We’re starting to see the first cancellations of the new fall season.  Shows we liked quite a bit and shows we spent weeks mocking, they didn’t even get to the new year.  Unfortunately, this leaves some of our favorite actors and actresses out of work.  And we like seeing them on TV!  So we’ve decided to find them new homes.  We’ve got career advices for four of our favorites, because we’d rather see them join a show on the CW then end up on the streets.

Brandon Routh (Partners) – Yes, we live in a world where Partners gets cancelled while The New Normal continues on.  And while Partners had a pretty great cast (including noted Myndi favorites like David Krumholtz and the Sklar Brothers), the standout was probably Brandon Routh.  He’s always good, even when he’s stuck playing creepy stalker / pacifist Superman.  Put him in something clever, and you get magic.  Just check him out as Todd the Vegan in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, and you’ll want him to be in everything.

So what do we do with him?  As much as I’d like to see him go in a different direction and do something gritty, the fact is the dude is too handsome to just show up on Justified.  Still, he’s got charisma to spare.  And you know where they need some of that?  Arrow.  Assuming he’s not gun-shy from having starred in a disappointing DC Comics adaptation in the past, he’s just the guy to spruce up the supporting cast.  Because let’s face it, they are not exactly in consideration for an ensemble award for the SGA.  Bringing in John Barrowman as Merlyn Senior helps, but his menace is blunted by the fact that his son is a guy whose most notable quality is access to roofies.  So let’s make Routh a higher-up in the Merlyn organization – the son that Merlyn never had.  He’s a much more viable threat for Oliver, and it gives him room to go into his Bryce Larkin badass mode for when he goes full villain.

JoAnna Garcia Swisher (Animal Practice) – She works pretty consistently, but the woman has not had much luck with finding a series with staying power.  After approximately 1000 episodes of Reba (which I don’t necessarily believe was a real show), she jumped from the actually-kinda-good Privileged to Welcome to the Captain to Better with You and finally to the fall season’s punching bag, Animal Practice.  But none of this is her fault!  She’s really funny, and I always appreciate if when actresses on whom I have a crush appear on shows that I can stand to watch.

After a run of quick cancellations, she needs to step into a hit show.  Nobody wants to be the Ted McGinley of the 21st Century.  So let’s get her on Modern Family.  Half the cast of that show have strings of failed sitcoms under their belts.  (There was a time, if you can believe it, when ABC couldn’t figure out a way to get people to look at Sofia Vergara!)  And while Modern Family hasn’t had a lot of success with characters outside of the family, maybe it’s time for Claire to have a friend.  If she doesn’t start socializing, she’s going to turn into Marge Simpson!

Andre Braugher (Last Resort) – This one’s a heartbreaker.  Not only was Last Resort really good, but Braugher is one of my all-time favorite TV actors.  I wrote him a fan letter!  Back in the day when you needed stamps to do that!  But we’re not here to judge me, or to talk about how Homicide: Life on the Street is one of the greatest dramas ever.  And believe me, I could talk about that at length.  And if you get, like, half a drink in me, I will.  But we’re here to find another gig for the former Frank Pembleton, not to reminisce.

(By the way, how is it that I just this moment learned that Braugher was the voice of Darkseid in an animated Superman / Batman movie?  You have failed me, Internet!)

So, I would love to see Braugher show up on Mad Men.  As we saw last season, not even Roger Sterling can keep ignoring the major societal changes that are coming, and I can’t see a way where civil rights aren’t going to play a huge part in Season Six.  I’ll admit that I don’t have a clear idea on a role for him, but Matthew Weiner is much better at this than I am.  But if there isn’t a part for a middle-aged African American man next season, then they might want to rethink some things now that Andre Braugher is available.

Terry O’Quinn (666   Park Avenue) – Another sad cancellation.  Granted, this show about a ritzy apartment building owned by the Devil wasn’t necessarily good, but it was a lot of fun and boasted an awesome cast.  Including O’Quinn (as the Devil), fresh off of playing LOST’s John Locke, my favorite TV character ever.  And after LOST, I’ll watch anything that he’s in.  Since Person of Interest seems to be doing pretty well for CBS, it looks like he and Michael Emerson won’t be able to do that The Further Adventures of Locke and Benry spinoff that I would totally abuse the Make a Wish Foundation to get.

Given that he just wrapped a stint as the actual devil, it might be time for something a little lighter.  As dark as things got for Locke, O’Quinn still managed to show us some moments of joy and humor.  So let’s run with that and get him a job teaching at Greendale Community College.  He could teach a course in ancient religions to Community’s study group.  Or!  I understand they have a spot for an older member now that Chevy Chase has pissed everybody off one time too many.  O’Quinn was on a J.J. Abrams show for six seasons – if anybody can give Jeff Winger some counseling, he can!

Do you have any new roles for recently unemployed TV stars?  Let us know in the comments!  And with several long-running series wrapping up this year, we’ll have to follow up and get out favorites from 30 Rock, Gossip Girl, and Fringe set up for new jobs.

2 Responses to The TV Employment Agency is Open for Business

  1. cub says:

    routh would also make an excellent disney prince for OUAT; unfortunately, it would take both routh and braugher to make me give Arrow another go– i might try again when the repeats start…

    speaking of braugher, i really wish Thief could get a second chance, this time with even more Arrested Development alums.

  2. EJ Feddes says:

    Oh,. man – Routh would be great on Once Upon a Time! Good one!

    Also, thank you for reminding me of the excellent “Thief”.

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