The Best Lines from Last Night’s Modern Family – “Little Bo Bleep”

Well, Modern Family didn’t win as many Golden Globes as we would’ve liked for them to win – which was all of them – but we’ll keep being cheerleaders for this li’l charmer of a sitcom and maybe someday it will win all the awards it deserves. And if you think we’re thinking Modern Family’s creator, Christopher Lloyd, could’ve written a better original song than Madonna, you’re exactly right. That’s exactly what we’re thinking. Elton John and his husband, David Furnish, agree. Did you see those snarky Tweets? Well, just in case you missed them, here’s what he Tweeted . . .

“Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!!”

“Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in its narcissism.”

OK, enough about Elton John, The Golden Globes, and how horrible Madonna is …let’s talk about something that involves Sofia Vergara – and since Pepis ads don’t have tons of hilarious, quotable lines, let’s talk Modern Family and we present to you our weekly collection of the very best and funniest lines from last night’s episode.

“The Weekly Saver says that some voters find Claire, quote ‘angry and unlikable’. To those voters I say: Wait until she sees this.” — Phil

“You aren’t unlikable, you just seem unlikable.” — Phil, to Claire

“It’s my fault. I let her out and then got caught up in my couponing.” — Manny

“You know I have two weaknesses – children cursing and old people rapping.” — Cam

“I was a three-time ring-bearer.” -Cam

Claire: “How did you get so smart?”
Alex: “I’ve always assumed adoption or baby switch.”

“Doggy suicide is all too real. It’s just that the mainstream media doesn’t report on it because it’s not as sexy as Feline AIDS.” — Duane Bailey (David Cross)

Claire: “I have a bad side?”
Hailey: “Yeah, the left.”
Phil: “No, it’s the right.”
Hailey: “Dad, it’s totally the left. I mean, look at it.”
Phil: “Sweetheart, why do you think I chose my side of the bed?”

“I’m not sure if your husband was born in this country. Perhaps he snuck in illegally, but here in America, we celebrate Valentine’s Day with chocolates, not our private parts.” — Duane Bailey

“Talking dogs? I’m skeptical.” — Luke

“I, like a lot of men in this town, enjoy making love to my wife. I mean, with their wives. Not me. Them.” — Phil

“You’re a perfectly fine dog! I don’t hate you! Stella, OK, I was a little mean to you, but that’s no reason to kill yourself. You’re young, you have so much left to smell.” — Gloria

“Some sick bastard auto-tuned me.” — Phil

“Hands, lips, sarcasm, eye-rolling, wrong side of the face.” Hailey, listing Claire’s debate mistakes

“Somebody turn her off. I think I’m having a seizure.”–Luke, on Lily’s “Lite Brite” flower girl dress

And let’s give special recognition to Julie Bowen, who was fantastic last night.  Most of her best bits were physical, so there’s not much to quote, but she owned the episode with her reactions during the debate.  And also, props to Lily.  We couldn’t really use her big line, but Cam’s right.  Little kids cursing are funny.

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