CLAIRE: You look adorable! ALEX: Adorable? I’m not a puppy. PHIL: Claire, I got this. Honey, you look super sexy. ALEX: Eeeew. PHIL: Well, we tried everything.

Yes, my bad boy prom date is gay. He just doesn’t know it yet. So, I’m basically his beard… pre-beard. His stubble. — Alex

You can fit two carseats and a prize-winning pig back there. — Cam, on the new Prius

GLORIA: Please, just drive straighter. CAM: I’m sorry, are my pinkies up again? They do that when I get excited. Down, girls.

Are you doing sex? — Luke, to Haley and Dylan

Listen, I know that you’re concerned, but I’m designing t-shirts now and they’re gonna be huge. Also medium and small. — Dylan

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