The Best Lines from Last Night’s Modern Family – “Me? Jealous?”

Oh, ABC . . . how did you know all we wanted for Valentine’s Day was a new episode of Modern Family? We know it’s only been two weeks, but ABC can’t just decide to only show new episodes of Modern Family when it’s convenient for you and we’ll all just come running back to the TV set on Wednesday as if you didn’t abandon us right in the middle of the season. It doesn’t work that way. We’re not that easy. You tried that with Lost and look how that worked for you! Well, it worked and we never stopped watching, but still – we’re not going to stand for this with the next show you have on your network that we love. What’s that? You moved Cam and Mitchell into Jay and Gloria’s house for this episode? OK. You’re forgiven.

Last night was quote heavy and here’s the best lines that you can repeat to random strangers and break the ice.

“This guy’s flipping properties like extras in a Kung-Fu movie.” — Phil

“Got divorced and his whole life opened up . . . the guy’s livin’ the dream. Not my dream.” -Phil

“It’s a progressive culture.  Most of them travel by zipline.” — Phil, on Costa Rica

“My Grandma Betsy’s secret recipe, given to her by her housekeeper Delilah, who raised her and was her best friend.  Kind of like The Help, only Delilah was white and was actually herself quite the racist.” — Cam

“I met Boz Skaggs once, got all tongue-tied.” — Jay

“I made this for Haley four years ago.  You think this got framed?  She tossed it in the garbage, after she wrote ‘Mrs. Haley Jonas Brothers’ on it like thirty times.” — Alex

“There’s a flow, now …tea, mug, kettle …you’re welcome.” -Cam

“I get the sense that I’m losing you.  Could I talk to Grandma Groovy?” – Mitchell

“The other night when you put on makeup, I was like ‘There she is’.” — Phil

“Cam?  Our shared bathroom is not the place to work out whatever’s going on here.” — Manny

“Be normaler!” — Luke, to Haley and Alex

“This is a business meeting.  Do you have any idea how inappropriate this is?  No, no, of course you don’t, because as far as you’re concerned all a lawyer does is walk into a bar with a rabbi and a polar bear.”–Mitchell

“I know it’s not easy to tell by looking at me, but I am not a natural homemaker.” -Gloria

“Only I can take my wife to bed (comma), and make her laugh.” -Phil

I had some time to kill, so I thought I’d come over with that tool your wife needed.”–Tad (guest star Greg Kinnear)

Phil:  “You laughed like it was ‘Who’s on First?’.”
Claire:  “What?”
Phil:  “He’s on second.  Don’t try to cheer me up.”

“Betty Luke, sit down while your dad gets the camera.” — Claire

You can fake anything you want with me, but not your laugh.”–Phil to Claire

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