The Bachelorette: Blondes v. Brunettes – And Just Like That, Team Yellow Defeated Before Hometown Dates

Well as you are all aware I’ve had a rough couple of weeks… first so distraught over Ashley & JP’s growing romance that I couldn’t bare to write my article and now this… that’s right, spoiler alert: OK Magazine breaks the news of Ashley’s final choice.  Those of you who know me and my love for surprises (I was never the girl to search my parents closets in the weeks leading up to Christmas) know this was truly a devastation for me. However, as I am not one to ruin the fun for others, I will keep my lips sealed and allow you all to experience the true rush of every rose ceremony week after week, though this special feeling has been robbed from me… now on to this week’s competition. 

Do Women Prefer Blondes or Brunettes (aka Do Blondes really have more fun)?

Players:
Team Yellow: Lucas, Ryan
Team Brown: Ames, Ben, Constantine, JP

-1 Team Brown: Constantine & Ashley’s date, a live reenactment of the book “He’s just not that into You”
Let me clarify, I’m not docking team brown because of Constantine, I’m docking them points because of Ashley. Once again she proves how oblivious she is to blatant signs. Too caught up with Constantine’s burly muscles and flowing locks practically torn out of a harlequin romance novel, Ashley ignores the fact that he is not in the slightest bit attracted to her. Rather than telling Ashley all the things he likes about her, he instead demands the reason’s why she’s interested in him. Despite all the smoke and mirrors of train rides through Taiwan and floating love candles, I think we’re all smart enough to see that this relationship is completely one-sided.

+1 Team Brown: Ben with the Quote of the Week!
All I can say is: finally! Every since Bentley left the show, I’ve been hard pressed to find any comic relief. I do however, appreciate Ben for his soft spoken, dry and sometimes nearly missed humor. Like this quote for example uttered quite softly as him and Ashley climbed on to a moped for their date, “Ah Harry & Lloyd”. (For those of you who don’t keep up with pop culture, it’s a Dumb & Dumber reference… and shame on you for not being up to date on current events).

+1 Team Brown: Unlike Constantine, rather than asking Ashley what she likes about himself, Ben tells her what he likes about her.
Smooth move Ben.  Take notes Constantine, ask a girl what she likes about you and get a kiss at the end of the night.  Tell a girl how much you like her at the end of then night and your date doesn’t end until breakfast.

-1 Team Brown: JP lose his cool
…Speaking of dates that didn’t end till breakfast, JP wasn’t too excited when he awoke the morning after Ben’s date to find him not back at the hotel.  I believe some f- bombs were dropped and a definite storming out of the room occurred when Ben came back and re-hashed date details with the rest of the guys.  His foul attitude continued on into his group date with Ashley (Ames & Lucas).. which is mostly fine anyways because it was a stupid date.  Who gets professional wedding photos taken for fun.. with 2 other guys?  His bad attitude isn’t why he’s losing points however, this actually shows that he genuinely cares about Ashley.  This is clearly a betrayal to me, since I cannot dump a guy who is dating someone else the best I can do is dock his team some points.  So there, hope it hurts.

-1 Team Yellow: Lucas gets his ‘kimono’ in a bunch
Seriously, Lucas, get the wedgie out of your crack.  Why are you so bent out of shape about the fact that you had to wear traditional Taiwanese garb during a ‘dress-up’ date while JP got to wear a tux?  I think you’re the one that sounds like a “14 year old girl”.

+1 Team Yellow: Future prediction: Ryan finds love
We all saw this coming, Ryan’s inevitable exit.  Well I guess all of us except Ryan.  At long last Ashley invites Ryan on her final one on one date of the week and is met with no sparks.  I mean, lets be serious, none.  I was so bored watching this part of the episode, I almost fast forwarded through.  Ryan is shocked when Ashley decides to let him go and screams “f**k!” alone in the bushes all psychotic and Jake Pavelka style (ok I’m taking liberties, but it seems like something Jake would do).  Anyways, he composes himself and then comes back to give the camera a sob speech about how all he wants is love… and clean energy.  I wasn’t buying it, and I don’t know what he kept wiping away; there weren’t any tears on his face.  His little Susan Lucci performance won’t win him any Daytime Emmy’s and after the disaster that was the Jake Pavelka season, it certainly won’t win him the title of next Bachelor.  Regardless of if his emotions are real or not, it’s a happy ending for this ‘ol sap.  I can imagine any of those idiotic girls that fell in love with Jake two years ago will be beating down this guys door when he gets back home.  I feel some real cheeseball energy efficient love in his future.

-1 Team Yellow: Emily comes back to tell us absolutely nothing at all
The finale of last season’s Bachelor was one of the biggest letdowns of the show for me.  After the excitement of seeing Team Yellow take home the victory, I was immediately bombarded with the “After the Rose Ceremony” already claiming that Emily and Brad’s relationship was on the rocks.  At that point I counted it over.  2 months later, she comes back and interrupts a perfectly good half an hour of my new favorite show, just to say that her and Brad broke up, she’s sad & he’s a great guy.  Guess what, no one cares, your 15 minutes of fame are long over.

Well I guess no leader board is necessary this week as, with the elimination of Lucas and Ryan, Ashley makes her final decision clear.  I can’t say I blame her, I would have sent those losers home too.  So what can I say, ‘do blonde [men] have more fun?’  I guess not… this of course has no reflection on blonde women whatsoever