Previously on Big Brother: Jessica halted the eviction and then, against all odds, Josh won Head of Household. Also, it’s Horror Week and I am not down for theme weeks. Especially horror because I am a big coward man and I don’t like to be scared by things. I’m like a dog on the Fourth of July.
You know that circus music that Josh keeps singing when he bangs pots together? I forever associate that with a jingle from a sitcom for a fictional restaurant called “Pizza Playland”. I feel like it was either the original Charles in Charge or maybe The Hogan Family, but I remember somebody singing to that tune “Pizza Playland / Pizza Playland / It’s a real happy day land / with sixteen kinds of pizza / that they feed ya…” and it is making me crazy because it doesn’t even scan that well and I can’t get it out of my head.
We pick up after Julie Chen’s signoff on Thursday and Josh cries about being HoH. Look. I’m not one of those “men don’t cry” types. I cry when I think about David Tennant saying “I don’t want to go” or Peter Capaldi saying “I hoped there’d be stars”. Or Superman giving the suicidal girl a hug and telling her she’s stronger than she knows or the final episode of Brave and the Bold. Or Mordin dying in Mass Effect 3. Or Mike in Season One of Better Call Saul saying “I broke my boy”. Or, like, all of Playing House Season Three. Or “A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a young boy’s shoulders to let him know the world hadn’t ended”. Or Justin choking up after the Candlenights show in the My Brother, My Brother, and Me TV show. Or most Pixar movies. Point is, I’m comfortable letting that eye juice go when it’s warranted. But Josh’s sudden shifts from aggression to open weeping to banging pots together is, like, genuinely terrifying. He’s unstable in a way that I think puts people at risk.
Josh announces Kevin is going to read his letter from home, and I can’t be the only one who thought maybe Josh can’t read, right? Paul taunts Jessica for not having safety anymore. Elena wants to know if she’s at risk and Josh won’t say but makes her hug him anyway. Mark, who is this many old, leads us to a flashback where he and Josh make up after their physical alteration last week. Jessica DRs about how she’s tired of being pitted against the house, but that’s kind of a choice she made and then continues to make every day.
There’s a big group of people who aren’t Jessica and Cody talking strategy, and Alex comes in to say that Mark and Elena are a problem. And not only is Mark in the room, he is right next to her. Which Josh points out, and Mark has this dumbstruck look on his face that is maybe the funniest non-Kevin moment of the season. Good use of crickets on the audio, editors! This leads to an Alex and Mark talk and she turns her dumbass move back on him and calls him out for playing both sides. It ends with Alex asking “How do I know you’re on my side?” Mark says “Alex!” She says “What?” and he just stares at her with this mouth open. It’s incredible.
Paul starts pushing Josh to nominate Jessica and Cody. Christmas is getting frustrated with Paul telling everybody what to do and Christmas and I are total BFFs on that subject. Josh argues with Elena about how she voted to eliminate him once upon a time and he keeps holding that over her head. Later, he tells Paul and Christmas that it’s more important get rid of Elena than Jessica and Cody, and Paul isn’t happy about this. I like Elena just fine, but I’m happy to see somebody not caving to Paul.
Elena asks Josh and Paul if they have any more game-related conversations before she takes her eyelashes off and I feel like those things should not be connected. You can still talk post-lash! Josh whispers to Christmas that Paul doesn’t see what he sees in Elena, and if it’s anything like the way he just randomly chose to single out Megan as a terrible person, man, I can’t even deal with this guy. I’m so tired of seeing him bully women, you know?
The announcer breaks into the PA to let them know that they’re going to have to choose whether or not to compete in the Temptation Challenge. Basically, Paul and his minions all want to participate to lower the chances that Cossica can get immunity. And then cut to creepy low-light footage of the house with creepy characters walking around. There are clues in the windows that will lead them to a item that will cleanse the house of evil spirits and close the rift between worlds… Man, this is a lot of plot for a competition and also they pretty much acknowledge that they cribbed the basics from Stranger Things. It’s not a super interesting challenge to watch, though the hamsters freaking out is pretty funny. The highlighted letters spell out “heart” and there’s a heart in a jar and you have to find that and put it in the box. OK. Bafflingly, Baskets thinks he’s spelling “wrath” so he puts a crow in the box and none of that makes sense to me at all. It’s one of those challenges that takes so long that everything we see has to be heavily edited and there’s no way to get a sense of who’s doing well.
I like that Elena scolds the monsters rather than reacting with fear. Oh, and Raven reminds us that she’s a professional ghost hunter which has not come up on the show before and that’s ridiculous. I love that she says the stuff in there is “nothing I haven’t seen before” as if she’s actually faced down the supernatural. She hasn’t. One of my best friends actually used to have an ad in the Yellow Pages as a paranormal investigator, but man, it’s all just a bunch of dorks running around with EKGs. Jessica threatens to fear poop, which monsters hate. Kevin’s not afraid of haunted houses after growing up in the neighborhood he did. Yeah, Kevin has seen stuff. He has definitely poked a dead body with a stick more than once. Cody is not afraid of anything because that’s not within his programming parameters. What is this “fear” of which the humans speak?
Results time! Mark did it in just over seven minutes which seems like a good time, but Kevin did it in 3:11, which just seems ridiculous. Mark moves to last place, until Elena takes the slot. Then Jessica moves in to last place. Cody gets three minutes even and takes over first place. And that’s how it stays. Cody is safe for the week, Jessica is guaranteed to go on the block. In Cody’s mind, this means their plan is working perfectly. Cool plan, bro.
Paul and Josh argue about nominations, and this is dumb. Jessica is already on the block and she was your second choice. Convince enough people to vote her out and it doesn’t matter who Josh nominates. It’s not necessary or even useful to have the HoH on board with the results of the vote. Josh tells Elena that he’s putting her up as a pawn because she’s the best competitor and she calls BS on that one, knowing full well she is not even close to the best. I really like that – that’s one of those things that people always accept because who doesn’t love an ego stroke. She’s really just trying to get Josh to admit that she’s the target but he won’t do that. So Josh call Paul up and starts this nonsense even though Paul already knows that he wants Elena out. He’s putting on a show for nobody’s benefit. And right there Paul says that he’s willing to go up as a pawn. Josh has to ignore that because he doesn’t have a response so Josh just says she’s going up as a pawn and then asks for a hug. To her credit, Elena tells him where to stick it and calls him out on absolutely everything.
It’s time for the ceremony and Josh marblemouths his way through the intro. He nominates Mark and Elena, surprising nobody. Mark because he’s a meatball and Elena because she’s a great competitor. And then Josh announces that he wants Jessica eliminated and why even bother with that nonsense? Jessica insists it’s part of her plan, and people have to cut it out with that. If your plan is maybe you might win the Veto? It’s a bad plan.
Myndi will be here Wednesday to see whether Josh, Jessica, or Paul will with the title of “Most Undeservedly Smug”. Oh, and also the Veto competition. See you then!