Previously on Dancing with the Stars: The high-scoring but relatively unknown Tinashe was eliminated while Grocery Store Joe moved on. Let’s booze up and riot!

It’s Disney Night, and there’s a whole number that incorporates the Juniors about not being able to find Mickey Mouse before the show begins but then he descends from the rafters in a neon outline of his own head and people lose their minds and honestly, probably most of them have never seen a Mickey Mouse cartoon. I’m often struck by the huge gap between Mickey’s importance as a mascot and his near disappearance as an ongoing character. I have a feeling that’s going to happen to the Simpsons once the FOX deal is complete. The show will end and Disney will slap a character-free version of Homer on any flat surface they can find.

Alexis Ren and Alan Bersten (29/30) – I don’t know if it’s actually offensive, but Alexis dressing like Pocahontas does not sit comfortably with me. In the video package, it is implied that Alexis and Alan are an item, and good for them I guess? Partner relationships on this show are always long-lived! (Kym and Robert excepted, of course. They seem very happy.) It’s a Foxtrot to the song that isn’t “Colors of the Wind” and it’s quite good, but I feel like they brought up the whole “Maybe we have feelings” bit to give it a little extra pop.

Len compliments their chemistry (see what I mean?) but thinks the footwork is a bit off. Bruno acts out a bunch of moves. Carrie Ann says Disney Night can be challenging but now she believes in fairy tales. Save that one for an actual fairy tale! They get a 29, and at least three points of that is the judges sucked in by a possible relationship.

Juan Pablo di Pace and Cheryl Burke (29/30) – They dropped out of first place for the first time last week. Man, I’m not going to recap all the scenes of people talking about how great Disney is. But have you ever heard Scott Aukerman’s story about playing Br’er Bear at Disneyworld (Land? I always get them mixed up)? He got lost and knew he’d be fired if he took the head off so he just wandered the park for hours, getting heat stroke. Anyway, they’re doing the Viennese Waltz to the Gaston number. I’ve never actually seen this movie – it came out right in the sweet spot of me being a teen who was too cool to see Disney movies and I’ve never gone back for it. I like the dance a lot even if the props and additional dancers obscure it, but it sounds like Josh Gad is actually singing and I have a beef with him so it’s very distracting. I liked it, though. It was just a fun dance to watch with a good use of things that I usually think of as detriments.

Bruno says it was spot-on. Carrie Ann talks about hair a lot. Len likes their gusto and zest. What about verve and elan? They get a 29!

DeMarcus Ware and Lindsay Arnold (26/30) – DeMarcus claims that Hercules is his favorite Disney movie, and that isn’t anybody’s favorite Disney movie, but it’s cool that he’s going to play along. James Woods is very fun in that movie, it’s just a shame about his whole deal now. They’re doing a Charleston, which is not one of my favorites, but it’s fun. There’s a stretch of fairly rough footwork, but it’s high energy and lots of cool lifts including four dudes getting in a circle and lifting their four partners at the same time. It’s silly and it made me smile. We learn that the strap on Lindsay’s shoe broke immediately, but you’d never know.

Carrie Ann proclaims DeMarcus a hero. Len says it made him feel great, but it lacked Charleston. Bruno says the Charleston was there and it was their most complete performance. They get a 26.

Evanna Lynch and Keo Motsepe (24/30) – They’re doing a Jazz dance to a song from Tangled, which I also haven’t seen. It’s a Mandy Moore song, but not the Mandy Moore you usually associate with this show. That’s going to be confusing. Oh, also their obligatory Disneyland footage has Keo clearly not enjoying a roller coaster, which is very funny. Len’s not going to like this one because it takes Evanna forever to get involved in the dance. And they both have easels, which is a pretty literal take on the lyrics. They do a good job, but Jazz dances so often are just mirroring one another’s movements for a couple minutes and don’t do much for me.

Len enjoyed the “light and shade” but it wasn’t spectacular. Bruno calls her “competent and self-assured”, which is damning with faint praise. Carrie Ann says she’s dancing a little narrow and has to make use of space. I also like that she says “Bruno’s a little right”. HEE! They get a 24.

Joe Amabile and Jenna Johnson (17/30) – Oh, Lord. They’re dancing to a song from the Wreck-It Ralph sequel that hasn’t come out yet. I liked the first movie a lot, but this one looks like an extended Disney commercial. So that part is value neutral. But this is a Jive. It’s Grocery Store Joe. And it’s a song by Imagine Dragons. So that’s three strikes before they even hit the floor. Can I just not recap it? Nothing against Jenna, who seems pretty rad. But it’s the worst dance style and the worst contestant this year and, holy smokes, this song is not good. Sorry Jenna! You’re getting caught in my Apathy Splash Zone.

Bruno senses a faint glimmer of hope, but it’s still not good. Carrie Ann is more enthusiastic and calls it a “vast improvement”. Len admires the way Joe keeps coming back. Well, or course. Why do we fall, Master Bruce? They get a 17. Ouch.

Mary Lou Retton and Sasha Farber (25/30) – They’re doing a Contemporary dance from the Mulan song. You would expect me to do the Rick and Morty reference right now, but I’m too unpredictable for that. I don’t think they’re rally taking advantage of the Contemporary format – other than a big lift, this could be re-choreographed as a Waltz with very little difficulty. There’s nothing wrong with it except that it’s just a bit boring.

Carrie Ann talks about Mary Lou’s transformation and how much she loves to see her opening her heart. Len liked that it was gentle and understated but he didn’t like the “roly-poly”. Bruno loves her determination and sees her improving every week. She gets a 25.

John Schneider and Emma Slater (24/30) – They’re doing a Quickstep to King Louie’s song from Jungle Book, which is a number I really like. It’s light and fun and the footwork is nice, but you can tell he’s working at a lower level than most of the field. The man is 58 years old, so that’s understandable. But it’s still a solid performance. He’s not going to win but he’s not out yet either.

Len said he lost some energy but it’s a “spectacular job”. Bruno calls it a recognizable Quickstep, which sounds nicer when he says it than when you read it. Carrie Ann calls it their best performance. It’s a solid 24.

Bobby Bones and Sharna Burgess (21/30) – They’re doing a Waltz to a song from The Little Mermaid because Sharna looks kind of like Ariel. The beginning of the dance kind of has Sharna pursuing Bobby and it plays a little off because Bobby’s footwork is just off enough to be apparent and the way the choreography has Sharna just missing him makes it super awkward because he needs to be in exactly the right place for it to look good. It gets better, but Bobby’s only going to get so good.

Bruno says he carried on, but he was on the wrong beat. Carrie Ann is impressed that his posture was so good. Len says it was in his comfort zone. It’s a 21.

Milo Manheim and Witney Carson (27/30) – Oh, cool! They’re doing the end credits theme from Incredibles 2. I will never complain about Incredibles content. They’re even wearing the costumes! Oh, I like this. Milo comes in on a zip line, and they save Tom Bergeron from a group of Screenslavers. Then it’s basically a normal Quickstep, but something about the fact that they’re both wearing pants and boots creates a weird visual effect for me. It’s just a lot of red and black legs on the floor. I really liked it, but man, I am such a mark for the Parr family.

Carrie Ann loved their technique and seems generally really excited. Len feels like they missed the mark on body contact. Bruno demands a sequel. They get a 27, including a 10 from Bruno.

And now they’re very rushed on the results so Tom and Erin have to book it. DeMarcus and Lindsay are in jeopardy! What? So are Alexis and Alan. There’s an audible “What?” from the crowd. These couples have both scored consistently high and because it’s Disney Night…. nobody is eliminated! Man, they dragged that out.

Myndi will be here next week for a spooky Halloween episode. I hear they even have a skeleton dancing a number! You know, Bobby…. BONES! Be glad I’m not doing next week, because you’d end up with a lot of sub-Crypt Keeper jokes.

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