It’s Friday, which means it’s time for our collection of the week’s best TV quotes!  Sometimes our introduction is short.  This is one of those times.

EMMA:  “Why the fancy duds, Don Draper?”

ZACH:  “I think of myself more as a male Joan.” — Playing House

 

“Is there somebody in here?  Sir?  You will not violate me!  I will go full Thelma and Louise on your ass!  I will shoot you in the penis, sir!” — Emma panicking in a storage garage, Playing House

 

“Bunch of porn.  Just… porn for women.  Story-driven porn.” — Maggie covering up for her online activities, Playing House

 

“I’m not goin’ anywhere until I finish my Schlitz!”–Maggie as her male alter ego, a trucker named Bosephus, Playing House

 

“Poor Bert.  I should have realized it was the end.  Every time an old man starts talking about Napoleon, you know they’re going to die.” — Roger Sterling, Mad Men

 

“I have to talk to people who just touched the face of God about hamburgers!” — Peggy Olson, Mad Men

 

“Speaking of these lights, they certainly are on, aren’t they?” — Scott Aukerman just before the lights went out, Comedy Bang! Bang!

 

“My show is very different from the Transylvanian Office.  For example, my boss is Michael Scott.  Instead of a spider.” — Jenna Fischer, Comedy Bang! Bang!

 

“Ladies and gentlemen!  Please welcome two horses that are gonna punch to the death!” — Smith Calvins, Comedy Bang! Bang!

 

MALVO:  “Two hombres took a run at me in Duluth.”

RUNDLE:  “Mexicans?”

MALVO:  “That’s the wrong part of the sentence to be focusing on.” — Fargo

 

“Reality doesn’t go away because you stop believing in it.  It’s stubborn like that.” — Kade Prurnell, Hannibal

 

“When the fox hears the rabbit scream, he comes running.  But not to help.  When you hear Jack scream, why will you come running?” — Hannibal Lecter to Will, Hannibal

 

“Their father?  Who’s that?  Where’s he at?  Oh, that’s right.  He’s right here inside my face.” — Louis C.K., Louie

 

“You’re funny to some people.  Just not me.” — Janet to Louie, Louie

 

“In Hungary, we have a saying:  ‘If you didn’t screw the cow, she’s not your cow’.” — Evanka, Louie

 

“A small bird died today, due to sadness.  He was six years old.” — Newscaster, Louie

Any more to add?  Let us know in the comments!

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