We’ve got our favorite TV quotes of the week right here.  Hopefully they’ll be your favorites, too!  This is one of those weeks when we didn’t come up with a clever introduction.

LOUIE:  “Nobody told me he was dead.”

BOBBY:  “What do you mean?  He’s your uncle.  You’re supposed to know.” — Louie

 

LOUIE:  “I have two shows tonight, and I can’t go on stage like this.  Do you have, like, makeup?  Can you put makeup on me?”

PAMELA:  “This just became the greatest night of my entire life.” — Louie

 

“You should find some nice sweet girl that you can marry and cheat on.” — Pamela to Louie, Louie

 

SHIREEN:  “I like it here.  I know Mother didn’t want to bring me.”

STANNIS:  “Why do you say that?”

SHIREEN:  “She said ‘I don’t want to bring you’.” — Game of Thrones

 

“I’ve had an exciting life.  I want my death to be boring.” — Bronn, Game of Thrones

 

“Still looking for secrets are we, sir?  Or just breaking stuff?” — Alfred to Bruce, Gotham

 

“You’re the least worst option.” — Gordon to Falcone, Gotham

 

“I’ve always wanted to learn more about grifting, ever since I saw 1990’s The Grifters.  Featuring John Cusack, Anjelica Huston, and almost no grifting.” — Abed, Community

 

“He kept trying to sell us stuff.  Briefcase swapping talcum for Grifter’s Palm, briefcase hinge oil for silent switcheroos, and something called ‘extra-believable socks’.” — Abed on the grifting teacher, Community

 

“The next person who says ‘grift’ is gonna… grift.  Oh my god, now it’s replacing other words.” — Elroy, Community

 

“Sorry you got grifted.  Let me know if you wanna press charges and help me figure out what those would be.” — Officer Cackowski, Community

 

“Hey yo, Cese, what up fam?  It’s your girl, Winston.  AKA Winnie the Bish, AKAAKAKA Brown Lightening. Schmidt dropped Fawn like a bad habit, OK, so ain’t nobody ridin’ shotgun.  So you better get on while the gettin’ is good. You got it?” Winston, leaving a voicemail for CeCe to alert her to Schmidt’s recent return to singledom on New Girl

 

PEGGY:  “Would you drink vermouth?”

ROGER:  “Yes, I’m afraid I would.” — Mad Men

 

“If I’ve learned anything from the two animals that I’ve met, a dog and a cat, it’s that all of God’s creatures are inherently gentle and loving.” — Colin Hanks, Comedy Bang! Bang!

“It feels like breakfast in bed is just practice for when they put me in a home.” — Linda Belcher on her birthday, Bob’s Burgers

 

“This pumpernickel is dry!  And a little dirty!” — Gene complaining about the bread he ate off the floor, Bob’s Burgers

 

“I’m always outside, just pitching pennies, breaking bottles.  You know, being a hoodlum.” — Louise, Bob’s Burgers

 

“Sir, with all due respect, I am the obvious choice.  I mean, look at me.  Not in profile.” — Jake Peralta volunteering for a plum assignment, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

HOLT:  “Never’s not just a crater on Mars.  (pause) Of course, it is a crater on Mars.”

BOYLE:  “That’s hilarious.”

HOLT:  “It’s not meant to be funny, Boyle.  It’s meant to be devastating.” — Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

“I never thought I’d say these words:  You have to put Gina in touch with Pam Grier.” — Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

“If I worked at Copperhead, I’d be home by now.  Swimming in a pool of gold coins like my boy Scrooge McDuck.” — Terry, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

“I don’t even know who Carol is anymore.  I mean, who is this impostor?  Freewheelin’ around,abandoning all her stupid rules,acting all fun to be around, looking positively radiant.” — Phil Miller, The Last Man on Earth

 

“Phil, the hero of the moment, has a little surprise for all of us.  It involves getting power up here to the cul-de-sac, but that’s all I’ll say.” — Carol, The Last Man on Earth

 

JARED:  “We’re the Beatles, and now we just need Yoko.”

DINESH:  “That’s… the worst example you could have used.” — Silicon Valley

 

“We want to hire the best people, who happen to be women.  Regardless of whether or not they’re women.  That part is irrelevant.” — Jared, Silicon Valley

 

“In my family, basketball is a religion.  Also Catholicism.  That’s actually the main one.” — Richard, Veep

 

“I feel like I’m on a life-support machine and they keep pulling the plug to charge their phones.” — Amy, Veep

 

Any more to add?  Let us know in the comments!

 

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