Dancing with the Stars Season 12 – The Final Four Revealed!

Previously on Dancing with the Stars:  Ralph Macchio had a bad week.  He ruptured a cyst, and should probably not even be dancing.  But this is a guy who took down the Cobra Kai – nothing’s gonna stop him!  Chelsea Kane called partner Mark Ballas out for fighting with the judges and making her look bad.  And Hines Ward got arrested for driving his own car.  I am surprised that this wasn’t mentioned during the show.  Could it be that TMZ exaggerated the importance of this story?  If so, everything I once held dear is now in doubt.

They led off with a recap of the best results show performances, and it seems like we’re getting a pre-results show recap show every week now.  It sure seems like ABC forgot how many hours were in a week when they set up their schedule.  Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke kick off the show with the encore, and this time it’s Kirstie Alley and Max doing the Argentine Tango.  This was not the best dance of the night by any means, but it was good, and the audience loves them some Kirstie, so it’s a pretty good choice. 

Next, we set up the fates of Hines and Kirstie.  Their performances from last night are spotlighted, including a bit with Hines backstage wearing a wig.  And damn, Kirstie took a bad fall practicing for their instant dance.  She’s 60!  Be careful, Maks!  Also, there is a promo for tonight’s DanceCenter, which is one of my favorite parts of the season.  Anyway, Kirstie and Hines are both safe, and now we’re headed to the Center.

Kenny Mayne, Jerry Rice, and Len Goodman take to the desk, and Kirstie is first up.  (Weight:  Diminishing, Part-time Floor Inspector)  Kenny can’t pronounce Maks’ last name, and then says Kirstie could be Maks’ grandmother or Len’s wife.  And then there is an awesome bit of Maks starring in the Ukrainian version of The Bachelor.  Man, I love DanceCenter.  They show many clips of Kirstie talking crazy, and Kenny calls Maks “a stallion”.  The “sex on a stick” clip comes up again, and Jerry actually has a sex stick. 

Next, it’s Romeo, or as the screen calls him “Lil’ Romeo”.  (Hobbies:  Poetry and long walks on the beach.  –Member of Celine Dion Fan Club)  Kenny shows a montage of clips where Romeo says he’s doing it for the kids.  He says that a lot!  Kenny and Jerry call him fat, and try to highlight fat rolls on the telestrator. 

Noted cinephile Michael Bolton and an Australian singer whose name I can’t spell are here to perform a song from his new album.  That would usually be a fast-forward moment, but Anna is dancing!  Unfortunately, they keep showing us too much Bolton and not enough Anna.  Still, this season I’m happy with whatever amount of Anna they decide to grant me. 

Brooke’s interview with Chelsea, Romeo, and Ralph is not especially interesting, so Tom brings us another inspirational story about dancing.  There’s a very sad story about a young dancer who is following his dreams, and that leads into a performance from a group of young people.  They are a little too young, an that brings pack unpleasant memories of those robotic Ballroom Kids. 

And now it’s another musical number.  They scheduled Adele to perform, but she’s having a hard time with her “higher register”, so the Australian lady from the Bolton song steps in to sing “Natural Woman”.  She looks distractingly like Kristin Wiig.  For me, this is all just lead-up to more DanceCenter!

The guys start this segment with Ralph “Sweep the Leg” Macchio.  (Shoe size: Youth  Likes:  Bananas and painkillers  Dislikes:  Body bags)  Kenny makes fun of him for having a baby face, and the telestrator points out the “Wax On, Wax Off” motions.  I feel like Kenny really wanted to make a Playboy joke about Karina here, and just couldn’t sneak it through.

Next, Hines Ward.  (Age:  Veteran.  Dislikes:  Mustard  -Enjoys Pillow Talk)  Kenny mistakes Kym Johnson for Shawn Johnson, which makes me giggle.  Len says Hines is a natural and then Jerry gives him a time-out.  There is footage of Hines dancing with a pillow.  Then they play sound clips from football games over his rehearsal footage, making it sound like he’s shattering Kym’s bones. 

Finally, it’s Chelesa Kane.  (Hobbies:  Hocus Pocus and breaking the rules  -Still believes in the Tooth Fairy)  Len says she’s committed, but Kenny says that he’s a dance purist and is offended by Mark’s modern moves.  He makes fun of her costumes, and suggests Mark has a part-time job in a Halloween store.  With that, they agree to leave as friends, and that’s another DanceCenter on the books.  Yay, Kenny and Jerry!

And now, the real Adele is here to sing, her higher register apparently sorted out.  I feel like Myndi wrote about her at length at some point recently.  Was she on a results show already this season?  Did they cover her on Glee?  I don’t remember now.  But man, Myndi recaps a lot of shows where people sing.  I, on the other hand, tend to focus on shows where dudes punch ninjas.  We play to our strengths.

We catch up with Ralph, Romeo, and Chelsea now.  Ralph’s costume and makeup freaked me out last night.  Chelsea frets about the instant dance, but then thinks it was fun after the fact.  Romeo misues the word “literally”, and not in the way people usually do.  He says it in response to something that has no other possible connotation.  Tom points out that all three remaining couples have each been in the lead at least once.  So has Hines, right?  So what they’re really saying is that everybody but Kirstie has been in first place.  Ralph and Karina are in jeopardy, which is not a shock with their scores.  Romeo and Chelsie are also in jeopardy.  Also not surprising, since I think he turned people off early on.  He’s a lot more likeable now, but he was really hard to take for the first few weeks of the competition.  Chelsea and Mark are safe. 

And now it’s time.  They’re running long tonight, so Tom doesn’t ask the judges for their input on the bottom two.  Who’s falling short of the semifinals?  Why, it’s Romeo!  Holy crap, I did not expect that.  I thought he’d be out next week.  Well, I definitely liked him better than I did a few weeks ago, but I’m not going to actively missing him either.

See you next week for the Semi-Finals!

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