Skanks in the Media: Trashing It Up for Fame (Apr 29)

By adminwp On April 29, 2008 · Leave a Comment · In Fun With Pop Culture

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my unhealthy intake of bad television, it’s that there are tons upon tons of women who will skank out for fame. They absolutely love it. There are quite a few examples of this, of course. The Bachelor was just the tip of the iceberg. Once Vh1 got their hands in the mix, hoes across America let out a simultaneous mating call that could be heard in the break rooms of every Hooters and strip joint in the country.

I haven’t watched a single episode of Flavor of Love that I can recall, but I’ve seen enough clips of it to know how ridiculous it is. You have twenty or so women vying for the affection of a whackjob wearing a Viking helmet and a clock around his neck. Who’s jonesin’ for 15 minutes of fame, huh ladies? Because, you have to watch that show knowing that these women aren’t really in love with this idiot. Love is blind, but geez, how can you love some washed-up star you’ve never even met, who looks and acts like a drugged-out maniac? And why embarrass yourself publicly to win his heart? Fame is the only thing I can come up with.

That being said, I am a huge fan of the white trash train wrecks known as Rock of Love and Rock of Love 2. That’s what’s so great about these shows. There will always be a second season because: 1– How could someone find true love in that setting anyway? It’s preposterous! and 2– It’s all fake anyway and the whole thing is done for show. (For more of my feelings on “reality” TV, read my previous works.)

As you all know, unless you’ve been living in a hole for the past year, the has-been on Rock of Love is one Bret Michaels of Poison fame, not as wacky as Flavor Flav but still entertaining. I remember the days of my youth, listening to “Unskinny Bop” on a walkman, riding my bike and thinking how dreamy Bret looked in his bandana with his long locks cascading down his back like a blonde waterfall. Then I grew up and realized he was a tool. Apparently there are a handful of grown ass women who didn’t grow out of their Bret Michaels phase. Which is good for Bret, because he’s still under the impression that it’s 1990 and he’s a legitimate rockstar. It is difficult for rockers to find real love among throngs of groupies. It’s also hard to stay relevant in this day and age when you had your hay day with a hair band. Hence, let’s have a reality show.

The hoochies of Rock of Love are stellar. It’s only the cream of the crop for Bret Michaels. It’s a season full of cat fights, fake boobs, lips the size of futons, and drinking binges…and horrible make out sessions. I’m getting a little nauseated just thinking about it. What I am always astonished by, is how committed these women are to a man who is so uncommitted to anything but getting as many boners as possible. What the man says he wants is to find love, instead of a groupie. So he fills his house full of groupies. I am assuming the same crap that goes down in his house is what goes down backstage, only there isn’t anyone there documenting it for Vh1.

But wait, there’s even more bewilderment. These women try to convince one another that they are not groupies. They are truly “here for Bret,” a man they never met in person before they moved into this booze den of sex and debauchery. And they accuse other girls of not being there for the right reasons. Daisy, Rock of Love 2′s runner-up extraordinaire (Sorry, if I ruined it for you.) tries to prove her loyalty by asking Kristy Joe (Yes, that is her name) or was it Destiney she talked to? Who cares. She asked, “Are you just here because it’s Bret Michaels or would you still be here if it was for Bon Jovi?” The girl in question replies with a simple, “I can’t answer that.”

I don’t think I could either, because the meaning behind the question does not make any sense. They’re all there because it’s Bret Michaels. Am I missing something? Did they have a connection with him beforehand? Are they trying to tell me that Bon Jovi’s reality dating show would not get just as many contestants or viewers? Hogwash, Daisy! It would indeed, because there are plenty of skanks out there that are tired of “dancing” to pay rent and they need a way out.

Bret made a bad choice on the first Rock of Love by choosing a lady with the least mileage on her. By going with the lesser of two evils, his reunion show was not a happy ending (Uh oh!…no pun intended, but I’m pretty proud that I chose those words for this subject matter) and he just had to do a second season. Right? This season’s winner of a lifetime supply of STDs, Ambre (Pronounced like “Amber” but I call her “Ambruh” because who the hell spells it that way?) was all smiles on the reunion show, and Bret was all aroused. He’s found his “rock of love.” They’ll live happily ever after and we’ll never be able to watch the drama unfold ever again. Yeah, right! Is Bret really going to give all this up? The way I see it, this “rock n’ roll lifestyle” he goes on and on about fizzled out like the carbonation in cheap beer, and he’s reliving his glory days in front of an audience starving for trashy drama. Soap operas are so last decade! It’s all about reality show dating now. And why shouldn’t Bret continue this dance? As long as hoes still want to be famous, and he still wants to get laid, people will continue to eat this up.

I know I will. I love messes,especially ones that involve booze, old, arrogant “rockstars” and bitchy girls that act as if they don’t know any better. As long as Bret continues to surround himself with debatably attractive women while speaking so intelligently on the subject, I’ll be there.