Jake goes on the show. Ladies of America immediately fall in love with him. He spends 10 weeks on our television sets being a nice guy but somehow keeps this horse-faced Vienna girl around and despite our pleading and hoping he picks “anyone but horse-face”, he picks and gets engaged to horse-faced Vienna. And it goes bad. Really bad. Then somewhere along the line, someone says, “hey, I know you’ve both broken up, but can you come on ABC and talk about your break-up?” I hear he pushed for that, but the more we learn about Vienna …well, what do you think? He goes on TV thinking, “hey, I’m getting some really bad press in the tabloids, this might be a good idea and I can finally stop being accosted by uber-fans of The Bachelor while walking through the airport.” Instead, Vienna accuses him of being abusive and a fame-whore and he somehow comes out of the televised break-up looking worse than when he went in. Only, come to find out (and only a very small percentage of us who pay attention to the aftermath and the gossip sites) Vienna was cheating on Jake the whole time, and was wildly jealous he got cast on Dancing with the Stars and she wasn’t, and she cut a large side deal with a tabloid to tell their break-up story …and …

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