Can we just get to the merge, already? I hope CBS is about to switch it up, because right now, this season’s Survivor is a show about one tribe. A dysfunctional, helpless tribe that keeps going to tribal council. Which, in fairness, is the narrative every season and we have plenty of time to get into the rest of the cast of characters in the other tribes once we merge, but …wow …watching is a bit of a chore, at the moment.

Seriously. Thinking about last Wednesday’s episode, here were the highlights of time spent with the other two tribes (the tribes without Varner and Abi).

  1. We got to see a couple of minutes of Jeremy (the Black-Guy) acting like he didn’t have the Hidden Immunity Idol
  2. We saw Chaos Kass  making little trinkets and birthday presents for her tribe mates because she’s trying to be a better person.

That was it!

Sure, we can dig into the Abi-Varner-Savage-Tasha-Woo tribe a little deeper and point out how flawed Woo’s game is, or how the fact Abi (The Angry Latino) is somehow the lynch pin of her tribe and everyone’s kissing her butt when they should be voting her out for obvious reasons, and how Varner is out because of his paranoia, and we will. But I’m ready to see some drama and game-play from the other tribes.

There was an awesome Survivor-moment. The highlight of last week was the Reward Challenge, which wasn’t a team thing, but instead was a man’s game. Strength against strength. And amazingly, some fifteen years after Super Terry made himself a Survivor, legend, he was at it again winning (well, finishing second) challenges. Remember …he won like 9 straight challenges on his season. I’ve talked about it before. He was a physical threat, a strategy threat, and extremely like-able so everybody on his season was waiting for him to slip up and lose a challenge so they could all vote him out, and he …wouldn’t …lose. It was awesome. If I recall, he made the final four or final three, and then finally lost and wasn’t invited to be in the final 3 or final 2 and plead his case.

I loved Terry, then. And I love him, now.

Keep in mind, he’s 10 or 15 years older than he was during his first-chance season and, still, his tribe picked him for the Reward Challenge and that tough S.O.B. nearly won. And finishing second (with three tribes) still meant his tribe got a reward. His tribe picked Terry over Joe. You know you’re a badass when you have a A.A.R.P. card and you can still whip everyone on Survivor.

But I guess we have to talk about Abi’s Tribe. Yup. I’m calling it “Abi’s Tribe” because she’s made herself the most-valuable-vote and everyone is walking on eggshells around her. Proving, even Tasha (a “brain” invited back from the Brains-Brawn-Beauty season) can’t figure out that Abi isn’t a good ally. Not now. And definitely not once they merge. Someone …anyone …who knows her and knows she’s tight with Super Terry should speak up and say …get …her …out!!! Now! It’s not even like Abi’s legendary back-stabbing and flip-flopping might happen over a few days or tribal councils, it could happen overnight. Hell, it could happen in a half hour if she suddenly suspects you stole her bracelet.

Plus, I think she’s bad television and bad for Survivor. We’re sitting at 30+ seasons and we can’t be highlighting a girl who (a) can’t survive on her own, (b) has zero social game, and (c) doesn’t have a thought or strategy longer than an episode at a time. She’s started each episode with one alliance, and ended the episode with another.

Which brings me to Woo. I guess fans voted him back because he seems like a nice guy. But, unfortunately, he’s a dumb-guy. I can’t imagine how many times a day this guy smokes a bowl or burns one. He’s brain dead. Easy-going, sure …that’s what pot-heads act like. And in the real world, we could all “chill” a little and roll with the punches, but Survivor is not a place for High Times subscribers. This game is happening to him and he doesn’t have the foggiest idea how to fix his situation or plot and scheme.

In summary, the season needs a real shake-up because it’s getting boring. If I were to make a prediction for this week, I’d say …oh …Abi’s Tribe will be back at Tribal Council because I can’t imagine any immunity challenge where they could beat the other two tribes. Which means their numbers dwindle and their ability to make moves and alliances at the merge keep diminishing, and what fun is that?

It’s not like any of us will stop watching because, let’s face it, we’re still in the “pre merge” phase and I guess this is the best we can hope for during this phase. Even if Abi’s Tribe completely goes extinct, few of us are losing our favorite players (although I’m going to miss Varner). But we’re ready to merge. Let’s go. Whaddya think? One more week and then merge?

I guess we’ll all wait to be pleasantly surprised, this week, and maybe the predictable story line will change on it’s own or with CBS’s help.

Anything I missed? Anything in particular you want my strong opinion on? And I invite you to share yours in the Comments.

Thanks for reading and see you next week.

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