Who doesn’t love TV quotes?  Awful people, that’s who.  They slouch through their lives, incapable of joy.  You don’t want to be like them.  You want to know happiness.  And one way to get there?  The best TV quotes of the week.

“The name’s Rip Hunter.  I’m from East London.  Oh, and the future.” — Rip Hunter, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow

 

CAT:  “I just hope that the next test is medical.”

OWEN:  “Not me.  I hope it’s basejumping.  Or spiders!”

LOLA:  “Or dark chocolate cake eating because yum.  Right?” — Childrens Hospital

 

“I’m old school, Mulder.  Pre-Google.”  Dana Scully, The X-Files

 

“The drama queen of the Holt family?  What’d she do, laugh out loud one time?” — Gina, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

“At least I died doing what I loved:  Getting people horny at sea.” — Doug Judy, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

“Do you honestly think you can fool me again just because you’ve successfully done it numerous time before?” — Jake to the Pontiac Bandit, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

CHIP:  “I’ll have the number fifty-seven, please.”

WAITER:  “Sir?  That’s the price.”

CHIP:  “In that case, I’ll have the number four.”

WAITER:  “A carrot?”

CHIP:  “Yes.” — Baskets

 

MARTHA:  “All due respect to your scooter, we make some pretty good ones here in America.”

CHIP:  “Who are you, Lee Greenwood?” — Baskets

 

“He’s basically like the Cinemax of humans.” — Dennis on Frank, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

 

“There are literally a bunch of plastic cups right there, so you don’t have to go rummaging through the cabinets with your traveller’s hands.”–Schmidt, to his Air B n B renter at the loft, played by Fred Armisen on New Girl

 

“Is it criminal to fire a bunch of jerkoffs?  Is it criminal to endanger the lives of three hundred patients.. Oh, my God.  I’m a criminal.” — Blake Downs, Childrens Hospital

Any more to add?  Let us know in the comments!

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