So much happens on Adam Lambert's second attempt at a debut CD, For Your Entertainment, I don't know where to begin. Yes ...Adam Lambert had a CD a few years ago that didn't sell because he hadn't been on American Idol, yet.

If you like Richard Marx, and rock operas, and Queen, and ear piercingly high falsetto ala The Jersey Boys, and a male vocalist singing lyrics meant for Britney Spears (the world doesn't need a male-Britney), then you'll love this CD.

Tell me that "Whataya Want from Me" isn't Richard Marx reincarnated (and not the man himself, just Marx's 1980s voice and musical styling ...Richard Marx is alive, right?). If I could objectively look at this CD as simply a collection of songs and music, I'd probably call it boring and manufactured. And that's pretty much par for the course from American Idol alumni, at least on their first CDs. But considering who Adam Lambert is, what he did on last seasons show, the music cannot be taken by itself.

Maybe you heard, Adam Lambert is out of the closet. And that's OK. For regular people in real life it's OK. But for manufactured pop-artists and young movie and television stars, I think there's a reason a person veils their sexual preference. It's nothing more than Marketing 101. It's even the reason young Hollywood stars and music acts probably don't get married. And this is just a theory ...but we want our young sensations to be accessible. Meaning, we want to think we have a chance. No, I'm not kidding. I buy what Freud was selling (that every impulse we have to do anything is driven by our sexual desire), and I liked Catherine Zeta Jones and Jennifer Garner a lot more before ...well ...you know ...they got married and had kids. I mean ...I had a chance. I'm sure of it.

I believe that's how we all think of those who entertain us, and it pretty much can be applied to anyone in pop-culture.

"You make me wanna listen to music again." -Adam Lambert on "Music Again"

And those who hate the young, pop sensations want to hate them for their crappy music and work, and we don't want our hate clouded by others thinking we might be homophobic or racist or that we're acting on any other unacceptable expression of resentment.

For example, as a 30-something, the first thing I ever hated simply for its existence was New Kids on the Block. They popped into the nation's consciousness in the late-80s, and as a middle-school kid heading into high-school, it was the point in my life where I had to start picking sides - as in musical "sides." Was I going to be a "rock guy" ...or a "classic rock guy"? Or was I more a "rap guy?" And, being the 80s, I could have been an "alternative guy."  Being an "alternative guy" was still OK at that time, even though "alternative", if I remember, was defined as The Cure, Morrissey, Pet Shop Boys, Tears for Fears, and some other groups like that. Think hair died dark, paired with black shirts, black pants, and checker-board slip on tennis shoes. I think they were called "Vans." You can tell I didn't head down the "alternative" road, until "alternative" turned into Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Red Hot Chili Peppers a few years later.

But The New Kids on the Block burst onto the scene with boyish good looks, impossible-to-ignore boyish faces singing catchy songs with stupid lyrics, they had happy videos that girls loved, and if you were a fan, you could express your fandom through dolls ...and posters ...and "I Heart" mugs. Those New Kids were everywhere. So, naturally, dudes had to hate them - for sucking and for being contrived.  Imagine, however, that somehow it was leaked that two of the members were gay? Or that two other dudes were married and had kids, and were actually in their mid-20s? In an instant, I predict, their popularity would've plummeted. And if those things were known before they hit their first mall concert, the group would've been stalled at the starting line.

Hey, I'm not saying our prejudice, judgemental, hypocritical society is right or wrong, but it is what it is. Just ask Wham! and George Michael how their career might've panned out had there not been some modest hiding of some certain facts.

But that was the 80s, and this is 2009. Things are different, now, right? In many ways, yes. But when it comes to mass appeal super stardom, unfortunately, not enough.  For Adam Lambert, there was no use dodging the questions or playing coy. In 2009, if you do something, it's public record. Period. In the old days, guys like Freddy Mercury, Elton John, and Billy Joel were never were asked "the question" and never needed to address it. No, Billy Joel isn't gay, but the point is, nobody asked him or speculated. Sometimes I wonder if the old stance of "denial", "ignoring", or "don't-wanna-know" was actually more enlightened than our current obsession with determining everyone's sexuality. Media, from what I see, can't rest until they determine who's straight or gay - like they used to try and out Communists, sort of. Adam Lambert found himself on national television on one of the biggest weekly television shows in history and the nation found him. We found his past because ET, E!, Entertainment Weekly, and TMZ were hell bent on finding out the truth - a truth we say doesn't matter, and "not that there's anything wrong with that," yet we can't ever seem to let it go, nor do we seem to be able to know it and then simply move on.

So when Adam Lambert releases For Your Entertainment and I honestly don't like it, I worry that people will say, "well you don't like it because of 'Strut', and 'If I Had You' ...'Fever' ...and 'Pick U Up' and you just aren't comfortable with his lifestyle." And that's not true. I don't like the CD because it sounds like about 15 different people wrote 15 different types of songs all hoping one of them could be used to get Adam into the Top-10, or into someone's yearbook as their "Class Song", or as an anthem for some sort of thing or another. And each track is just over produced and synthesized. My question is ...Adam ...what kind of music do you like and what kind of album are you trying to make?

For other Idol winners and runners-up, it's been easy ...Clarkson is brooding brat with a chip on her shoulder, but with a huge, awesome voice. She shows off her voice. Carrie Underwood is the girl-next-door, she likes Country music, and she sings as if she would've been happy singing at county fairs here and there - she just happens to be really, really pretty and has a great voice. (Chris) Daughtry wanted to be in a rock band and write anthems. Kris Allen likes acoustic stuff, you can tell.

Adam Lambert just wants to have a hit. At least, that's what I hear when I listen to this CD. Or maybe he wants to be Muse, but that doesn't work either - because they already exist.

The rest of my analysis is simply to predict why I think nobody will buy this CD. Teenage girls want to imagine themselves as "the future Mrs. Lambert".   Soccer moms who love American Idol just want to enjoy how "entertaining" he is and enjoy his voice (though I still can't understand why anyone liked that screechy voice). Some people would just want to enjoy a good, catchy pop-CD. And guys like me just want to hate it without people guessing why we "really hate it." It isn't what you're thinking. I swear. I'm tellin' ya ...the CD stinks.

The nicest thing I can say is, "there's something for everybody" and that doesn't quite cut it in music these days. Maybe he'll have a better 2nd CD (even though, technically, it'll be his third) like so many Idol cast-offs who came before him.

I give it 2 beans. 1 bean for actually being music, and the other bean because ..well ..it's connected to American Idol and even I can't overlook that fact.  13 days!!!  Woo hoo!

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