Welcome back to the Web’s best The Bachelor  recaps. Are we really “the best”? Well, my wife, daughter, and two of my sister-in-laws say spunkybean’s “the best,” so I’m going with it.

For those new to the spunkybean Bachelor recaps, here’s some items to note:

  1. Nicknames v. Actual Names – I suck with names. I envy those people who can watch a reality show and immediately pick up on names and faces. I, instead, learn people by their behavior, distinguishing physical features, or some other quirk the show’s Producers decide to focus on. So, if a girl named Kendall collects dead animals and sings to them, I’m more inclined to call her “Dead Animal Singing-Girl” instead of “Kendall.” Or if a girl keeps talking about her deceased father having met Arie, and then doesn’t get a rose, I’m going to remember that.
  2. These are not play-by-play accounts of the show. Your favorite moment might not have registered on my radar, but feel free to Comment. Again, I couldn’t help but notice a girl singing to dead animals, a girl showing up in a classic Mustang or Indy car, or wearing a mask, but I probably don’t remember exactly who brought the pet rock, the little wiener toy, or put the bumper sticker on Arie’s butt.
  3. I will only be mean and catty if a girl is mean and nasty first. I was actually asked by a reader to “be nicer to the girls” and in this world where leaders of nations use the Internet and social media to “bully”, I think spunkybean, a website devoted to TV because we love TV, should be a little nicer. But, if a girl like Chelsea (Single Mom from Portland) comes out on the first night with resting-bitch-face and nasty comments about other girls within the first 15-minutes, well, she’s easy to pick on.

Most Screen Time – Chelsea

So, let’s start with Chelsea, since she stole the show on Night 1. She was the first girl introduced to start the show declaring it “her time” to find love. You might know, I’m always suspicious of any single-mother who leaves her child for the better part of a month to go on a TV show. Is Chelsea going to be our favorite, the villain, or the worst-ever and will Child Protective Services take her child away (which is possible by the mere fact she left her child to go on a TV dating show). Her immediate claim-to-fame is bull rushing Arie before he even finished his opening toast to get  one-on-one time, and then dragging him away again, later for more one-on-one time. She also made some pretty bold and brash statements in front of the other girls and ABC wants us to know she’s a strooooooong personality. Nothing wrong with a strong personality, ladies. Self-confidence and strength are amazing qualities, but sometimes “strong personality” isn’t so flattering when it means you don’t get along with other people, or possibly your ex-husband. I’m sure the Internet would tell me about her and why Chelsea’s a single-Mom, but we’ll choose to learn about her week by week, OK? Obviously, her approach worked because she got the First Impression Rose. Remember, we don’t see what Arie sees.

Final thought on Chelsea – I think she looks a little like how Caitlyn Jenner is trying to look. Here are their pictures, but it’s more noticeable when you see her in action on the show.


Most Interesting – Bekah

Short-Hair Bekah (a Nanny) is accused of being “young” and could never work for 36-year-old, Arie. In most cases, that’d be true, but Bekah intrigues me and seems like an “old soul” – like someone creating an entire Betty Boop, Pin-Up girl 1950s persona, as evidenced by her entering the show in a classic convertible Mustang. She’s also a Nanny by occupation, which might seem like a great way to make a living but could also mean she’s trying to be a 1950s TV Mom without actually having the husband, children, and apron for working in the kitchen. Too soon to tell, of course, but Bekah (from the previews) looks to be emotionally fragile and will not be liked by many of the other girls and will be picked on. She might also simply be too young for the pressure cooker of The Bachelor.

spunkybean’s (My) Early Favorites

I shouldn’t speak for EJ, Myndi, or Larry (because I’m pretty sure these spunkybean writers don’t watch The Bachelor), but I know they’d agree with me. My favorites are Tall Real Estate Agent Caroline, Shawl-Wearing Bibiana, and Lauren S. (The Cute-Smiley Lauren).

I shouldn’t like Caroline because in my Snap Judgements post, I said I don’t like tall girls. Dumb reason. And, in her intro-video, she claimed she’s in real estate (like Arie), that she’s sold over $5-million in deals, and declared herself, “pretty damn good.” So arrogant, but remember how above I talked about confidence being a good thing? Well, confidence looks really good on her. Despite that bold self-congratulatory moment, she was gorgeous, seemed classy, didn’t tower over Arie despite her height, and was funny and easy-going on Night 1.

Bibiana jumped out at me right away from her bio, and despite dressing herself like an old-lady last night, she was quite charming, funny, and down-to-earth. Why am I so inclined to find someone “down to earth” for Arie? Well, because I genuinely think, at 36, and despite rumors of his horrible behavior (with women) over the past few years, that he wants what former Bachelor Sean (and wife Catherine) have – a family and the lifestyle that comes with that. She’s 30 years old (anyone 30 or older should be at the top of his rose-giving list). Plus, once she loses that shawl, I think America will see what I see … that she’s beautiful.

And then there’s Lauren S., who’s the only girl on the show that seemed a little shy and nervous. Confidence, as I said, is good, but everyone seemed confident. Some of that confidence seemed fake. Lauren S. giggled and blushed – what’s wrong with that? I hope I don’t learn she’s just a really good actress.

Other Early Favorites

Tia from a Town Called Weiner – Very cute and also seems a little nervous. Again, it’s not like I need girls to be weak and demure, but there’s something charming about someone actually being nervous on TV and nervous about dating a complete stranger. It seems real to me. I know I’d be hella nervous.

Maquel arrived last driving an Indy car. That was gimmicky and I have to be honest, this pick is simply because she’s breathtakingly gorgeous and, hey, that’s a factor and I wonder how her clever entrance and her good-looks will translate when he takes her on a one-on-one. Was giving her the last rose a signal? Or just good TV?

Krystal would normally annoy me as an “online fitness and health coach” because I probably would’ve just assumed she was into some sorta health shake and was selling it, or just trying to be the next Millenial to make a million bucks because they’re attractive on the Internet, but when she talked about her brother being homeless, and not accepting help, and that she goes out daily and delivers food to other homeless people, well, I’m not a monster. It touched me.

I felt bad for Jessica, the girl who kept pointing out that her deceased Father had met Arie, and liked him, and that was basically a blessing on their marriage. Jessica didn’t get a rose. Why do I feel bad for her? Because she took this entire process as a “sign” from her Dad in heaven, and I’m personally big on “signs.”  Like, when I see a penny, I think it’s my Grandmother, or my other guardian angels, in heaven throwing it down for me to find so I’ll think of them and try to figure out what they’re telling me. Once, I started a new job and found a single penny in the drawer of my new desk and thought it was a “good luck” message, or them telling me I made the right choice. Then again, I once got a speeding ticket and when I was looking for my registration, I found a whole handful of pennies. A sign? Were they yelling at me to slow down? I share this because, like Jessica, I look at things often as “signs from above” so what, then, when things go crappy? Does it mean all the “signs” are just a buncha random coincidences? That there aren’t “signs” from Moms, Dads, and Grandparents in Heaven?

No. I refuse to believe it. I’ve seen too many “signs” that defy explanations. I’ll keep looking for them and listening. I hope Jessica does, too. Maybe “Dad” does like Arie, but maybe Dad also knows, on that first night, that Arie fell hard for 2, 3 or a half-dozen other girls and Dad doesn’t want his baby-girl to hurt more than she needs to be, so his guiding hand guided Arie’s hand to give roses to other girls. Think about it, Jessica. Fathers know best.

That’s all I got. Let’s quick rundown who got roses along with Single-Mom Chelsea (got the first impression rose). Some won’t have defining moments or memorable characteristics, yet, and that’s OK. We’ll get to know them week by week. THANKS FOR READING.

  • Indian-Food-Restaurant-Owner Marikh
  • Dead Animal Singing Girl Kendall
  • Lauren G. (aka Black Lauren)
  • Homeless-Brother Internet Work-Out Instructor Krystal
  • Short-Hair Arrived in a Mustang Bekah
  • Cute-As-a-Button Lauren S. 
  • Seinne
  • Tall Real Estate Girl Caroline
  • Mini-Race-Car-Girl Brittany T.
  • Old-Lady-Shawl Bibiana
  • Mask Girl (name?)
  • Tia from Weiner (snicker, snicker)
  • Arrived in an Indy Car Maquel
  • Jenna
  • Valerie
  • Jacqueline
  • Jenny
  • Lauren B. 
  • Ashley 

See you next week. Follow @spunkybean or @donkowalewski (or both) on Twitter.



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One Response to The Bachelor, Season 22, Episode 1 – Premiere

  1. […] a few weeks ago when I thought Drug-Addict-Brother Krystal was a sweetheart and had overcome a great deal of […]

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