This week, Ann decided she was ready to become a mom on her own. Leslie couldn’t comprehend of such a thing, so she spent the episode trying to talk Ann out of searching Pawnee for the best candidate.  This led to the welcome return of Pawnee’s most outrageous morning show, Crazy Ira and The Douche, played by Matt Besser and Nick Kroll.  Somehow, Ann was strongly considering have The Douche father her child.  

In other news, April was continuing to show a knack for following in Leslie’s footsteps, and Ben and the guys were looking for a wedding caterer.  When they all got food poisoning (well, except Tom) due to some bad calzones (something Ben considers the ultimate betrayal), they decided there’d be nothing better than having J.J.’s, Leslie’s favorite place in town for delicious waffles, cater their wedding.  Now, for your reading pleasure, here are the best lines from Parks and Recreation’s “Ann’s Decision”!

“I’m gonna get 12 eggs and part of a dead animal, dealer’s choice.  Please and thank you.”–Ron Swanson, ordering breakfast the way only he can

“You’re definitely gonna find a wonderful guy, who loves you and respects you and fills your home with multi-ethnic genius babies.”–Leslie, reassuring Ann that she’ll meet someone to start a family with instead of having a child on her own

“Tom considers himself a foodie; which apparently means taking instagrams of food instead of eating it.”–Ben, who has enlisted Chris, Ron and Tom to help him pick a wedding caterer

“No, tragically we are both heterosexual.”–Leslie, answering the nurse at the sperm bank about whether or not she and Ann are a couple

“This suit makes me want to scold a Catholic child.  I don’t know who Ann Taylor is but I hate her and I want to kill her.”–April, who has to fill in for Leslie, and wants to dress the part

APRIL:  “So tomorrow, I lead a public forum in Leslie’s Fleetwood Mac sex pants.” (wearing a pantsuit in which she found a Fleetwood Mac ticket stub and Sweetums brand flavored condom wrapper.)
ANDY: “Fleetwood Mac Sex Pants, new band name! I call it!  Oooh you know what, maybe just…Fleetwood Mac.”

“I know it’s a winter’s morn but it feels like a Summer’s eve cause The Douche is in the building!”–The Douche aka Howard Tuttleman

“Then you became a morning shock jock and you created the sport of taintball?”–Leslie, trying to figure out how The Douche started out at Northwestern and wound up in radio

“I just wanted to toss my name in the ring regarding this Indian woman’s vagina.”–Councilman Milton, having heard about Ann’s plan to find a sperm donor

ANN: “Is that a drawing of my reproductive system saying ‘Let’s Do This’?”
LESLIE: “The Knope way involves a lot a lot of uterine cartoons.  What can I tell ya?  Besides, what is more cuterus than your uterus?!”

Did we miss any of your faves?  We wish we could do justice to Leslie’s Bill Cosby voice, but we assure you it was adorable!

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