After a week off due to technical issues and a surprising lack of new programming, we’re back with a look at the best TV quotes of the week.  Well, two weeks.  So in a way, this is like a trip into the past, letting us reminisce about how great Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Justified were last week.  Relive the glory days with us!

“NBC has the Olympics.  It’s a big deal.  NBC will finally get to show somebody who’s OK with passing the torch.” — Conan O’Brien during his monologue on the night Jay Leno’s final show aired, Conan

 

NICK:  “I just want to make a good impression on Jess’ sister.”

SCHMIDT:  “Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead.  But here we find ourselves.” — New Girl

 

“Rachel, Baruch Ata Ado-nice dress!”-Schmidt’s pick up line for the Rabbi’s daughter, New Girl

 

“Have you seen a girl who looks like me, but with chaos in her eyes?” — Jess looking for her sister, New Girl

 

“This morning, he finally corrected the barista when she called him ‘Charlize’.  He’s been living as ‘Charlize Broyle’ for ten years!” — Terry on Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

“Oh, Canada.  Truly Odie to America’s Garfield.” — Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

BOYLE:  “We’re all set for the double date – Vivian is bringing her friend, Bernice.”

JAKE:  “Bernice?  Sounds like a cartoon dump truck.” — Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

“This morning I found Scully’s gun in the freezer.  In the frozen yogurt.  I think he was using it as a spoon.” — Amy Santiago, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

 

ALLISON:  “Before you say anything… what the hell happened to your face?”

RAYLAN:  “You first.” — comparing similar facial wounds, Justified

 

BOYD:  “I’ve read a lot of books about slavery.”

WYNN:  “He’s a history buff.” — Justified

 

“Your brother’s a world-class dumbass, no offense, so I hesitate to try to guess what goes on inside his head.” — Raylan Givens, Justified

 

“We’re gonna cap off our date at the Y with one of my classic incidents where I make a woman cry.” — George St. Geegland, Kroll Show

 

“I’m a gigolo now.  I live in a gigolo house with a bunch of other cool dudes.” — Bobby Bottleservice, Kroll Show

 

Any more to add?  Let us know in the comments!

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