Previously on Big Brother: Jillian was eliminated and a Candy Crush-themed HoH hadn’t ended yet. Christmas jacked up her foot something fierce – check out live feed guru HoH8’s comments on the previous episodes for the full story there. It sounds miserable. I broke my foot years ago and it sucked – it sounds like she did more damage than I did.
Man, the announcer really loves Christmas puns. He’d better not beat me to the James Bond line, and that’s all I have to say about that.
We pick up mid-HoH competition. Basically, they’re looking through bits of “candy” for tickets that they can exchange to try to roll balls toward the HoH Hole. Cody DRs about not knowing who flipped and during the competition, he just glowers with his arms crossed over his chest. It’s hilarious how sulky he is. He is incapable of even pretending to have fun if he doesn’t 100% get his way. Can you imagine how much it would suck to be friends with him and everybody wants Italian but he wanted Chinese, so you go for Italian and he just makes a big show of giving his plate back to the waitress and then refusing to eat anything? In a flashback, Mark admits to him that he voted Jillian out because it was best for his game. Jessica tells Christmas she was a coward for talking about her “when I wasn’t allowed to have a voice”. Jessica? Please know that I would do anything for you, but that’s how it works. The nominees get to make one last case for themselves. There’s no time for rebuttals. Also, it’s not like anything she said could damage you, since you weren’t a nominee. I would never actually say this to Jessica in person because I’d be too busy pounding the table like a cartoon wolf.
Cody goes after Josh about his vote, and he is not the dude to push at all. Remember, he will bully you until you quit the game if he thinks you might have secret plans against him. So definitely, like, don’t talk to him or anything.
In the comp, poor Christmas is just sitting on the floor to grab candy and just getting whatever lands close to her. I was under the impression that nobody was finding any tickets, but they can turn in up to three at a time, so everybody seems to be hoarding. Baskets is the first one to go. There are three ramps, one is straight and narrow just like the way I live my life. One is an L-shape and it’s not clear to me why anybody thinks they can have the ball make a ninety degree turn long after it leaves their hand. And one is a big loop that seems like it should be impossible but actually turns out to be the best choice. Baskets busts out, and so does Alex. Kevin actually gets one down the straight ramp but it has too much momentum and pops out of the hole. Jessica is next and she’s very bad at it and I don’t know why we’re not just moving the hole for her. Josh takes a turn and does not do very well. Turns our, virtually everybody else is handing their tickets to Paul.
I actually get the logic – it means one person can keep doing it and get some practice in. And while I don’t like the idea that everybody’s defaulting to let Paul win, well, he can’t be nominated this week anyway. The plan is to break up a couple which leaves one person (or even two if the Veto goes very badly) coming after him. It really makes sense to have the guy who’s safe this week make the enemies. Cody is pissed every time somebody passes tickets to Paul. He will not even speak to him.
Finally, Paul sinks one and gets the Head of Household. Normally I wouldn’t enjoy that, but he can’t go home and anybody who wants Cody out is on my good side for now. The enemy of my enemy is my… oh, not friend, exactly. Jessica DRs that she can’t imagine it getting any worse and in a movie, that would be a setup for, like, a meteor to hit the house or something. Scorpions, maybe.
Paul gloats in the DR, which is the worst part of him winning anything. Cody and Jess talk in the pantry. Kevin pops in by accident and tries to get away, but he manages to convince Inspector Cody that he voted to keep Jillian. So Cody figures Josh and Ramses were the ones who lied, and that means poor hometown hero Ramses is being unfairly blamed for something he didn’t do. Cody calls him out and he and Jessica will not listen to Ramses’ protests. Dude? You’re the target and there’s a big alliance. Maybe try not being a dick to one of the people who still might take your side. Josh goes to Cody to talk about their blowup because he’s in that phase of his personality. He starts talking and Cody tells him to leave the room. Cody won’t let him say more than a couple of words because he is absolutely the worst at interacting with people. Like, if you’re talking to Josh, and you’re the one being a butthole? Time for a long hard look at what you’ve been doing wrong. This thing with Cody and Jessica refusing to talk to Josh but talking at length about how they won’t talk to him goes on for way too long and Josh finally leaves the room to cry.
About that? Man, I am the last person to come down on somebody for crying. Watch a Doctor Who regeneration episode with me. But Josh is also a bully, which I hate. You don’t get to bully people and then cry when somebody else turns it back on you. Unless it’s part of you learning a lesson, and I don’t think this is.
Time to see Paul’s HoH room. He calls out “Come on, ducklings” and that’s not cool. We’ve been over this a million times, Paul. Celebrity Apprentice contestants are ducklings. Big Brother houseguests are hamsters. Please remember that in the future. Jessica hides in the Diary Room rather than go up there and Paul seems perplexed by this and wonders if they should wait. They finally just go in and everybody is either excited or fake excited except Cody who stands by the door, scowling and rolling his eyes. He’s got a puss on, as they used to say. And every time they cut to Cody, it’s accompanied by a hilarious angry musical sting. Oh, Big Brother editors. When you are on your game, you’re the best in the business.
Oh, hey. Now it’s time for Paul to start making a plan. Here’s where we’re reminded that Paul is weirdly good at Big Brother in some ways but he’s also not very smart in much more important ways. He wants to put Matt and Raven up as pawns so’s he can backdoor Cody. This is a dumb plan, and they tell him so. The Veto competition could go wrong. If they have a member of their alliance on the block, that’s a vote they don’t have. Dominque, who is totally in this episode and didn’t sneak into the house for this one scene, points out that there are other people who aren’t in their alliance they can use as pawns. Everybody in the room gets that this is a bad idea, especially in a season when temptations can change the rules. Paul seems put out that people don’t think he’s a genius.
For real, you want to get rid of Cody. If you don’t put him on the block at all, he might still play for the Veto and win, and then you lose somebody in your alliance. If you put up one member of his alliance, Cody could Veto them. You have to accept a plan B, which would probably be Jessica. Put both of them up. If one of them gets Veto, you still get the other one out and break up the couple. Backdooring doesn’t work as well when three people are picked at random to play for Veto, so you have to plan for a perfect outcome and then an acceptable outcome. Nominate Cody and Jessica, and that’s what you get.
Temptation Time! This time, the Den has voodoo dolls of all the houseguests. Ramses seems genuinely afraid of them, which is pretty funny. Most of the houseguests take it in good fun and check out the room a little bit. And then Christmas wins the Temptation – the Ring of Replacement. It lets her play in any Veto competition, replacing one of the randomly drawn players. It’s not the most useful power in terms of her game, but it could help if she think she’s being backdoored. Or if they’re trying to backdoor somebody and their name gets picked. It’s no “three weeks of safety”, but it could be a really cool move if used at the right moment. And the punishment? She curses three houseguests by turning them into “Vetoads”. We’ve already got a report on this from our eye in the sky, and it’s the frog costumes. So it’s not a game-breaker, but a fun “screw you”. She curses Baskets, Cody, and Jessica. When it’s Cody turns, he DRs “I don’t care”. Man, could he be any more of a brat. We get it! Mom wouldn’t let you wear your LeBron jersey on class picture day. Well, Grandma and Grandpa are going to put that picture on their refrigerator and you have to dress nicely for them. This is a guy who’s in a house with Paul and Josh, and he’s still my least favorite.
It’s time for Paul to re-litigate his dumb plan. He reluctantly agrees to something that everybody won’t hate, and I have no idea why he thought it was a good idea. So he goes to Alex and says he’s going to nominate her as a pawn, and he thinks this will endear her to him Alex isn’t thrilled about any of this, but she’s going to roll with it. He also thinks nominating Josh is good because Josh wouldn’t pick Cody to play in the Veto. So on the 1-in-10 chance that “Houseguest’s Choice” comes up for him… This is so stupid! Why are you so bad at this game that you spent all summer playing, Paul?
Nomination Ceremony! Before Paul starts, Ramses nominates himself per the terms of his curse. This is a smart time to do it – when there’s a clear mandate to get rid of Cody, you’re pretty safe. Provided Paul manages to get him on the block, which is not at all certain. And now if Ramses wins PoV, he comes off the block and there’s no replacement. You had one job, Paul. And like a dope, he nominates Josh and Alex.
He might have screwed up the easiest slam dunk they could have handed him.
Myndi will be here for Wednesday’s episode which, at this rate, will probably be Paul with his head stuck in a banister for an hour.