We’ve got another swell week of TV quotes for you!  In fact, “swell” may not be going far enough.  If we’re going to call them the Best TV Quotes of the Week, and we are, they’d better be really darn good.  It’s pressure we put on ourselves, to be honest.  We could have called this “TV Quotes You Might Enjoy if You’re in the Mood”, but it’s too late to turn back now.


BILL:  “Why’d you run like that?”

THE DOCTOR:  “Like what?”

BILL:  “Like a penguin with its ass on fire.”

THE DOCTOR:  “Ergonomics.” — Doctor Who


“Look, I know you know about basically everything…. But do you know any sci-fi?” — Bill to the Doctor, Doctor Who


BILL:  (regarding the TARDIS) “It’s bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!”

NARDOLE:  “Hey!  We got there!” — Doctor Who


BILL:  “Are you from space?”

THE DOCTOR:  “Of course not.  Nobody’s from space.  I’m from a planet like everybody else.”

BILL:  “This one?”

THE DOCTOR:  “Not this one specifically, no.” — Doctor Who


“Hardly anything is evil, but most things are hungry.  Hunger looks very like evil from the wrong end of the cutlery.” — The Doctor, Doctor Who


“It’s OK.  My wife is Oriental.  All of them have been.” — Ben Cafferty after being chastised for using a racist term, Veep


“This is the worst place they’ve ever stuffed an ex-president, and I include JFK’s coffin.” — Selena Meyer on her new office, Veep


“We’re calling alligators trophies now?  I mean it’s cool that they breathe fire, but otherwise they’re just big lizards who teleport.” — Geils, Angie Tribeca


KEVIN:  “I’m not Jesus.”

MATT:  “I’m not saying you are, but the beard looks good on you.” — The Leftovers


“Excel and Word?  Well, you had me at ‘old people’.  Can you start today?” — Jimmy McGill hiring a new assistant too quickly, Better Call Saul


“You’re searching for perfection and perfection is the enemy of perfectly adequate.” — Jimmy, Better Call Saul


“I insist you let me share your marijuana cigarette!” — Ray, Archer


“Who wants their ass beat first?  And before you decide, keep in mind I’m gonna gradually get more tired but I’m also gonna gradually get more berserker.” — Poovey, Archer


JAKE:  “Why are you being such a Gloomy Gus?”

ROSA:  “I’m a Realistic Randy.”

JAKE:  “Didn’t go with ‘Rosa’, huh?” — Brooklyn Nine-Nine


BOYLE:  “Desperate times call for desperate housewives.”

HOLT:  “Huh?”

BOYLE:  “Measures.  I said measures.” — Brooklyn Nine-Nine


“Fun fact, stars use the word ‘home’, too.  They’re just like us.” — Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine


“Believe me, she had fun those eighteen months.  Terry puts out!” — Terry, Brooklyn Nine-Nine


NIKKI:  “There’s a man in my bathroom.”

RAY:  “Let’s not jump to any conclusions.”

NIKKI:  “Are you saying he’s not a man or he’s not in my bathroom?” — Fargo


“Where does the President of the United States buy his clothes?  Do they shut down a whole JCPenney just so he can try on a suit?” — Maurice LeFay, Fargo

Any more to add?  Let us know in the comments!

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