Previously on Big Brother: Josh won HoH, Jessica got auto-nominated for being too spooked by the haunted house, and then Josh also put up Mark and Elena. Fine. But the important thing was that we got the Otev Veto Competition this week, and I love Otev. This year, he took the form of an adorable piglet who was possessed by the devil, which is maybe the second best Otev ever. (The Broadway Clam remains the best.) Mark narrowly won a surprisingly tough competition and took himself off the block, where he was replaced by Raven. (A person who is definitely on this show.) And now, it’s time for a live eviction!
This is not Big Brother related, but I just got a Nintendo Switch, and it’s really great. And since you can play it as a handheld if you want, that means I can play video games while I watch TV, and this has made me unstoppable.
Per Julie, “Josh has traded his pots and pans for power”, which is pretty great. Then she kicks it back to the tape, where Raven is excited to be a part of evicting Jessica. Except since she’s a nominee, she actually isn’t. Josh says the House wants to vote out Jess but he’s “gunning for Elena”. But he doesn’t get a vote and people on the show keep forgetting that it doesn’t matter who the HoH wants out. Their say in it ends with the nominations. Kevin checks to see if Jessica is OK and offers to look out for Cody if she leaves. That’s sweet and weird. He thinks he can start an alliance with Cody and the other showmances. He tells a different story in the DR, but he talks for so long that he kind of loops back around. Kevin talking strategy is amazing because it always sounds like he wants to make an alliance that’s just everybody. Maybe they’ll form a gang and go fight Survivor. Jessica tells Cody about it but refuses to work with Paul. Cody says “Kevin is trying to weaponize me”. So, like on Westworld when they updated Hector’s programming so he could kill humans? Cody, you keep walking into our pet theory!
Also, it’s weird to accuse Kevin of anything game-related. I like Kevin a lot, but from what we’ve seen, he’s not really doing a whole lot in terms of strategy. Like, I feel like you could tell him he was evicted and he’d just assume that was how it worked and he’d just get up and leave. He’s not trying to stab anybody in the back, but he knows all of the items in the room that he can use as brass knuckles.
As if to make me look dumb, Kevin starts talking to Baskets and Alex about a “top seven” deal. That’s a very large deal for this point in the game. Neither of them are into it, so Kevin suggests to Paul that they can work with Cody and it’s very funny because he’s just making up these scenarios. Again, Kevin is my favorite, but when he talks game, it reminds me of my dog, Mo. Sometimes Mo rolls around in the grass for fun, but the way she does it is really awkward and unnatural, and it seems like she maybe read a book about how dogs play and is trying to follow instructions. That’s what it’s like when Kevin talks strategy.
Oh man, Kevin talks about having ESP but he calls it ESPN, which is either just an awesome malapropism or a reference to Perfect Strangers. (They might not have been the first to do that joke, but it’s the first time I remember.) Either way, I want them to replace the regular Sunday episode with Kevin’s Story Time. Kevin once again goes to Cody to ask to work with them and promises he won’t be a target. Of course, this alliance doesn’t even exist and Kevin can’t speak for any of these people, but that’s not stopping him. So Baskets tells Paul and Alex and instead of accepting this as Kevin’s antics, Paul gets all wound up about it.
Julie kicks it to commercial by telling us “a spelling lesson gets ugly”, and this could end up being the best episode ever.
After the break, Josh and Paul joke about how much Matt showers. Hey, we’re halfway through the season and it’s time for us to learn one thing about Matt. Josh says he’s causing the drought, and Jessica asks him to spell “drought”. We’re all surprised when he does it correctly, but I’d like to think I wouldn’t be openly shocked about it in person. That’s just a dick move, you know? So then she says she could stump him on a hundred other words. Well, sure. Silhouette. Camouflage. Bureaucracy. I can never spell those words right on the first try, and I’m good at spelling! Anybody except those Scripps-Howard kids can be stumped. I don’t know why I’m defending Josh against Jessica. but she’s so obviously picking a fight and I’m just over it.
Later, he’s still complaining about it, and for all I know, it’s the next day. Paul says he should ask her if she can spell “evicted”, and Josh loves it so much that he goes and does that. You know it’s a great burn when first you have to remind the person of the incident you’re referencing. She’s not in the mood, and Cody goes off on him. He curses him out and shakes a fist like he’s a cartoon old man. After all this time, it’s terrifying when Cody shows an emotion. Jessica says she’s not in the mood and, you know, she started it. I mean, probably days ago, but if you make a practice of antagonizing somebody, you don’t get to call time out when they respond. Cody threatens to ruin Josh’s life because “this isn’t a game”. It actually literally is a game. Anyway, it turns into Jessica and Josh competing to see who can make the most noise and everybody else in the room just hates being there. Josh goes up to his room and cries, while Paul goes up to tell him what a great job he did down there. Eventually, everybody who’s not Cossica is up there to talk and he vows to make Cody’s life miserable. Or he could just say “cease all motor functions” and they could set him in a corner for the week. They can call it the Cody Corner!
Later, it’s back to the pots and pans and Cody threatens Josh and he ups the ante by saying Cody cost her five hundred thousand and it’s his fault she’s not even making it to jury. Cody gets right up in face and Alex steps in to separate them. Kevin just keeps doing his laundry and says he has to cancel his deal with Cody that nobody agreed to.
We’re finally back to the live show! Time for the nominees to make their statements. There is something weird about Raven’s hair, which is much longer than we’ve ever seen and also looks like it belongs to an action figure. In all honesty, I’m only like fifty percent clear on what hair extensions are, but she’s wearing them now, right? Anyway, she reminds us that she is definitely on that show. Elena says something weird that she clearly put a lot of work into and thinks is really funny, but it doesn’t make sense. Way to whiff on the tee ball stand, lady. Live Feed Ninja HoH8 noted that Elena is always trying to make sure she looks perfect on camera, and she gives me the vibe that she really thinks she’s going to get her own show from being on Big Brother. Elena? You will not. Jessica looks amazing but we’ve been through too much and I can’t be attracted to her anymore. I know, right? She badmouths the house for taking so long to get rid of their targets and, you know, they did actually get rid of Cody once. Also, every single person you’re talking to has ultimately played better than you did. She tells them that if they keep Paul, they’re bigger idiots than she thinks they are. And she’s right, but also kind of insufferable. There’s a way to not get eliminated, but telling everybody how much you hate them isn’t it.
Time to vote! Alex votes to evict Jessica. So does Christmas. Cody votes to evict Raven. Kevin votes against Jessica. So does Paul. And so does Mark, who clinches it. Also, he’s wearing glasses and it is a weird look. Matt votes to evict Jessica. So does Baskets. Well, that’s that.
Julie breaks the news. Josh kicks up the circus music, and Jessica ignores everybody who isn’t Cody. Like, he carries her to the door, they make out, and she never says goodbye to anybody.
In her Chenterview, Jessica is already in tears because she lost her best friend. You’ve known him for a few weeks and he’s only there for a few more weeks. Chill. I might have a different perspective because my actual best friend lives in Colombia and I haven’t been with her in person in a couple of years now. So if you’re not going to see a dude you just met until late September, well cry me a fricking river. Julie asks why her gameplay was so bad and Jessica says she just gave up and it’s everybody else’s fault. Julie assures Jessica that Cody cares for her, in the sense that he understands how to simulate that emotion. They lead with his goodbye video, which isn’t a great move because it’s Cody being as sincere as he can, and then Paul and Alex being jerks. Kevin wants to go to a Pats game with her, and it’s only when I typed it that I realized that might be “Patriots”. I could not figure out what that meant. Josh taunts her and calls her a linguini. Wait, he didn’t even close out on a meatball? What the heck, Josh? Your brand is weak.
Head of Household time! A couple of magicians are going to perform tricks, and then they have to answer questions about the tricks. Get it wrong, you’re eliminated. You know the drill. The first trick is a series of quick changes, and magic is hard to recap. Everybody gets the first question right. Mark, Kevin, Jason, and Paul go out on an easy second question. There’s another performance with more quick changes and I guess that’s the easiest kind of trick to write questions about. Christmas goes out on the next question and we get one of those famous cuts to the fish tank that have never made sense to me. Cody, Matt, and Elena are out on the next question, so it’s just Raven and Alex. And on the last question, Alex gets it. The house seems overjoyed, other than Cody who doesn’t have that kind of range. I feel like he’s got a better chance with her as HoH than anybody else, so maybe fake a smile, dude?
Later, Julie lets them know that there’s a Double Eviction next Thursday and that there will be no Jury Battle Back. They act shocked by this, but I don’t think that’s a long-established tradition or anything. It’s happened a couple of times, but I’m not shocked that it’s not happening.
Also, we get a bonus episode next Friday, which HoH8 told us about a while back because I think she’s secretly Julie Chen.
Myndi will have the Sunday episode for you on Tuesday as we get to see what happens when Cody loses his Constant. (Look, I know that’s LOST and not Westworld, but I’m trying to branch out.)