We’re in December, so winter hiatuses are starting up. We’ve got a short schedule and it’s going to keep shrinking over the next couple of weeks. That might make my job easier, unless I feel guilty and try to pad the schedule with bonus content, which will make my job harder. How much do I want to punish myself? We’ll find out in the weeks to come.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
10-11 Deal or No Deal – SEASON PREMIERE! After ten years, the briefcase-themed game show is back. Remember how one of the original briefcase women became an actress and then married royalty? Another famous briefcase model? Chrissy Teigen! The third most famous was on Celebrity Apprentice, so there’s a pretty big dropoff after number two.
8-9 The Gifted – I like how nearly every mutant power on this show manifests through glowing hands. It’s like the one special effect they really committed to. A lot of stuff on this show looks janky, but man, do those hands glow.
9-11 Saturday Night Live – Christmas Special! It’s a new special, which means they probably swapped out a couple of sketched from last year’s special. It’ll be good.
10:0-11 The Guest Book – A customer service representative helps a man with a broken phone. But then how is he calling customer service? Riddle me this!
8-9 Survivor – Loved ones visit the castaways and emotions are involved. I keep changing who I would want my loved one to be, but now I think it would be Paul F. Tompkins. Imagine how happy you’d be to see him show up!
8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Barry wants a wild bachelor party just like in the eponymous movie. I think I used eponymous correctly.
9-9:30 Modern Family – Dede’s husband comes to town to bequeath her possessions. Is that a thing people do? A relative I hadn’t seen in years passed away recently, and they contacted my sister but none of the other siblings. They just picked one and made her handle it. I mean, she’s the one you can trust, but still.
9:30-10 Single Parents – Will hosts a parent social so he can convince parents not to give their kids cell phones. I support this. Kids don’t know people. They’re not getting calls. Read a book, dummies.
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – The second season of the award-winning comedy hits today, just in time to remind me that I haven’t finished Season One. It’s good, though! I just have a lot of viewing hours spoken for.
8:30-9 The Good Place – Thank you for being vague again, show! “With Janet’s help, Michael hatches a plan”. By the way, I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m making my friends catch up on this and as I re-watch with them, the stuff I find myself looking forward to the most is the Janet bits. And next week, they’re going to hit the introduction of Derek, and I can’t wait!
9-10:15 Top Chef – SEASON PREMIERE! The new season opens with the chefs cooking for a Kentucky Derby party. I assume it’s at the Kentucky Derby and they’re not just catering for like four dudes with funny hats who are really into horse racing. Either way, this is still my gold standard of cooking competitions and I’m very excited to have it fill the holiday hiatus.
It’s Tom Waits’ birthday, so show the man some respect and watch The Ballad of Buster Scruggs on Netflix. If you’ve already seen it, track down Wristcutters: A Love Story, which has a scene where Tom and Will Arnett try to impress a dog. If you need more Tom Waits viewing recommendations, you know where to find me.
9-10 Hell’s Kitchen – The teams have to cater Gordon’s daughter’s birthday party. It’s been so long since a new episode that I can’t remember who’s on this season. There’s that one chef with a ridiculous name that I think is very attractive, but even she’s fading from memory.
9-10 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – Greg returns to West Covina only now he’s played by somebody else and it sounds like they’re going to address that by having Rebecca question her assumptions about the people in her life. There’s also a high school reunion, so that’ll stress me out.
Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle – Remember how Disney did that Jungle Book a couple of years ago that was a mix of CG and live action? And how Andy Serkis was making his own version and it seemed crazy that they were doing two of those things? Well, that second one is finally coming out as a Netflix release and is supposed to be very dark, which will work out great for parents who can’t keep track of which Jungle Book remake is which.
11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Jason Momoa of Game of Thrones and Aquaman hosts! Not sure what to expect from him, but he’s very funny on Drunk History. I mean, he didn’t talk but it was still a funny performance and that gives me some optimism.
8-8:30 The Simpsons – Marge tries to save Christmas after a failed Black Friday. She’s going to be a Santa to earn extra money and then bet it all at the dog track in the hopes of a windfall. Presumably that’s not true, but it would be kinda great if they just remade the first episode and swapped Marge for Homer.
8:30-9 Bob’s Burgers – The kids fight a turf war for sledding territory and Bob helps Linda with her Christmas scarves. I say this a lot but this show has never done a bad holiday episode. And they’re one of the few shows that does Thanksgiving every year!
8-9:10 Doctor Who – It’s the season finale! No information available! But they’ll be back for a New Year’s Day special in a couple of weeks! That’s right, not Christmas. Remember last year how Steven Moffat changed the end of his final season because Chibnall wasn’t going to be able to make an episode in time for the Christmas special? And Moffat knew that if Who broke tradition and gave up its Christmas slot, they probably wouldn’t be able to get it back again? So he made an extra episode (which was very good and that part worked out for the best), but then Chibnall blew it anyway and now they’ve lost their Christmas slot? Cripes.
9-10 Counterpart – SEASON PREMIERE! Just when I realized I was still paying for Starz and haven’t watched it in six months, now I’ve got a reason to watch again. The parallel-Earth espionage drama is back, and I’m very into it. Somebody just remind me to cancel at the end of the season, OK?
“Say what you want about America, but thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice.” — George Michael Bluth
“Those can not be your only shows. What am I saying? It’s Russia. People probably come from miles around just to have their pictures taken in those.” — Sterling Archer