The Bachelor, Episode 2: Blondes v. Brunettes

The Bachelor‘s  previous week’s humiliating meet & greets well behind us, I was jazzed to cosy up on my couch last night for what proved to be another evening of fine programming.  Though Team Yellow won by a hair last week, I feel they have a long battle ahead of them with Ben’s clear preference toward the ladies with dark locks.  Before the games begins, let’s once again check out our teams in the Battle of the Blondes vs. the Brunettes:Team Brown: Blakeley, Courtney, Elyse, Erika, Jamie, Jenna, Jennifer, Kasie B, Nicki
Team Yellow:Brittney, Casey S., Emily, Jaclyn, Lyndzi C., Monica, Rachel, Samantha, Shawn+1 Team Yellow: Stacey (myself in third person) makes a good snap judgement
Ok fine… it’s a little unorthodox, awarding points to team yellow over something I said.   One could even add that it’s slightly biased and a tad bit vain… but that’s beside the point.  After so many brunette’s getting love from Ben this week, I figured it’d be ok if I stepped in to help the blonde team out a bit.  Oddly enough, I’m awarding Team Yellow points for Ben picking Kacie B. (a brunette) to go out with on his very first one on one date.  Why does team yellow get points you ask?  Because I was astute enough to pick Kasie B. as my front runner last week back when everyone was still talking about Lyndzi and her pretty little pony.  The date seemed to go fairly well, lots of smiling and laughing though I think this one will fizzle out in a few weeks.  That being said, this seems like the right time for me to switch my allegience back over to team yellow where it belongs.  Rachel has emerged as one to watch in my mind.. like me she has a nose ring & bangs and works in fashion…. that’s about all the evidence I need.

+1 Team Brown: Blakeley’s a total boob
The above phrase really takes on 2 meanings after seeing her in that striped romper during the group date.  Listen, I’m never one to pass up the opportunity to wear a great onsie, especially not in the California sun, but some how this little number did no favors to her slender frame.  Not that anyone other than me noticed the romper was riding up her crack and giving her waist no shape probably because they were too distracted by the twin mounds of silicon popping out of it.  Not even the innocent minds of the kids could be diverted during her play audition… ‘try running in slow motion’.  Uh yeah, I’m pretty sure that cue came from one of the little male playwrights.  At the end of the day the joke’s on me, and the other contestants because the boobs (and over-confidence) did not go unnoticed by Ben as she was the one lucky lady to get a rose on the group date.  Though I disagree with her worthiness, I’ll still award team brown the points since Ben is the decision-maker in this game afterall.  Ladies,  I think the lesson to take away from this is men (of all ages) love boobs… even the silicon ones.

+1 Team Brown: What man doesn’t love a model?
At the end of her one on one date, Courtney was awarded a rose, so I think it’s best that I too award her the points but my verdict’s not yet out on this girl.  She made some really unkind comments to the ladies this week: to Lyndzi, “was there really chemistry or was it the horse?” and to Casey B. [Upon reading Courtney her date card], “how did that taste coming out of your mouth?”.  Based on these unwarranted comments, I was not a fan of hers going into the date, however, after seeing her and Ben together my mind changed.  She seemed natural and dare I say, down to earth with him.  Courtney really appeared to have more chemistry with him then the others.  She didn’t come over as domineering (like Blakeley) so her rude comments to the girls seemed almost out of character.  Only time will tell if I end up being a fan, but right now I’m proceeding with caution and I wish Ben would do the same.

+1 Team Brown:  Ben F. the most desired man in America?
Listen, I love Ben as much as the next girl.  He’s easy going and down to earth taking girls on hometown picnics rather than the standard Bachelor style date of chartered helicopters or private concerts with late 90’s has been bands (it’s ok, I still like the Barenaked Ladies too). Though he’s awesome, I do wonder, what is all this crying about?  I have never seen so much weeping in the first 2 episodes of this show in my life.  Watch out, Brad & Leo, looks like theirs a new front-runner for People’s sexiest man alive.

-1 Team Brown: Ashley Herbert tweets [in response to another contestant’s comment]  “ Ben does make squeaking noises when he kisses”
Excuse me, are you not the future Mrs. JP Rosenbaum?  You lost all rights to tweet about Ben’s kissing style when you turned down his marriage proposal on national television. Looks like someone’s a little jealous her 15 minutes of fame are over.

-1 Team Blonde: Somebody get Lyndzi a cough drop, quick
I will preface this comment by saying it’s totally hypocritical, the sound of my own voice makes me cringe when heard on an answering machine (Surely I don’t speak with that much enthusiasm?) but seriously, Lyndzi’s voice drives me insane.  Does she have a cold or why does her voice always sound like that.  It hurts my ears…

-1 Team Brown: Ben serves Jenna  up a platter of embarrassment
During this week’s cocktail party, I appreciated Ben’s sentiment in going back upstairs to drag a crying Jenna out of bed for the rose ceremony, though I would have appreciate this gesture more had he not forced her out of bed just to not give her a rose.  Seems kinda harsh doesn’t it?  But since I don’t believe Ben to be anything other than a kind gent, I’ll tell myself that some other stuff happened in between and it was only due to clever editing that we left believing he dumped her immediately after the act.  Lets hope it was also clever editing that made it sound like the only think she had a chance to say to Ben during her one on one time was “you don’t understand, I’m not like these girls.  I’m a dude.” Main take away from the above story is this, NEVER under any circumstances tell a man you are a dude, unless you were in fact once a man… you never know when the next rose hungry Bachelorette will pop in and steal your man before you get a chance to explain.

Team Brown: 1
Team Yellow: 0
Team Brown Wins

This week’s exiles were “I’m not a girl, I’m a guy” Jenna & mani-sh personal trainer, Shawn… there appears to be a theme.  See you all next week for what I’m sure will be a real seat griper … who doesn’t love the reappearance of an ex girlfriend?  I’m ready to watch some overconfident Models and overpaid cocktail waitresses squirm…. who’s feeling confident now?