Another season of Parks and Recreation, another delightful season finale.  It had everything we could hope for from our Pawnee friends.  There was mystery, government protest and corporate intrigue, along with a bit of a retrospective on some of Leslie’s greatest hits over the last year.  Andy resurrected Bert Macklin, FBI agent to investigate the mystery of the positive pregnancy test, whose owner we discovered only at the last minute.  SPOILER ALERT: There is a distinct possibility the baby might come out with a full mustache.  Yep, after it seemed pretty certain all episode that April would be the pregnant one, it turned out that she’d just been accepted to Vet school, which will take her to Bloomington and away from Andy.  He’s pretty sure they’ll be fine, though.

Tom’s business was going so well that he was approached by the attorney for an anonymous buyer.  He decided to turn down the offer, but will now face direct competition across the street.  And Leslie is now the subject of a surprise recall led by the outraged citizens of Pawnee who claim that Leslie has stolen all of their liberties.  So grab a triple decker pancake breakfast pizza (but no 500 oz. sodas!), alert the Walrus Mafia, and let’s break down the best lines from this week’s Parks and Recreation!

“I never should have agreed to this.  Or let you know that I had a cabin.  Or gotten to know any of you.”–Ron Swanson, on having the gang to his private cabin

“I don’t wanna overhype it, but our parade makes the Rose Bowl Parade look like a turds on wheels convention.”–Leslie, regarding the annual Pawnee Founders Day Parade

“Yes. I like the rain and fish markets.”–Donna, as to why she has a condo in Seattle

“Due to a tragic misunderstanding, the Prettiest Pig beauty pageant has been replaced by a pork rib barbecue competition.”–Chris

“Together as a town we lost an amount of weight equal to 800 pregnant manatees.”–Chris

“A gym opened, and it stayed in business.  And people checking into the ER after ingesting a whole candy wrapper is down 40%”–Leslie, talking about how much healthier the town has become.

LESLIE:  “You somehow convinced the school boards that napkins is a vegetable.”

KATHERINE PINEWOOD (Leslie’s nemesis from the restaurant association): “They’re made from plants.”

“How many people am I talking to, Donna?  One, or one and a ninth?–Burt Macklin, FBI, during his ongoing quest to find the owner of the positive pregnancy test

BRANDI: “Hello everyone, I’m Brandi Maxx!”

GUYS: “Hi Brandi!”

BRANDI: “Star of The Incredible Burt Wonderbone, a Good Guy to Lay Hard and Argo.  I had a small part in Argo.  As well a the porn version, Our Goo.”

DENNIS: “I’ve seen the first 90 seconds, it’s thrilling.”

“This case just got interesting…well, not just. It was pretty interesting to being with. This case just remained interesting.” — Andy

“I’m gonna have a baby with Jean Ralphio’s sister?  What have  I done?  Like, to humanity?”–Tom, when he thought Mona Lisa was pregnant

“I wanna wait until we’re 50 and then adopt a set of creepy adult twins from Romania.”–April, reacting to Andy’s assumption that positive test had to be hers

Did we miss any of your favorites?  And who do you think Tom’s competition will be?  Sounds off below!

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One Response to Best Lines from Parks and Recreation Season 5 Finale: “Are You Better Off?”

  1. Nosgoth1979 says:

    The jokes about the entire town getting healthier were the best. I had to pause my DVR a few times because I was doubled over in laughter. Are You Better Off was a perfect end to the best season of Parks and Recreation yet. I just hope P&R gets renewed with the way this episode ended. I’m glad I DVR’d this entire season (especially if it ends up being the last). Because I work at DISH, I was excited to try out the Hopper when it was first released, and I’ve been consistently blown away by it since. The DISH Hopper has an absolute ton of storage space (2,000 hours worth!); it’s so much that I’ve been able to hoard the entire seasons of several of my favorite shows and I’ve barely dented the memory.

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