I saw him too!”

“He’s always sad and sweaty. He’s usually happy and sweaty.”–April, painting quite the picture of her husband

“There’s a Top 10 Ben’s Butt 2012 slideshow. You emailed it to Ben, and Ann… and the Huffington Post?” — Donna

“This wedding is cancelled because the bride is a b-hole.” — Jamm, disrupting the ceremony

“The honeymoon was amazing. We saw the bus stop where a young Barack Obama used to sit and wait for the bus. Theoretically.” — Leslie

LESLIE: “Where did you even get a stinkbomb?”
JAMM: “Amazon, baby. That’s how. You are looking at a Prime customer, everybody. Two days free shipping for this guy.”

“364 days a year, (The Pawnee Sun) rakes me over the coals. Today, I take those burning coals, I shove them back down their throats and I watch their melting flesh drip off their worthless faces. It’s all in good fun.” — Leslie

“I really want you to take my last name… Yeah, it’s just really important to me symbolically that Leslie Knope disappears and becomes Leslie Wyatt. Or Councilwoman Mrs. Ben Wyatt. That’s fine, too. It’s a deal breaker.”–Ben

“I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired. Also I can’t sleep, I’m overeating, none of my old hobbies interest me…” — Andy

Andy:”You have an amazing house and a really cool nightgown and seem to be super good at dating.”
April: “Yeah, so can we adopt you as our grandma?”
Ethel Beavers: “Fine.”
Andy and April: “Cool! We love you, Grandma!”

“Oh, Ann. You’re too beautiful to be funny. It’s not your fault, you never had to compensate for anything. The rest of you ugly nerds have to give me some jokes, STAT.” — Leslie

“I promised myself I was not going to cry tonight… and I’ve already broken that promise five times. But I will not break it a sixth.”–Chris
“The streets, as you know, are dangerous. Example: I fell in a sewer grate once, I was there all day. In conclusion, we can not let our children live in the sewer any longer. Redwood Music Program. Go. Your honor.” — Andy, pitching a charity to Ben

“You are a wonderful person. Your friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.”–Ron

ANN: “Ron, there are no ficuses, OK? I wanted to ask Chris to be the father of my baby.”
RON: “Good God! And the metaphor you chose was planting ficuses in your front yard?”

“There’s, like, twenty minutes of Hitch quotes before I even say Leslie’s name!” — Tom, rethinking his speech

“Wassup, Pawnee? Ummm, Borat. Well, that’s my time. They’re giving me the light, so, uh, I did great.” — Leslie, trying to improvise

BEN: “In my time working for the state government, my job sent me to 46 cities in eleven years. I lived in villages with eight people, rural farming communities, college towns, I was sent to every corner of Indiana. And then I came here, and I realized that this whole time, I was just wandering around everywhere just looking for you.”
LESLIE: “The things that you have done for me; to help me, support me, surprise me, to make me happy — go above and beyond what any person deserves. You’re all I need. I love you and I like you.”

“I’m terribly disappointed, but I’m sure the doctors or giraffes, or whatever you decided to help will be thrilled with the whatever you decide to whatever.” — Tom

“Close only counts in horse grenades.”–Andy

“The story of this situation is, it’s extremely personal.” — Perd Hapley

Any more quotes you’d like to add?  There are plenty to choose from!  Just let us know in the comments.

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