Hi all!

This is officially the last week of Summer TV. But even so, we still get the return of Dancing with the Stars and a lot of cool Netflix stuff on Friday. So let’s get to the last short schedule for a while.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

 

MONDAY

ABC

8-10 Dancing with the Stars – SEASON PREMIERE! I am very happy to have my dancing show back, and I’m excited that James Van Der Beek is in the cast, as predicted years ago by Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23. However, I am not stoked about Sean Spicer in the cast and it’s taking a lot of the wind out of my sails.

NBC

8-10 American Ninja Warrior – SEASON FINALE! They’re already telling us that a winner will be crowned, which is not a spoilee in this case. Since, you know, they’ve hade on winner in ten years, they’re changing the finals this year so that if nobody finishes all the stages and wins the million dollars, the person who does the best will be the winner of the season and win a smaller prize. They finally realized that ending the season with “Nobody wins! Good night!” is not super satisfying.

AMC

9-10 The Terror: Infamy – We get a flashback with insight into the evil that stalks the residents of Terminal Island. I really hope we find out why Chester has been so specifically targeted – he doesn’t appear to have done anything wrong, but man those ghosts hate him.

10-11 Lodge 49 – Dud’s wound, which is a shark bite and we should not forget that, gets worse. Also, Blaise glimpses the past, which on this show could be a literal statement and not refer to him, like, reading a history book.

 

TUESDAY

TBS

10-11 Conan without Borders: GhanaIt’s the second Conan special in a couple of weeks, only this one was actually scheduled way ahead of time and the Greenland special was spur-of-the-moment. Anyway, these specials are always good and this one also has Sam Richardson and that guy is the dang best.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Big Brother – I’m guessing tonight will be the last Veto competition. Or maybe we’ll just hang out with the Jury. I know we definitely have a Golden Girls clips episode coming up yet.

FOX

8-10 MasterChef – SEASON FINALE! We pick a winner and wrap up the season where they kept telling us it was different from every other season. It was pretty similar to past seasons.

10-11 American Horror Story: 1984 – SEASON PREMIERE! This new season is apparently a tribute to slasher movies, and it sounds like Sarah Paulson is sitting this one out. I feel like that’s the kiss of death for a Ryan Murphy production.

 

THURSDAY
CBS

9-10 Big Brother – The final week begins! Which, depending on how they schedule the competitions, is either very exciting or very boring. They haven’t done a great job structuring the endgame in the past.

NBC

9-10 The Paley Center Salutes The Good PlaceHeck yeah, I want to watch a special where people talk about how great my favorite show is!

ABC

9-11 The Last Days of Phil Hartman – I will not watch this because it’ll make me sad, but it’s worth mentioning, in case I haven’t before, that when Phil Hartman died, I quit my job because my co-workers weren’t sad enough.

 

FRIDAY

DISCOVERY

8-10 BattleBots – We’re in the finals now! Top 16! I have not decided who I’m rooting for yet, but definitely not Tombstone.

NETFLIX

Criminal – This is a complicated show where each episode is a different police interrogation. There are 12 episodes, with three each from Germany, Spain, France, and England and each has a different cast and creative team. But the important thing is that the English episodes star David Tennant and Hayley Atwell and those are two of the best people to watch.

Disenchantment – The second half of Season One hits today, wrapping up a pretty major cliffhanger. This show is really delightful and if you’re a fan of The Simpsons or Futurama, you should be watching it. Get on it, you chuckleheads!

Between Two Ferns: The Movie – That’s right, it’s a movie-length version of Zach Galifianakis and Scott Aukerman’s web series. Zach is interviewing the likes of Jon Hamm, Brie Larson, Benedict Cumberbatch, and David Letterman and it looks awesome.

 

SUNDAY

FOX

8-11 The Emmy Awards – It’s awards! With no host! I feel like I should care a lot about the Emmys, and yet, I’m kind of punched out on awards shows.

CBS

8:30-9:30 Big Brother – I don’t know why it starts half an hour late, especially when the 8:00 slot is “To Be Announced”. Everything’s falling apart over there.

AMC

9-10 Fear the Walking Dead – June leads the search for a new home as Grace’s condition worsens. You know what? I’m really enjoying Matt Frewer on this show. And that’s no surprise because he’s great. But I thought he was dead, and I think it’s maybe because his Doctor, Doctor costar Julius Carry died very young and it got all mixed up in my head, but I was shocked to see him and then I was glad to be wrong. (Also, this is not a dig on his recent career. IMDB confirms the dude’s been working a lot, just on things I didn’t see.)

10-11:10 Preacher – It’s the penultimate episode of the series and there is no information available! I kind of hope it’s exactly like the second-to-last issue of the series and it’s just Jesse and Cassidy in a prolonged fistfight. That’d be a weird hour of TV.

HBO

10-10:35 The Righteous Gemstones – No information available! This is my favorite new show and I wish more people wanted to talk about it.

 

“I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom. Right away, I had a different problem.” — Jason Mendoza

 

“You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice…. strike three.” — Michael Scott

 

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