Previously on Big Brother: Bobby Moynihan visited the house. And while it was just promotion for Me, Myself, & I, it was also delightful because Bobby Moynihan is great and I totally bought that he watches Big Brother. Somehow Josh, who I believe once spent several weeks with his head stuck in a banister, is the only one who figured out what Paul is up to. He told Christmas and she got upset that anybody would say such a thing. Does this mean we all have to root for Josh now? Paul won the Veto and took Alex off the block. Christmas replaced her with Kevin, so now we’re headed into a double eviction with Kevin and Baskets on the block.

Seriously? Josh? I had my money on Christmas being the one to figure out Paul’s nonsense.

Hey, Julie is wearing a nice dress tonight. Her fashion has been all over the map this year but this is just a simple red dress that is maybe a little weird on the bottom. Sorry, Project Runway is also on right now so this is that brief stretch when I feel like I know something about fashion. But I don’t.

The announcer tells us it’s “Double Eviction Week, Baby!” Good to see Dick Vitale working again.

Immediately after the Veto, Baskets breathes a sigh of relief since he thinks Kevin is the real target. Kevin also thinks Kevin is the real target, which is not a great position to put him in since he’s a loose cannon. Josh goes to Paul and says he doesn’t really like the position that their plan puts him in – see, Paul wants it to be a tie and force Christmas to cast a tiebreaker. And that’s a plan that benefits Paul and literally nobody else. I guess I shouldn’t be so astonished that Josh figured it out – what’s surprising is that nobody else did. How is this happening?

Later, Baskets and Josh are in the hot tub and Baskets talks about how tough it’ll be to see Kevin go and Josh starts to cry because he’s in such a bad position right now. He DRs about the possibility of pulling a crazy move, and since we cut right to the live show, he probably didn’t do anything. Or his crazy move is to switch his vote to evict Kevin and then tell Baskets and Alex what Paul has been up to and suddenly I am so invested in what Josh is going to do and none of this makes sense anymore.

Julie tells them about the double eviction and then it’s time for their statements. Baskets says he possesses the “four c’s” which he defines as “confidence, character, character, and charisma”. He’s angling for a show on USA – you know what they welcome over there…. Kevin says hi to his family and thanks Julie for being a good host. He’s always so polite when he’s not talking about what you could beat a person with.

Time to vote! Alex votes to evict Kevin. Raven votes to evict Baskets. Paul votes to evict Kevin. Josh tearfully votes to evict… Baskets. So just like everything else this season, they made it look like somebody would do something smart and unexpected only to have them continue to do exactly what Paul wanted. Why do I fall for it every time?

It’s up to Christmas, and she tears up but evicts Baskets. He is pissed and storms out of the house without a word. I really wish Christmas had just said “Hey, remember that time you broke my foot? Take a hike.” Josh cries and Paul flat out yells at him for his vote and says he isn’t loyal. Holy smokes. Josh did the thing he told him to and now Paul gets to make a show of chewing him out for it. That sucks and I hate Paul so much. It’s really making me angry.

In his Chenterview, Jason wonders if Paul and Alex turned on him. He’s sort of in the ballpark but he can’t quite get there. Then, in the goodbye videos, Josh apologizes but says Paul came up with the plan to get him out. That’s a surprising amount of gameplay detail, but I hope it gets through to him. Turns out it does because Kevin reacts by saying Paul went against his alliance and it sure seems like that’s the target of his tiny-eyed fury.

OK, it’s HoH time! It’s a competition called “Fake News” and can we not? Julie is going to read headlines that may or not describe things that happened in the house this summer. You have to say whether it’s “real” or “fake” and you get a point if you’re right. Alex ends up winning, so it seems like Christmas and Josh are going to find out real soon why doing Paul’s bidding was a bad idea.

Boy, I called that wrong – she nominates Kevin and Raven. That seems like a way to really half-ass a huge opportunity.

The Veto competition is the one they always do on a double eviction. They have to dig through a pool of something (lemons in this case) to find something else (limes). First one to find four limes and get them back to the starting point wins. Oh, also they’re just yellow and green balls and not actually plastic lemons or limes. And you have to drop them into a tube from a ways up and people really seem to struggle with that part. In the end, and I am actually on the edge of my seat here, Josh wins.

If he can just let Alex in on what’s been happening, we could actually see something awesome happen tonight. Come on, Big Brother. I need this.

Here it comes. Are things going to get rad? Please. Please. Please. Please. Josh chooses…. not to use the power of Veto. DAMMIT! The studio audience actually groans at this. This season almost got good and it is fighting so hard to stop that from happening.

Now I’m in a bad mood and just want to get this over with. Paul votes to evict Raven. Christmas votes to evict Raven. Josh votes to evict Kevin and he says it like a man who was told how to vote. I hate this. Julie breaks the news to Raven and it’s always weird being the second evictee on Double Eviction Night. You’re not packed or anything. Josh keeps apologizing and he’s the only one who didn’t vote to evict her.

In her Chenterview, Julie calls her out for not really doing much all season and Raven falls back on that stupid statement reality contestants make when she says she wouldn’t do anything differently if she had the chance? Really? You would have chosen to lose again? Man, no wonder Paul doesn’t even have to break a sweat.

Julie has a big announcement after she spells out the schedule. We get an eviction Wednesday and another one on Thursday. And then Julie announces that this winter they’re going to have a special Celebrity edition. This is either going to be amazing or terrible and I’m way more excited about that than I can justify.

Man, that was almost great and then it wasn’t. Myndi will be here Tuesday with Sunday’s recap and we’ll try to salvage this mess.

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