Previously on Big Brother: Michie decided he wanted to start having sex with somebody else, so he dumped Kathryn while pretending it was a game move. Who knew a perfectly square head would really bring in the ladies? Jack, in a move that is not surprising to anybody keeping tabs on the live feeds, nominated Jessica and Kemi for eviction. Also, everybody had to touch snakes and I was not at all into that. Oh, and Isabella ratted out her all-female alliance, proving which side she’ll be on when we eventually descend into Handmaid’s Tale times.

We pick up after the nomination ceremony, and after some pleasantries, Isabella tells Nicole that she’s the one who ratted out their alliance. Nicole begins her DR session with “I can not believe or understand…” and I laughed very hard. Isabella assures her that she was trying to save both of them by reporting illicit activities to Jack.

Kemi asks Jack to talk for a second and it’s super awkward. She kind of wants him to do all the talking and he says he nominated her out of respect and he’s afraid of her. I have a joke and I’m not going to say it. Email me and I’ll tell you. She wants to be friends because she hasn’t seen the Live Feeds, and then in the DR she says she plans to slit his throat and then says “don’t air that”. HA!

Nicole goes to Jessica to tell her about Isabella’s dumbass move. Jessica is shocked, and reasonably so. She probably assumed her alliance member wouldn’t report their alliance to a rival instantly. Jessica correctly identifies that as “a bitch ass move”.

Hey? Do we think Nicole is a child who made a wish to be big or an elderly woman who warged into a young person’s body? Those two things look very similar from here.

Camp Comeback! Ovi encourages David to vent and that leads to a montage of David watching people do stuff. He’s pretty well sussed out the Grateful alliance, though he’s got it to six key members, which is actually probably more true than the eight they insist on. He would also like to work with Sam, who he deems “a wild card”. Back in the Camp, David says he wants to cause chaos but he sounds sleepier than people who mean that usually sound.

Oh, man! We see when the earthquake hit and it’s crazy to see how long it went on. I was texting with my friend Lana (who lives in California) when it happened and it was very weird to experience that secondhand. They have to yell at Nick to not stand under the chandelier and that’s the first time anybody has acknowledged that Nick exists this season. I’d be surprised if they remember to let him vote.

Later, we get a blast of reveille and Ovi and David are summoned to put on their camp uniforms. They’re dopey looking boy scout uniforms, which is pretty funny except it looks like what Ovi would actually choose to wear. Jessica tries to talk strategy with Michie while he crunches ice loudly. She’s bad at figuring out who’s allied with who, isn’t she? Michie and Jack are basically joined at the hip. He says that he would help her if he could but he can’t do anything, and she finds that comforting. Man, handsome guys really don’t have to try, do they?

Time to pick players for the Veto! Jack draws Isabella’s name. They’re calling her Bella, so we’ll go with that. Jessica gets Houseguest’s Choice and picks Michie, who will not do anything to help her. Kemi gets Sam’s name and he yells. He sounds a lot like Charlie Day at times. Up in Camp Comeback, David explains to Ovi why Jessica’s choice was crazy. Boy, he should start sharing some of this information with somebody besides Ovi.

Kemi talks to herself about her plans, which include “watching Jessica cry some more”. Hee!

The doorbell rings an it’s floppy-haired Tyler from Season 20! The people who are not familiar with past seasons pretend they know who he is. He’s still with Angela and Analyse DRs about how she’d better watch her back and then immediately recants. She’s not here to start a fight!

With that, we head outside for the Veto competitions. Cliff Hogg III uses the phrase “pain in the patootie” and I don’t want to talk about it. Also, remember this is the Love Island competition so the winner gets to go to Fiji. Eventually. Not right now or anything.

OK, this is complicated. The pool has a bunch of plastic frogs in it – they’re kind of flat and fit together like jigsaw pieces. Once you fill your “aqua clock” with water, you can pick up a frog and add it to your Jenga-style stack. If your clock drains, you’re done.. So it’s a stacking challenge combined with a back and forth challenge combined with water. After thirty minutes plus the remains of your aqua clock, most frogs wins.

Kemi’s strategy is to amass frogs and stack them later. She seems alone in that plan, which either means it’s a really good strategy or a really bad one. Also, and there’s no good way to say this, this whole segment is brought to you by Jessica’s boobs. Isabella struggles with her stack.. Good. Sam and Kemi are doing really well, but her tower collapses at the last second. Sam wins it with 18 frogs. That guy doesn’t do anything on the show by win Vetos and scream. Everybody thinks they can get Sam to use the Veto the way they want because he has no will of his own.

Kathryn corners Sam to talk game. She’s afraid that if he uses it, she’ll be the replacement nominee. Then Kemi walks in and it’s crazy awkward and Kathryn just leaves. And next time we see him, he’s talking to Jessica. And then Nicole walks in and starts sipping loudly and after what seems to be several minutes she says “I just realized what this conversation is” and leaves. Wow. Then Kemi talks to him again.

Later, a voice summons Sam to the Diary Room. There’s a letter waiting for him and when he reads it, he cries. It turns out his grandfather died and that’s such a bad way to find out. Poor guy. He went into the house thinking he was OK and he didn’t get to see him a last time. It sounds like they were really close and man, I’ve been there. Nothing snide here – my heart goes out to Sam and I’m genuinely crying right now.

Boy, there is no good transition into this last segment, but it’s time for the Veto Ceremony. No speeches this week, Sam chooses not to use the Veto.

Myndi will be here tomorrow for the live eviction that doesn’t send anybody out of the house. It’s a little anticlimactic, frankly.

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