We’re big fans of TV quotes. Like, maybe the biggest. And we want to convert you to our side, so every Friday we collect our favorites quotes from the week in TV and then put them all in a list for your enjoyment. You’re not required to tip, but it is encouraged.
VARYS: “People follow leaders. They will never follow us. They find us repulsive.”
TYRION: “I find us repulsive.” — Game of Thrones
SELINA: “Everybody’s staring at us.”
BRUCE: “Well, I am Bruce Wayne.” — Gotham
“The gns are bought. The killing room is waiting. He doesn’t know it, but he’s a dead man.” — Oswald Cobblepot on Maroni, Gotham
“You go to jail if a cop doesn’t like you. They can’t send you to prison without knowing you’re poor.” — Britta Perry making a key distinction, Community
ABED: “Why do they need marketing? They’re amazing.”
JEFF: “It’s ‘guerilla’ with a ‘u’.” — Community
“He probably just doesn’t know his role yet. Is he Black Pierce? Old Troy? Shirley without a giant purse?” — Chang on Elroy, Community
“They don’t need a trophy for showing up! They’re Congress, not millennials.” — Jon Stewart, The Daily Show
“Just get away from me. Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me! I love you!” — Louis C.K. sending his daughters away so he can poop, Louie
“I would never normally say this because it’s not my right. But I like you, so I gotta tell you, you’ll never be a comedian. And I mean never. You gotta get out and save yourself some pain.” — Louis C.K., Louie
“You’re about two years from a sharp decline in your looks and bone-ability. And me too. Not as much as you, though.” — Pamela to Louie, Louie
“Joel, you’re a fan of the Seahawks. Did you know the NFL named a team after that majestic animal?” — Scott Aukerman to Joel McHale, Comedy Bang! Bang!
“I’m not here to make friends…. am I?” — Reza Farahan not understanding the rules of Reality House, Comedy Bang! Bang!
MISS CINNAMON: “I have a sports background too. I grew up racing Greyhound dogs.”
COACH MELLER: “You must be incredibly fast. I can tell by the size of your calves, you’ve got a lot of explosion.”
MISS CINNAMON: “Oh no, I raced them against other dogs. But no one’s ever said that about my calves before.”–The awkward banter of two of the kids’ high school teachers being set up by Beverly on The Goldbergs
“Your father is right there! He sold us our sectional!”–Adam’s fencing opponent’s confused response to Adam’s invoking of Inigo Montoya’s iconic quote about his dead father from The Princess Bride on The Goldbergs
“I’m throwing paint into a woodchipper right now for no reason! Just mindless messy fun!” — Phil Miller to nobody in particular, The Last Man on Earth
ERICA: “We were just going to go hiking.”
CAROL: “I don’t need to know your little Australian terms for when a man plays with your breasts.” — The Last Man on Earth
DINESH: “When we were kids, I was the one getting good grades. I was the one planning for my future. I would bring gifts for my teachers because they worked so hard. You know, cool stuff. He was always getting in trouble. He got caught smoking opium in the tool shed. He crashed my uncle’s motorbike….”
GILFOYLE: “And you think you’re the cool one?”
DINESH: “It’s different in Pakistan.”
GILFOYLE: “I’ve never been, but I know it isn’t.” — Silicon Valley
“You know what they say – bros disclose.” — Jared, Silicon Valley
“Fecal eclipse. Loses something in the translation. We don’t have a word for it. They do. It’s ‘bro’.” — Dinesh trying to sabotage his cousin’s Bro Kickstarter, Silicon Valley
“Do you ever feel like there’s less to actually do but more to think about?” — Don Draper, Mad Men
“Why don’t you just write down all your dreams so I can sh*t on them?” — Peggy to Don after a performance review, Mad Men
“They’re not who they say they are. They’re not Americans. You can’t tell anyone…. they’re Russians.” –Paige Jennings closing out the season, The Americans
Any more to add? Let us know in the comments!