We’ve got the Best TV Quotes of the Week for you!  And another note that our usual Friday feature, the Best TV Shows on TV, will once again be delayed.  This isn’t a permanent schedule change but we are absolutely swimming in TV right now and need the weekend to get everything watched.  This will ease up in the next couple of weeks as the season finales roll in, so we’ll definitely be back on schedule soon.  It could be another couple of weeks, but we’ll get there.  We appreciate everybody being cool about it!

 

BILL:  “He’s my granddad.”

THE DOCTOR:  “Oh, come on.  Father at least.  Please.”

BILL:  “Fine.  Grandfather.” — struggling to come up with a cover story, Doctor Who

 

“You don’t have to go to outer space to find monsters.  There’s plenty of things that want to kill you right here on Earth.” — Nardole to the Doctor, Doctor Who

 

NORA:  “I have twenty thousand dollars strapped to my body…. It’s illegal to travel out of the country with more than ten.”

KEVIN:  “Why didn’t you just give me half?”

NORA:  “Huh.”  — The Leftovers

 

STRANGER:  “Just six days left, right?”

NORA:  “Here’s hoping.” — The Leftovers

 

“When Penguin was Mayor, did he mention a mysterious group?  One that controlled the levers of power in Gotham from the shadows with total impunity?” — Barbara to Riddler, Gotham

 

“I could kill your boss just to sweeten the deal.” — Penguin trying to recruit Firefly, Gotham

 

“He was a friend to all people especially corporations, which he legally regarded as people.” — Selina Meyer on a deceased Supreme Court Justice, Veep

 

“I feel like my chest has been trampled in a Puerto Rican nightclub fire.” — Selina, Veep

 

CHARLOTTE:  “When I was a little girl…”

MALORY:  “Don’t do that.”

CHARLOTTE:  “Do what?”

MALORY:  “Humanize yourself.  There’s still a chance I’ll have to mail somebody your foot.” — Archer

 

“Why do I think the glove compartment is called ‘the potato compartment’?  Is this some kind of Irish bullsh*t?” — Lana Kane, Archer

 

“Look, how or why you did it, I don’t know and I don’t care.  But I know burnt pubes when I smell ‘em.” – Poovey, Archer

 

“There you go, using three syllable words for a one syllable problem.” — Moe Dammick, Fargo

 

“Nepotism?  Your firm is Hamlin, Hamlin, & McGill.  Who’s the other Hamlin?” — Kim to Howard, Better Call Saul

 

“I love my brother, but Ted Kaczynski’s brother loved him too.” — Chuck getting overly dramatic, Better Call Saul

 

“The Town with No Moms was gonna have to go by a different name.  Because of one mom who saved all the moms, they called it Mom Town.” — Louise, Bob’s Burgers

 

“The CD to which I’m listening is Sounds of Laughter, and it’s recordings of people laughing.  This track is called ‘Girls’ Night Out’, but my favorite is ‘Church Giggles’.” — Carol, Last Man on Earth

 

JASPER:  “What’s a prolapsed anus?”

MELISSA:  “It’s when you poop your butt.” — Last Man on Earth

 

“You have more of a chance of dying on this slide than Erica does of dying in childbirth.  Well, see you at the bottom.” — Tandy to Jasper, Last Man on Earth

 

“If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to sneak out to a party without your parents finding out.  I used to do it all the time… Well, I did it a few times.  Once.  To go to a Magic: The Gathering tournament.  I got stuck in the window like Winnie the Pooh.” — Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

“Hold still.  I want to hide behind you like a tree.” — Holt to Terry, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

Any more to add?  Let us know in the comments!

 

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