Previously on Big Brother: Chris still can’t deal with the fact that he’s not trending, and Rachel learned that she’s trending less than anybody. That’s genuinely surprising considering that she’s hot and also apparently kind of casually racist. How are we not talking about her? Head of Household and person who thinks her grandfather is a bird Kaitlyn nominated Scottie and Winston. They’re both pawns and Chris is her target. Scottie noted that the long-time tradition of nominating two pawns is stupid.

I’m not even ready to deal with what they showed in tonight’s teaser. It’s gonna be grim.

After the nominations, Winston talks about how he needs to win the Veto. Yeah, that’s one of the problems with the two pawn plan. Veto participants are partly random and somebody can blow up everything by winning when they’re not supposed to.

The FOUTTE (sigh) alliance has a good laugh about how Winston is definitely going home and man, I don’t like Winston, but it’ll be so satisfying if Chris goes on the block. That dude is beyond smug. And now, it’s time to pick the players in the Veto competition. Kaitlyn picks Houseguest’s Choice and chooses Faysal, a guy who will keep nominations the same. Scottie draws Rachel and tries a Pokemon reference. Winston draws Tyler’s name. Could be worst for the plan overall, but it’s not super great. Kaitlyn tells Faysal that it’ll be bad for this game if he wins, which is weird behavior, especially since she chose him. Her attempts to explain it just make her sound more and more sketchy. Oh, Kaitlyn. You aren’t very good at this, are you?

It’s night and people are just hanging around and then, son of a gun, Jess and Cody enter the house. No. No. I am done with these people. I shouldn’t have to see them ever again. Jess is beaming because she gets attention, Cody still has the cold dead eyes of a serial killer. Oh, hey. They’re engaged. Well, that keeps them away from the rest of us. The premise is that there’s a dating app exclusively for Big Brother contestants and that’s the Veto challenge. It’s one of those one at a time deals.

Rachel is up first. You have a fake smartphone and it shows you dating profiles for past contestants (Mike Boogie, Jodi from Dan’s season, Jozea, Christmas, another Cody, McCrae, and the Big Meach Michelle) and based on their likes and dislikes, you have to place their cardboard cutouts in the ideal spot for their dream date. Quickest time wins.

Oh, also each participant records a dating video and Kaitlyn describes herself as a fan of “essential oils, yoga, and the backdoor”. Which is hilarious, but not for the reason that she thinks it is.

Rachel seems to do pretty well, but Kaitlyn doesn’t. Scottie also seems to be a mess. Winston times out. Tyler seemingly does a good job. Faysal also does pretty well. Now it’s time for the scores. Rachel did it in 5:49. Scottie did 18:20. Oy. Winston timed out, which we knew. Tyler did 5:29 and takes the lead. Faysal had 6:22. Kaitlyn had 13:12, so that means Tyler has the Veto and maybe the plan is intact.

Tyler is worried about getting blood on his hands, of course. He pitches to Kaitlyn that he should use the Veto on Scottie. But Kaitlyn is now worried about backdooring Chris because her friends won’t like her anymore. Tyler should just tell her that he heard a ghost whisper that Chris needs to go, and she’ll be back on board. Then she goes to tell Faysal that she wants the Veto to be used and she’s just trying to get in his pants so she’s telling him way more than she should. She’s afraid of losing “the best friend that she ever had” and that’s heartbreaking because Faysal only remembers she exists because he has object permanence.

The “Angry Reviewer” from the Crap App shows up and he’s clearly supposed to look like Chris Farley as Matt Foley. Like, offensively so. They could have done something more creative with this. Plus, he’s mostly doing generic insults. Still, it’s pretty funny when he sneaks up on her or wakes her up at night.

Haleigh and Kaitlyn talk because Kaitlyn thinks it’s important that as many people as possible know about the surprise backdoor so they can “soften any negative reactions”. Haleigh is not super cool about somebody from her side being nominated and man, Kaitlyn is going to screw this up. She’s going to panic and nominate somebody from a different show and suddenly like Ed Harris is going to be on the block.

Angie and Haleigh talk in the pantry and Haleigh shares what she knows. Tyler walks in and they change the subject. Angie tells Faysal that Kaitlyn can’t be trusted and Faysal says she’s probably going to put Angela up. And then Kaitlyn goes to Faysal to tell him what she’s actually going to do and why does she play the game this way? Afterwards, she asks for hug and he shoots her down.

And now it’s time for the Veto Ceremony, unless Kaitlyn would like to let some more people know what she’s planning first. Tyler uses the Veto to take Scottie off the block. OK, that’s step one. Kaitlyn, already crying, has to name another nominee. To her credit, she does manage to nominate Chris before completely losing it. Oh, this house is going to be a pleasant place right up until the elimination.

Myndi will be here tomorrow to see what happens. I’m betting Kaitlyn cries a lot and Chris yells and we just might make it without ever using his nickname.

Oh, wait. Chris talks about how he had to grow up “being prepared to die at any moment” and if his neighborhood was that bad, it’s kind of offensive to liken it to losing at a game show, right? Like after Sophie made her choice she never called hardwood floors vs. tile “a real Sophie’s Choice”.

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