Oh, for anyone watching The Bachelorette for the first time, you know Emily has a daughter, right? She fell in love with a race car driver as a teenager, they got engaged, and then he died in a plane crash. Hey, ABC decided to mention that 7 times, so I want to make sure you’ve got that. Well, her fiancé died and then 3 days after he died, she learned she was pregnant with their child. It’s important you know this so you forgive Emily our Friemily some of her faults.

The-Guy-Who-Consults-Luxury-Brands (aka Kalon, aka The Guy Who Arrived by Helicopter because, well, he’s into luxury …and, um, brands …and tennis and expensive suits). This guy’s gonna have a tough time on this show because he’s going to have to figure out how to love someone else more than he loves himself. Hey, Luxury Guy, 1980 called and wants it’s philosophy back. On the one hand, he might be too young to be role-modeling Alex P. Keaton and watching Wallstreet over and over again, but on the other hand, he’s a total douchebag. Do you think he might’ve renamed himself “Kalon” because he thought it sounded like a more luxurious name?

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8 Responses to The Bachelorette: Emily (Premier)

  1. Karen says:

    OK….this is the worst group of bachelors in the history of the show! It was one dork after another… Emily could just pick the football player kid fitness trainer guy and we can be done. I love Emily so why did the boring annoying last bachlorette that I can’t remember her name get way better bachelors? Oh well, I am hoping some of the them grow on me. They always do and I always enjoy your recap. So that’s why I continue to watch the show. And yes! Summer can officially begin! I like to watch my Bachlorette with a margerita!

  2. Steph says:

    This season is going to be interesting. The quality of most of the bachelors this season isn’t up to par with previous though, I would agree. I personally love Charlie so don’t diss the guy with the head injury – my mom is epileptic. He seemed to be one of the only sweet genuine ones that wasn’t completely focused on looks and was more interested in getting to know her on a personal level rather than get in her pants (well ball gown). I like Jef and Chris as well… but just not as yummy. Aarie (race car driver guy), wow those eyes! But not quite as attractive as Charlie. He kind of reminds me of Channing Tatum – he’s hawt too 🙂
    As for the football/fitness guy, really? Are we that shallow? Sure he’s ‘good looking’, but he’s not that fantastic. She let go of the fitness model – which I find HILARIOUS! That was another douche all about looks! As for hellicopter guy – I hope that’s the one she tells to get the f*** out!” LOL. He’s such a huge douchebag!!! Ok gossip over, work time 🙂

  3. Karen says:

    I should add that I actually really liked Charlie and Nate and I am really not shallow. 🙂 I swear!

  4. Don says:

    Karen- “worst group of bachelors” can only mean one thing … “best season EVER.” Oh, and I’m not looking for depth and substance among my readers …keep it shallow and superficial ’round here.

  5. Don says:

    Steph- I will not make fun of the Head-Injury guy for his head injury. Trust me. spunkybean’s Bach’ette recaps aren’t mean and spiteful. I WILL make fun of him if he turns out to be a dork. But, yes …he was among the small group of normals. As for the fitness model who wanted to show off his body …ahem …buddy, this is Bachelorette …have you watched? Everyone has perfect, chiseled bodies. Next time …bring an ostrich egg.

  6. Don says:

    And one more thing … “Luxury Guy” had better go everywhere in a helicopter for the rest of the season because that would be awesome. Helicopter, jet-pack, or segue scooter. Nothing else. LUXURY!

  7. Deborah says:

    Emily is going to be boring only because she really has to watch her reputation and she has a 6 year old!! But then again so was Ben and at least crazy Courtney made it interesting. I think the 2 guys with kids are going to be front runners, as is Arie. She can’t stay away from the racing scene. Can’t wait to see the weird jealous guy get into it with Kalon. It will be a good season and At least we will see some modesty from a bachelorette.

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