Oh, for anyone watching The Bachelorette for the first time, you know Emily has a daughter, right? She fell in love with a race car driver as a teenager, they got engaged, and then he died in a plane crash. Hey, ABC decided to mention that 7 times, so I want to make sure you’ve got that. Well, her fiancé died and then 3 days after he died, she learned she was pregnant with their child. It’s important you know this so you forgive Emily our Friemily some of her faults.
The-Guy-Who-Consults-Luxury-Brands (aka Kalon, aka The Guy Who Arrived by Helicopter because, well, he’s into luxury …and, um, brands …and tennis and expensive suits). This guy’s gonna have a tough time on this show because he’s going to have to figure out how to love someone else more than he loves himself. Hey, Luxury Guy, 1980 called and wants it’s philosophy back. On the one hand, he might be too young to be role-modeling Alex P. Keaton and watching Wallstreet over and over again, but on the other hand, he’s a total douchebag. Do you think he might’ve renamed himself “Kalon” because he thought it sounded like a more luxurious name?