Last night on The Bachelor, we learned there might actually be two Sharleen‘s on the show. Like, twin Sharleens. One of them is completely into Juan Pablo, and the other one isn’t into him at all. And wouldn’t that be great, if Sharleen has a twin sister and they’ve been sneaking in and out of scenes and on and off of dates, but they never had a chance to compare notes since the first night, and the one twin is totally trying to get the hell off The Bachelor, and the other wants to marry Juan Pablo? It’s absolutely not possible if you think too hard about it, but if you’re fan of bad 80s movies, or Lost, think how hilarious a plot like this would be?
Note: Lost was not a comedy – I know that. And there weren’t any twins. But, Lost was the type of show that messes with the viewers mind, and that’s really all I was trying to say …that identical twins would mess with my head.
As I mentioned last week, Juan Pablo doesn’t want to talk about relationships or feelings – he just wants to kiss. Early in the episode Sharleen was like, hey, I’m thinking of …SMOOCH. Talking is over. And it’s possible Juan Pablo kisses like Superman in Superman II and his kisses cause partial amnesia. And because most of my readers are women and don’t understand that reference, ask any guy born between 1970 and 1985 and have them explain Superman’s “amnesia kiss.” But, basically, it can make a woman forget some of her conflicting emotions. I didn’t know it actually existed.
Juan Pablo is Superman. Can’t believe I even hinted at that.
Sharleen stole the episode and she finally …FINALLY …worked up the strength to overcome Juan Pablo’s powerful kisses and she quit the show. This is something she’s wanted to do since the very first night and she was ready to walk away and then, bam …she got the first impression rose and thought, OK, I’ll hang around. But her distaste for Juan Pablo and the entire Bachelor process finally proved too much for her to stomach, and she up and quit.
Nikki wore yet another short skirt. Even shorter than the little black dress she wore last week. You think I’m joking, but there really is such a thing as “too short”. A short skirt is meant to tease and nearly reveal something, but Nikki’s skirts get shorter and shorter and nothing is ever blurred out or anything. It’s like she’s a robot. By comparison, for a few years there, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears couldn’t even sit down without the world seeing an upskirt.
As for Nikki, she’s really fighting with that one blonde in the house. No, not the blonde that eventually didn’t get a rose last night and was sent packing, the other blonde. The blonde that he was kissing in Vietnam, remember? I guess now that one of the look-alike blondes is gone, I’ll have to learn a name.
The most amazing reveal of the night, however, was Juan Pablo’s “Baby Mama”, which I think is what you call the mother of his child. I was under the impression that Juan Pablo was raising his daughter mostly on his own. Maybe because I didn’t pay attention or maybe because ABC wants to paint that picture, but last night we got a glimpse at his ex-girlfriend and Cameeeeeeela’s mother and …whoa! That woman made the entire stable of bachelorettes look like a buncha dogs. Are you kidding?!?!?! That woman …Cameela’s mother, might be hotter than any girl who’s ever appeared on The Bachelor or Bachelorette (save for Gia). ABC tried to shoot her from odd angles and didn’t want her on camera much, but I saw enough.
And, if you Google any other Bachelor blogs or experts who like to reveal rumors and stuff, many are predicting Juan won’t propose at the end of this, never intended to, and it’s very likely he’ll marry the mother of his child. Wow!
We lost two girls last night and Juan pretended to be really, really sad. I say “pretended” and I mean it. I’m not taking that back. He’s a big phony. And I’m sick of his high-pitched voice. Admit it. You are, too.
Now, if only next week they open the show and there’s Sharleen. The triplet, who didn’t realize the other two quit, and she’s like, “oh, I still love you Juan Pablo” and all sorts of hijinx ensue.
See you next week.