Is it a relief that Desiree is sending home the jerks that only came on the The Bachelorette in order to get into “the club” or, possibly, be the next The Bachelor? Because, don’t we sit through season after season yelling at our TV screens for Bachelors and Bachelorettes to wake up and smell the roses (a Bachelorette pun …bam!) about certain guests in the mansion? It’s always about who’s there for the “right reasons.” And buff-body, Jersey-Shore-stand-in (aka James) is the latest victim of being there for the “wrong reasons.”
Can we go back and see if he was singing/rapping “all the right reasons” from a few weeks ago? Or was he just mouthing the words? Check the tape.
But was he there for the right reasons? I guess we’ll never know …well, maybe until “the Bachelors tell all” in a few weeks, even though when that airs, he’s going to continue backing down from what he supposedly said, and all the noble gentlemen (who need to remind themselves what show they’re on) will keep grilling James and Mikey about what they may have said, so it’ll go ‘round and ‘round in circles and we’ll all be left believing what we already believe.
And I believe James probably said something like, “hey, maybe I can be the next Bachelor,” or, “it’ll be great to be a Bachelor alumni” and that’s OK. Anyone who goes on this show, whether they’ll admit it or not, is thinking about that. Period. If James is lying, well so are all the guys attacking him. It’s impossible that it hasn’t crossed their minds. We’ve all watched Bachelor Pad and seen the footage of the awesome alumni cruises and trips to Vegas. And if you follow every former contestant on Twitter, like I do, you’ll see this show’s alumni have an amazing life filled with parties and pseudo-celebrity status. It’s amazing. Truly …follow some of them on Twitter. It’s unreal how long some have been able to milk their Bachelor/Bachelorette fame.
The guy who shouldn’t be getting roses anymore is tattle-tale Michael (pictured, above). Dude wasn’t even privy to this alleged James-Mikey conversation where they were talking about cruising Chicago and picking up women on his boat (totally and ridiculously cheesy, by the way, I mean, unless I was young and had enough money to buy a boat and keep it in a slip in downtown Chicago and then go on cruises around the city …if I was doing it, it would be cool. But James and Mikey will make it look dorky, even though they don’t care what I think and what I think is mostly built on jealousy and envy, and they will have a boat full of slutty girls who treat them like celebrities whether I say it’s dorky or not).
Drew should also go, and I don’t care how handsome he is or how perfect his hair is. He’s a weasel. Twitter girls fell in love with him last night when he grabbed Desiree by the arm in the middle of their date and fled into a Barcelona alley way to smash face. Kinda cool if (a) he had actually managed to go far enough away and fast enough to elude the Green Berets ABC has employed as camera men and (b) if he had a better plan than just smashing face with Desiree. It’s not like “kissing” couldn’t have happened anywhere on that date. There should’ve been more …like ducking into a bar or something. Something.
And did they even finish their dinner?
The group date was a boys v. girls soccer game which might’ve been fun, but muscle-bound James wasn’t too into playing goalie. Why? I can see loafing a bit and letting Desiree’s team win …but he was just totally lame and did nothing. He did less than nothing. And all the other guys ripped on him, but that’s a bit unfair. After the first, oh, 3 or 4 goals and if you saw James didn’t want to mess up his manicure, any one of those dudes could’ve taken his place in goal. Not saying they would’ve won, but it might’ve been closer. I’m surprised ABC producers didn’t intervene.
Group dates are stupid, anyway, so why do I care?
The group date was drama, drama, drama. Drew’s date was nice, but ended up being dramatic and emotional, and then Ripped-Abs Guy (aka shirtless guy from the first night, aka Zak) got the other one-on-one date and it was boring. His Dad is a recovering alcoholic and he once thought about being a Catholic priest. And he has really great abs. I guess it all sounds ‘OK’, but I don’t trust this guy.
Hear that, Zak? I’m watching you.
After all the dates, the dudes confronted James again. Then Desiree confronted James. And then they both “slept on it” and in the end, he didn’t get a rose, nor did Foreign-Accent-Guy (aka Juan Pablo), or Zach-Efron-Guy (aka Kasey). Have we had three guys eliminated like this before? This seemed like a rush job. Like Desiree might’ve pulled the producers aside and said, hey, there are only about two or three guys here who I still feel like smashing face with, so can we hurry this along a bit and can I get rid of a few that kinda creep me out?
It’s obvious …it’s going to be Chris (it has to be Chris), Brooks, or Drew. Right? I’m betting she didn’t want Michael around, either, but ABC likely told her eliminating four in a single night wouldn’t work for their travel and production plans. But mark my words, he ain’t getting a one-on-one date unless she uses it to oust him. He’s the biggest snake of anyone (I’m talking about Michael). For two weeks in a row, all he did was try and bitch-slap dudes in the house, and whine to Desiree …he’s a tool.
There you have it. Another week in our journey towards love. I mean, we’re not on the journey, but we love Desiree so much, it’s like we are.
Who do you like? Who’s the front-runner in your private Bachelorette fantasy? Who do you think Desiree is hot for? Chris, right? Have you ever been to Spain? It looks awesome. Why weren’t they drinking Sangria? I thought that’s all they drink in Spain? Will you be back reading my recap next week? I hope so. Thanks for reading and see you next week.