Hi all!

A lot of finales this week, but I draw comfort from the fact that we’re getting the new season of Archer and the cultural event of 2019, the Deadwood movie! After that airs, I can safely disappear into the sea, as the prophecy foretold.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

HBO

9-10:05 ChernobylHey, the weekly depression hour is here! It’s a very good show but the fact that you know how things end means that, man, it’s not like we’re building to a happy ending.

 

TUESDAY

FOX

8-10 MasterChef Junior – OK, we get the semifinals in the first hour and the second is a clip show where Gordon reminisces about the season. I am on record as being a fan of this show and I will watch as much as they give me, but the clip show seems unnecessary. Like, the regular version of this show is on tomorrow. There are two different MasterChef shows airing this week. They don’t need to pad an extra hour!

NBC

10-11 Songland – SERIES PREMIERE! This is actually kind of interesting – it’s a series for aspiring songwriters and looks at the creative process. I don’t know how that’ll be fun to watch, but it’s interesting to me because I genuinely don’t understand how songs get written. One of my best friends is an actual musician and I ask him and the things he says have so little context in my brain because I don’t get it. He might as well say that mice whisper ideas into his hear at night for all I can understand.

FX

10-11:30 Fosse/Verdon – SERIES FINALE! Gwen faces an uncertain future as Bob tells his story on film. It really is an uncertain future, because, and I’m not proud of this, I didn’t know who Gwen Verdon was before I started watching this show. But in my defense, it’s not like musical theater is an area of my expertise.

TBS

10:30-11 The Last O.G. – Shay wants to launch a fashion line but her money is tied up in Tray’s food truck. I feel like there’s maybe more work you need to do before money is the issue. Like, I’d have to learn to sew and get good at drawing ladies in outfits like you always see on Project Runway.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Amazing Race – No information available! So, I’m fascinated by the relationship between Big Brother Rachel and her sister, because her sister seems really normal and Rachel clearly thinks she’s nuts and it’s like, no, this is how normal people who haven’t made a career out of reality shows behave.

NBC

8-10 American Ninja Warrior – SEASON PREMIERE! This is how I know it’s Summer. I am going to get super into this show once again.

FOX

8-9 MasterChef – SEASON PREMIERE! The less adorable version of the cooking competition returns for a tenth season. I wouldn’t mind if they spaced out regular and Junior a little bit, but we’re headed into some low content times. I’ll take what I can get!

SYFY

10-11 Happy! – SEASON FINALE! Amanda, Sax, and Happy save Hailey from a fate worse than death. Man, with Doom Patrol wrapping last week, we’re going from two Grant Morrison shows a week to zero and I can’t go back to living that way.

FX

10-10:30 What We Do in the Shadows – SEASON FINALE! As we close out a great first season, Nandor the Relentless visits one of his living descendants. Usually, you wouldn’t have to specify “living”, but vampires and all.

FXX

10-10:30 Archer: 1999 – SEASON PREMIERE! Another season, another fantasy/timeline! This year, Archer and company are in the 70s version of sci-fi, which looks fantastic. There’s a chance that this is the final season, and I’m going to be going through some stuff.

 

THURSDAY

NBC

8-9 A.P. Bio – Two episodes! Mary lets Jack use her phone plan on the condition that he breaks up with her boyfriend for her and then Jack rallies his class to win a talent competition so he can buy a new laptop. Hey, here’s a thing that I, of all people, should have known long ago. The gym teacher on this show is Spintax the Green on Hello from the Magic Tavern!

9-10 Abby’s – The website I use says “No Information Available” for these two episodes and it’s not super urgent to look it up because, you know, this show is getting by on charm rather than plot.

 

FRIDAY

ABC

8-9 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – Yo-Yo and Keller take things public while parasitic aliens threaten the human race. Priorities, Yo-Yo and Keller!

HBO

8-10 Deadwood: The Movie – I almost can’t even talk about this. Thirteen years after the original series ended, we get a follow-up movie, reuniting almost all of the original cast as South Dakota achieves statehood. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but Deadwood is my favorite series of all time and I’m so excited for this. Bust out the canned peaches for a Deadwood party! Also, with the recent announcement that writer David Milch was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, the disease that my grandfather suffered from in his last years, I am going to be extra emotional and I’m not sure where to put all my feelings.

AMAZON

Good Omens – This adaptation of the Neil Gaiman / Terry Pratchett novel stars David Tennant and Michael Sheen. Also featuring Frances McDormand and Benedict Cumberbatch as God and the Devil, respectively. This looks very good but it’s still taking a backseat to Deadwood.

 

SUNDAY

AMC

9-10 Fear the Walking Dead – SEASON PREMIERE! Hey, it’s the good Walking Dead show! It used to be the bad Walking Dead show, but it increased drastically in quality just as the main show completely fell apart. It’s a Cinderella story!

10-11:20 NOS4A2 – SERIES PREMIERE! Stephen King’s son, Joe Hill, created this vampire series and the title irritates me so much that I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

 

“What if something happens to Jake and he never gets to meet my baby/ I don’t want to hang out with some stupid baby who’s never met Jake!” – Charles Boyle

 

“A secret organization that controls all of Gotham? If that’s true, somebody should tell ’em they’re doing a pretty terrible job.” — Harvey Bullock

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