Remember the old days, like way back in 2015, when we used to run lists of the best TV quotes of the week?  Well, break out the parachute pants and head to the drive-in theater because the good old days are back!  It’s the Best TV Quotes of the Week!


“What has it been, three years?  I’m surprised to see you after that last episode.” — Doug getting all meta with Todd, Todd Margaret


“Brilliant.  And I mean that in the American way, where something’s actually brilliant.  Not the way you people describe a cup of coffee.” — Todd Margaret, Todd Margaret


“Don’t take this the wrong way, but am I too drunk to have sex with you?” — Todd Margaret, Todd Margaret


“Nothing can turn a boy’s life around like a cute teacher.  Like what Michelle Pfeiffer did for Coolio.” — Homer Simpson, The Simpsons


“I don’t understand. Am I not supposed to be making yummy food?” — Phillip after not winningyet again, Top Chef


GEILS:  “Aren’t you supposed to be undercover as a call girl?”

ANGIE:  “I put on lipstick.” — Angie Tribeca


“I’m not a doctor, but she might be… cuckoo brains.”  Paul F. Tompkins, The Bachelor Live


“You need to diversify your dates.  You took one girl in an airplane and another in a helicopter.  What’s next, an airplane?” — George St. Geegland (John Mulaney), The Bachelor Live


“He checks a lot of my boxes:  He’s a man, he has a face, he can go outside.” — Gayle describing her new boyfriend, Bob’s Burgers


“You’re a great entertainer.  Like a sweaty Martha Stewart.” — Tina to Bob, Bob’s Burgers


“You know the saying – Time shall open up the mouth of every man to the truth of his neighbor… it’s a real saying, let’s not dwell on it.” — Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine


JAKE:  “This might just be the fever talking, but this unedited footage from an Italian restaurant eight years ago might be the best movie I’ve ever seen.  Also, how weird are forks?”

HOLT:  “Forks are very weird.  I’ve always thought so.” — Brooklyn Nine-Nine


“The only difference between you and Holt is he lacks the strength to close a door so hard the room blows up.” — Gina to Terry, Brooklyn Nine-Nine


“I was just calling all of the parents to let them know the kids witnessed a couple of deaths today.” — Caroline, Teachers
Any more to add?  Let us know in the comments!


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