The Bachelor, Episode 5: Blondes v. Brunettes

Before we even hit the first commercial break, everyone’s favorite vilian, Courtney, kicked off the show with a “You better check yourself bitches”… guess that means the competition is (finally?) getting serious.  Though my contest pits the blondes v. the brunettes I’m starting to think Courtney against the world is probably more fitting.  Once we lose the rest of the blondes (which will no doubt be in a few short weeks) I’ll be sure to make that my next competition.  In the meantime, here’s a reminder of our teams after last week’s eliminations:

Team Brown: Blakeley, Courtney, Elyse, Jamie, Jennifer, Kasie B, Nicki
Team Yellow: Casey S., Emily, Lyndzi C., Rachel

+1 Team Brown: Nicki does what Rachel can’t and remembers to be herself
I don’t mean to pick on Rachel but my mind can’t help but go back to last week during her painful date with Ben where the most interesting conversation came courtesy of the crickets.  I’m sure it was just nerves and let’s face it, I would have probably been equally as shy, but I was glad to see that, unlike Rachel, Nicki was able to open up and have fun.  Nicki’s calmness and openess helped to make watching the date that much less awkward for the viewer and for this I thank her.  That being said, it also made for really boring television… so then again, maybe I don’t thank her… either way moving on to more exciting stories…

+1 Team Brown: Courtney with the quote of the day
During the days of our beloved Michelle Money I always included a section I called ‘quote of the day’.  Unfortunately, most of the girls this season aren’t that funny so it hasn’t been necessary… until now..  However, mean as it was, I will at least thank Courtney for bringing us this sweet gem during the Group date:

‘Blakely is like a champion out there.  Who knew that strippers could play baseball?’

Is she really a stripper?  I more likely would have guessed transvestite… which would better explain why she’s good at baseball.
More importantly where did these ref’s get their rules?  I’ve never heard of a 2 inning baseball game.  Though I suppose if they were always that short, I may actually watch them.

+1 Team Yellow: Blakely may be a VIP waitress, but Lyndzi is a VIP ball player
I might not be a fan of Lyndzi, but Ben is.  This week she was the only girl guaranteed an invite to the beach party after the group softball game.  Unfortunately, she didn’t really use this leg up to her advantage, as Kasey B. ended up getting the rose on the group date….…..speaking of Kasey B.  I think we all know I’m a big fan…. and once again may I remind you that I hand selected her during episode 1…. but I have to advise against her doing this Jerry curl thing.  Sometimes it looks good and sometimes it toes the line of Rick James.  For that -1 Team Brown.

-1 Everybody: Fashion Alert: the one shoulder look is over
Does everyone remember this girl?

Yeah, that’s Shawn, she got kicked to the curb early on… and rightfully so, do you see what she’s wearing? A shiny one shoulder club top and some jeans… really? This is what she chooses for her first Bachelor photo shoot?  Is it any wonder Elyse befell the same tragedy as Shawn when she showed up to her first (and last) one on one date with Ben in a hideous orange one shoulder dress… then made the same same mistake in a cream one shoulder gown for dinner?  I would dock Team Brown the entire set of points but it wouldn’t be fair Nicki, Jamie and even Lyndzi all went on to rock this out of style trend.  Sorry Elyse, maybe Ben wouldn’t tell you what you did ‘wrong’ but I sure as hell will.……. other funny things to ponder after watching Elyse and Ben’s disastrous date:
-Did Ben get a haircut in between the yacht ride and dinner?
-While I respect that our humble bachelor did not give Elyse the rose, did he really need to pick it up as he was speaking only getting her hopes up?
-And lastly (and probably most importantly) were you all as equally bored and uncomfortable as I during the “This Year’s Love” montage as Elyse rode away on the dinghy? I mean seriously if you’re going to make us sit there and listen to a song in it’s entirety at least pick something more current.

-1 Team Brown:  Winning is everything according to Courtney
I dock team brown one point and that is for Ben not Courtney.  I fear if he doesn’t wake up to the fact that Courtney is only interested in winning and not falling in love, he will once again find himself in the same situation he has in the past: in love with someone who doesn’t love him back.  However, how could anyone blame him for being so blinded?  This girl showed up on his doorstep in only a robe with a bottle of wine after he had been forced to spend the day with someone as uninteresting as Elyse… of course she’s going to look good.  Then she tempts the man with skinny dipping and what do you expect really?  Though I don’t like the girl at all, and still don’t see why he could possibly think she’s the prettiest one there when he’s around people like the Casey(ie)’s, I will give her this… she’s playing an excellent game…..  Unfortunately, this is not a game, it’s people’s feelings and I foresee a lot of hurt individuals in the future.

Team Brown: -1 point
Team Yellow: 0 points
Team Yellow wins!

Well I suppose Team Blonde ends up winning more by default then anything else, but me and my blondies will take the win anyway we can get it!

Related posts: