“That question? It was like a hate crime.” — Cam when asked if he could get out of a tight parking spot

“I want you to take a deep breath and let me transport you to a land I call…Relaxistan.” –Phil

CLAIRE:  “I’m the one turning Gloria into Mom, which is really disturbing, since we’re the same age.” JAY:  “You’re older.”

“They can’t be bullies, they’re nerds.” — Manny

“You have your fans, and I have mine.  One day, your fans are going to work for my fans.” — Alex, to Haley

“I have three kids, and at least one of them is going to college.  Worst case scenario, they all go.” — Phil

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