Previously on Big Brother, Christie kept insisting Jack didn’t deserve to go home, and that’s something I hate more than anything in this game.  No one really “deserves” to stay or go. It’s just kind of how things work, OK? Please stop crying so much, Christie. I know you won’t, I just felt like saying it. So, who will become the first member of the jury?  And will we actually see the new HOH crowned tonight? That’d be a neat trick they haven’t pulled off much recently!  

In a lovely orange gown that could also double as a promotion for the return of Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Julie says The Six Shooters alliance “lies in ruin”.  That’s just a tad over the top, no? Jackson says he won’t campaign against Jack because he doesn’t want the votes of Tommy, Sis or Christie.  Wait, what? Why would you not want them? I get not feeling like you have any chance to get them, but who turns down votes?  Weird.

We next get back to back montages of Jackson and then Jack’s punishments from the Alien POV comp.  Jackson has to spend 24 hours as the “Area 21 Alien Doctor” and perform “Alien Autopsies” every time he’s called to the back yard, wearing his lab coat, button down shirt and tie. It’s essentially 24 hours of slime exploding in his face and sleep deprivation, which I am completely here for because I don’t really dig Jackson.  As it turns out, though, he’s probably the most charming he’s been all season in this segment, calling his slime covered clothing and a face, “A Bob Ross Original.” Damn you for being briefly likable, Jackson Michie!

Jack has to deal with someone called Big Al the Alien, and Jack explains that Al is “curious”.  He wants Jack to show him how to ring a doorbell, flush a toilet, and prepare food, while doing things like pouring milk and cereal on Jack, breaking watermelons, and dumping four cups of pasta on the ground. It’s general havoc for 24 hours, but they’re all amused because what else do they have to do?  And you have to give kudos to Al for not breaking character and Jack for being, seriously, a very good sport.

The six–minus Jackson–all commiserate over their current situation and talk about how all they all “made a flaw”.  Jack tells Jessica he won’t campaign against Jackson, which had to make Jess very happy, but her face does not betray her.

Jackson joins the group and Cliff rolls his eyes at the whole thing; they’re no longer an alliance, but they’re still having closed-door meetings.  Behind said doors, Jackson says “Y’all should have respected the fact that you should have given me the benefit of the doubt”. Jack apologizes for betraying him, but Jackson is not very accepting.  He says he’s praying for Christie and hopes she can find peace. Jackson says he’s not doing this anymore with her.  All that he’s missing is a “bless your heart” to really nail the whole Southern charm thing.

Jack needs two more votes.  Nick says he’s down if Jack can find a fifth vote.  Jack then says he’s going to “close Hogg”. Ew. It’s days like this I’m glad this is on broadcast, and they can’t show that.  (Oh, I know he just means he’s going to get his vote, don’t worry!) He says he can’t do it with Kat or Nicole, so he grovels to Cliff.  He offers to be a meat shield for Cliff and the collective of four votes he feels he can bring to the table. Cliff DRs that he has to think about it.

Time for the live vote! Jack’s final words are just compliments to each individual houseguest.  Jackson gives shout outs to his family, says the game was taken to personal level, that he’s loyal to a fault and that he never campaigned against his bro.  He ends with a shout out to Holly’s family, which comes off as endearing or smarmy depending on how you feel about Jackson. There are no pleas for votes from either guy, so this must be a done deal.

As it turns out, Jack out gets two votes to stay: from Sis and Christie.  Tommy flips (and the studio audience gasps), but the very pleasant way that Jack exits when the 6-2 results are announced tells me that none of it was a surprise. Upon leaving, Jack is very happy to see audience.

ChenMoonvesterview. Jack says he decided to trust Christie and Tommy over Jackson.  Julie asks if he would do anything differently? He says he can’t live his life in regret, and that you need to stand by your choices.  He says he did trust Jackson, but the numbers were just better with Christie and Tommy, or so he thought.  

Julie then takes a pass at becoming a hard-hitting journalist (which I think maybe she used to be?) and asks why Jack was so nasty to Kemi?  He says it was because she said bad stuff about Jackson, even though he was cooking for everyone, which is a weird qualifier. After seeing a long clip of Jack badmouthing her, Julie recaps for those of us watching on mute: Jack called her a “bitch” and “dogshit”, and said he wanted to “stomp a mudhole through her chest”.  Jack seems a little nervous, but not completely shocked, so I have to assume this was set up ahead of time in order to let him clear his name or something. There have been so many things like this with past houseguests and it has very rarely (if ever) been shoehorned into this interview. He says the whole “Mudhole” comment was based on something Sam from last season said, and if she’s your benchmark for sane, rational thought…yikes. He then says he apologizes, and it seems very sincere. He thinks Kemi is great. He reminds us that when you’re be recorded 24/7, you say things you might regret. He says he doesn’t fully support the comments, he takes them back, and wishes he would have articulated them in some other way, adding that Kemi is wonderful person.

We downshift into the comment where Tommy said that “the proof is in the pudding” with Bella, and Jack responded “rice pudding.” Julie asks if that wasn’t derogatory to an Asian person? Jack starts by saying thank you for letting him voice his opinion. His explanation here is that earlier in the day, they’d been talking Slop recipes, in order to make it taste better, and the idea of rice pudding came up; that this has nothing to do with her ethnicity. It’s a plausible explanation, and really, I think this is some twitter outrage that’s not necessarily warranted.  

Jack admits he’d love some time to himself, so he’s good with going to jury. Addressing the audience regarding doing the show, he says, “If you get the opportunity.  Don’t!” OK, that was objectively funny. Jack, you may an entitled egomaniac, but you’ve kind of won me over here. And after all that talk of racially insensitive language, Julie mentions the lack of goodbye videos, saying “we didn’t gyp you”…um, isn’t that considered a slur against gypsies?  Come on, show! If I have to say “criss cross applesauce” now when I sit cross-legged, then you can’t say “gyp”.  Make an effort!

The HOH comp is here, and it will be a short one.  Everyone has to kayak across a “river” in the yard. The closest to 9 seconds across wins; not over or under, just closest.

Tommy is the third person in, and he clocks in at 8.9 seconds.  The only way to beat that is to get 9.0 on the nose, so the six people that follow would have to be incredibly lucky to unseat him.  Kat is the worst (she shouts “It’s not good!” as she gets underway, to which Chenbot responds, “You were right Kat, it was not good.”), and Sis gets the closest, but on his birthday, Tommy becomes the new HOH!  This means he’s going to have to temporarily abandon his strategy of being everyone’s pal and make some decisions! EJ will be here with the results of Sunday’s field trip and Tommy’s nominations, and then we have POV and another eviction next week.  We’re rounding the turn, folks!  

 

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