Can you believe this is Big Brother 15? Really, there have only been thirteen proper seasons, since season one barely counted and the horror show that was season nine (aka The Winter of our Discontent) is better off forgotten. There’s a new house, new Chenterview set, and some new rules that will let us, the audience, have a say.
First up is the obligatory new houseguest montage where we meet the hamsters in their natural habitats. An inordinate amount of these people are from Texas, first of whom is Aaryn. I gotta stand behind people who spell their names funny, so it’s good that she’s cute and harmless enough. Nick likens himself to Peter Parker for some reason. Helen is a political strategist and mother of two. Spencer is a railroad conductor who promises to lie cheat and backstab.
David is a lifeguard who is a 21st century version of Jeff Spiccoli. Elissa is Rachel Reilly’s sister, so we are forced to see that awful red mane of hair again for a sec. Andy is a superfan of the show, and also of Garanimals, apparently. Seriously, he dresses like he’s five. He’s also a professor. Kaitlin is from Minnesota and very cute. McCrae is a pizza delivery boy who aspires to nothing more. So much for the jobs Americans won’t do, huh? Ginamarie is a hardcore Real Housewives type and pageant coordinator, since casting people based on the popularity of other reality show tropes has worked so well in the past. Howard is from Missisippi, built like a brickhouse and very religious. He also reminds me slightly of Omar Epps. Jessie says girls are typically jealous of her. Of course they are, dear.
Jeremy lives on a boat (The Lonely Island boys would be soooo jealous!) and is very tattooed and enamored of his partially Cherokee heritage. Amanda is a “luxury” realtor. Candice is adopted and a speech therapist. Judd is from Tennessee and clearly cast as “the dumb one”, but it might just be his accent.
You guys, Elissa has a vision board, like that ditzy broad Ashley from last year. Lord.
Ginamarie screams bloody murder when door to the house opens. She’s completely annoying. Judd is smitten with her immediately. Jeremy finds the mustache room along with McCrae, who is immediately worried about his social game.
How many times is Ginamarie going to say she’s from Staten Island every episode? I smell a drinking game!
Elissa wants an all girl alliance, which she says has never been done in BB history. Kaitlin is doubtful that’ll work, while Jessie just loves herself. Amanda is attracted to Nick and Jessie likes Jeremy, but he likes Kaitlin. Kaitlin wants a “gaymance” (Does she know Corrine from Survivor? Because they could totally hang out.) Spencer hates Ginamarie, so we’re cool, me and him. No one believes McCrae that he delivers pizza, which is hysterical. David and his hair like Aaryn. Judd, of all people, recognizes Elissa, but he doesn’t know from where. Yet.
Jeremy, Spencer and Howard immediately form a secret alliance. I’m already afraid of the name this thing will have. Jessie has decided Jeremy and David are strong players based strictly on their upper arms, and wants to align. So, Jer now has 2 secret alliances. And maybe a spirit animal, given his strong Native American roots.
After Julie partially spills the twist, Andy and his cat t-shirt are worried about the new third nomination, which will not be made by the HOH, who will still only put two people up. This is the only show where Rachel Reilly will be quoted (“floaters grab a life vest!”) by the host.
The first HOH Comp revolves around giant fake popsicles that the House Guests have to hang on the longest to win the game. David tells us he went into “Tarzan mode”, while Elissa invokes Rachel’s name. McCrae is already worried about being out. Judd falls off first, but he threw it. Howard seems to have done the same thing. Candace also opts out. Out of nowhere, the giant tongue in the yard sprays them with water, with other substances to come later. On the ground, Candace notices Elissa’s lips and eyes and Judd officially makes the Rachel connection, which he opts to keep to himself. Amanda falls after 41 minutes, as does Spencer. Jesse falls next, followed by Elissa and Ginamarie. Andy slips to the ground. Kaitlyn falls, leaving Aaryn as the last girl standing after 2 hours, 43 minutes. Twenty minutes later, she’s done. Andy points out that it’s kind of early to be so intense, which is the best observation he’s made so far. Jeremy, David, Nick and McCrae are all hanging on for dear life, to the point where Julie intervenes. She offers something called a “Never Not Pass” in one of the lunch pails in the “break room”, which saves the owner from being a Have Not for the entire summer.
Jeremy says he played a “Cherokee mind game” on David to get him to drop…is that a thing? David picked the wrong lunch pail: “total frickin’ bummer.” Jeremy then drops for the Never Not pass, and bums Howard out, who was counting on his new pal to be HOH. Nick and McCrae deal, and then Nick gives the early underdog his chance at power, rationalizing that he’d rather not be the HOH first if he doesn’t have to be. Also true.
Now, it’s twist time. The third nomination will be made by “someone in this room”, also known as the week’s MVP. This is the person we vote on, America. They’ll be named in secret, and their nomination will be done in secret, right before the Veto competition each week. The one thing that’s left out is whether or not there will be a limit on the number of consecutive times a person can be the MVP. Like, Jeff would been it every week on his seasons. My guess is that this was left off because the producers are making this up as they go, quite frankly. That said, so far I think it’s a cool twist.
We’ll get a Have Not competition and the first nominations of the summer on Sunday, and we’ll be recapping every second of the summer’s guiltiest pleasure. See you next week!