Last night The Bachelorette was all about me determining if either of the Milli-Vanilli (aka The-Long-Hairs, aka Ben-the-wine-Guy and Constantine), Bald-Guy (aka J.P.), or Ames would be best for Ashley. I know Ashley won’t necessarily choose who’s best for her (Ames), but this was a big step. Ashley’s choice comes down to two movie cliche characters, a nerd, or a spazz.

Let’s begin. We have much to recap and then quite a bit o’ philosophizing to do.

Constantine (who will be played by Keanu Reeves in the movie adaptation of his life’s story)

Together we all journeyed to Cummings, GA (a suburb of Atlanta) and to Constantine’s home town. Constantine is Greek, and Greek families always represent well on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, and with the break out hit from a few years ago, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Greeks are the best kind of immigrant, these days. Constantine, when at home and not traveling the world and chasing Ashley, helps run his families, um, Italian restaurant? Hey …he’s running a business. He knows a Greek restaurant wouldn’t work in Atlanta, so he went with a pizza joint.

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