Previously on Dancing with the Stars: Debi Mazar was eliminated, because America couldn’t remember that she was on the show. Tom DeLay left for medical issues, and also because the universe was being merciful. Now we’re in a position where the lowest scoring dancers are genuinely fun to have on the show, so the next elimination could hurt. (And also, there's Aaron.--Myndi)

Tom Bergeron points out that the ladies scored a lot better than the men last night. He doesn’t mention that the four new dances felt too gimmicky. But, you know, they’d probably frown on that. Hey Tom Bergeron! Did you see that Tom Waits’ “Glitter and Doom” is coming out next month? Is that a studio album? Oh, my mistake, it’s LIIIIIIIVVVVE!

Samantha is wearing a pretty red dress tonight. I wish I had more to say about that. She should wear hilarious outfits more frequently, as it’s easier to talk about those. Tom recaps last night’s dances, but Myndi already did that for us. There’s a weird gag where Dmitry is wearing a question mark sign over his face in his post-dance talk with Mya (or it might be added in post production). I don’t get it, but it’s weird. Perhaps with Debi Mazar out, it’s time for the Riddler to strike! (Because she was in Batman Forever, which also had the Riddler… shut up. I don’t get to make many Batman references in these recaps. I’ll take what I can get!) Fun Fact: Melissa Joan Hart had the biggest single-week score increase in DWTS history. Something tells me that spunky-buddy Lorrie already knew that, though.

Time for the encore dance – of course, it’s Melissa and Mark doing the Charleston. I’m not wild about the black-and-white at the beginning, just because it seems unfair to give one couple video tricks like that. But her scores rocked, and the judges were watching it in color, so I’m probably just being a jerk. Also, it was a really good performance. Not wild about the non-traditional dances so early in the season, but Mark’s mustache is funny, so it evens out.  (I think the mustache earned them a point, actually.--Myndi)

Our musical guest this week is Shakira, and I’m a big fan though it’s entirely possible that I’ve never heard one of her songs all the way through before. She’s just so darn pretty, though. This song features geishas playing the drums, which is fairly cool. Shakira’s trademark dance moves are fairly restrained here, with only a couple of outbursts of writhing. This is greatly disappointing to me, until the end when she busts out some moves. Still, when I’m promised Shakira, I have certain hip-shaking expectations.

Tom recaps the scores, which is also familiar territory for us. Am I the only one who’s just not feeling Joanna Krupa? I’m not wild about her dances yet, and I get a bad vibe from her. I feel like she would be mean to me if I ever met her.  (It's not just you.  Of course, since you are now besties with Carmen Electra, you're cooler than me anyway.--Myndi)

Anyway, it’s time to save some couples. Mya and Dmitry are safe, and it’s kind of cute that she seems surprised. Melissa and Mark are also safe, which you had to know was coming. But in the bottom two we have: Aaron Carter and Karina! They weren’t great last night, but I really didn’t think they’d be in trouble. As Tom kicks it to commercial, he promises to introduce the next star of The Bachelor, and of the four guys they show, I have a feeling it’s not the fat guy who looks like the illegitimate son of Big Pussy. Also, probably not Derek Hough, who’s also sitting there with a rose.

Cripes, the next Bachelor is called “On the Wings of Love”. I’m going to have to get drunker than the bachelorettes on a beach date to get through that thing… (It's not often that Jeffery Osborne gets a shout-out like that in primetime.  I hope he's getting royalties!--Myndi)

There’s a pro dance number, doing the paso doble and Argentine Tango, which are next week’s dances. I love me some paso and this is pretty great. It’s just three pairs, including the already-missed Cheryl and Edyta, going out there and tearing the place up. Awesome. Tom then tells us that next week is the Group Dance, my favorite week of the season. This year, it’s the Hustle, which means somebody is probably asking the gods for a Camaro.

Time to decide some more fates. Kelly Osbourne and Louis are safe, of course. Also, Natalie Coughlin and Alec are safe, as are Joanna and Derek. That means all of the women are safe. The dudes are not holding their end up, I fear. After a break, Tom and Samantha throw out some more life preservers, saving Mark Dacasos and Lacey, as well as Michael and New Anna. Yay! I really like Michael, so this is good news.

There’s a filler segment about how their kids get involved, and as we saw last night, Mark’s kids are adorable. Chuck Liddell’s kids looks sort of like you’d expect Chuck Liddell’s kids to look. The audience says “awwww” every time a kid speaks. Man, kids get all the breaks. It’s kind of funny, because they blur out the logos on the kid’s clothes, which makes it look like they have obscene slogans on their tiny shirts. (I am at least half convinced that Chuck’s little boy is wearing a Dethklok shirt, though I can’t be sure.)

All right, Shakira’s back with “Hips Don’t Lie”! Weirdly, they keep cutting away from Shakira, like this is Ed Sullivan and they think Elvis’ hips will destroy society. I don’t really have anything insightful to say, but I enjoy watching Shakira. Don’t you judge me.

There’s a filler segment where the dancers and stars talk about stress. Other than Sensei Ping tagging Lacey with suction cup dart guns, there’s not much here. And now, it’s time for more results. Donny Osmond and Kym are safe! That leaves Chuck and Louie Vito hanging out and waiting to see where they stand. I’m not a Louie fan, so I have strong feelings on this particular configuration.

After the commercial, Samantha reveals that Louie and Chelsie are safe. Crap. I don’t want Anna on the hook like this! Anyway, as we all knew would happen, Chuck and Anna are eliminated. I am not happy about this. I mean, we knew Chuck could only get so far, but that doesn’t mean it stops hurting…(Plus, Aaron looked like he was gonna kill someone if he got bounced tonight.  Boy has some anger issues.  Meanwhile, the Ultimate Fighter is laid back.  Go figure.--Myndi)

I’ll try to pick up the pieces in time for next week’s group Hustle, I promise.